Help me handle my slow son...?

Question

my son 10 years old takes too much time to finish works like eating, doing homework and getting ready etc.Otherwise he is intelligent and doing well in studies. He takes more than 1 h to finish meals and i anm having tough time to handle him. And it becomes difficultto control my anger at times. Please suggest..

Answer 1

At age ten you are still the total influence in his life. Take control and get him to behave acceptably or he will feel unsafe in your charge as his parent.

Here's what you do. Tell him dinner will be done in 20 minutes. Tell him to eat what he wants in that time, but when dinner is done the plates will be collected and cleaned and left overs put away. If he dawldles and doesn't eat enough, stick to what you said. He may be hungry one time -- he can survive on a few bites through the night, but he will learn you mean it and will manage to eat more in his allotted time. He won't want to repeat the hungry feeling in the future.

Same with getting ready, give him the limit and if he's not ready, forceably make him ready and give him a consequence for not getting ready himself. Take away a privelege or desert, something he will miss, but won't compromise the bare necesssitites of food, clothing, shelter, etc.

Doing homework, I'm reluctant to apply the same limit and consequence, unless he is just plain wasting time.

As for your anger: have courage when he is angry at you for imposing consequences, but don't be angry with him, be firm and matter of fact: You didn't finish in the time you were allowed. You had enough time and you need to learn to get things done. I'm sorry but you cannot have any more to eat. You can have another chance at the next meal to eat so you won't be hungry. Now it's time for ____ bed or school, etc. and go on.

He isn't doing this to anger you or hurt you. He is doing it for attention. Give him attention for positive things he does and he'll need less attention for negative things. He doesn't know why he does the things he does, he is responding to deep needs he doesn't understand. The need for a parent's approval or a parent's time or attention.

Remove him from having attention when he doesn't behave the way you feel is right and lavish attention when he does.

Good Luck, Parenting is a difficult and emotional job

For the teen years, read this book: Teen Proofing, by John Rosemond < $10 at amazon.com

The battle has yet to begin!

Answer 2

What's taking him so long? Are there things going on around him which are distracting him? Perhaps stress is causing his appetite to decrease. Is he having trouble with peers or family members?
OR:
Does he have difficulty completing tasks without checking and rechecking his work?
Or does he have difficulty deviating from a rigid routine or ritual during these tasks?
I agree that this is an issue that you should address with a pediatrician. It's possible that he could be suffering from an very treatable disorder called OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Most people associate OCD with frequent hand washing...but so many other behaviors can be symptoms of OCD as well.
See your doctor...for your son's sake as well as your own.

Answer 3

This is his little way of rebelling. He knows he can actually control this and he knows it bugs you!
Make him see the actual consequences of his actions, but don't get angry or yell:
If he is slow getting dressed for school and he is late to school.. then let him face the consequences of that alone with the school. Eventually he'll get detentions, or something like it. He won't like that. If he takes forever to eat, just leave the room when you're finished, and leave him there alone. Don't show any anger, though. That's what he wants.

Answer 4

I doubt that he is slow at eating candy or going on the slide at the playground. Kids are slow at things that they don't like. Kids are fast at the things that they do like. So try not to lose your patience and ask for help from those you love. Just remember the hell you put your mother through when you get angry, say a prayer and just keep at it. I am still struggling with my 6 and 2 year old.

Answer 5

My godson does the exact same thing! Make sure the TV, radio, ipod, Game Boy is OFF before you ask him to do something. Next walk over to him touch him on the shoulder and make eye contact. THEN ask him to do what ever it is. Give him a reasonable amount of time to comply with the request. If he still does not do what you ask, repeat the above. If you have to ask a third time, obviously the on button for his ears is in the off position. The on button for his ears is located in his caboose. One swift swat should turn it on again! Be consistent everytime and eventually he will come around. Hang in there!

Answer 6

The military use to only give you a certain amount of time to eat. It is tough to do, but plan something immediately after dinner and then start making it a routine. He will eat quick enough if he is hungry. Start with the meals, and then start putting time constraints on other parts of his life.

The reward system works well too. One week of timely activities = a toy of his choosing :)

Answer 7

Might not hurt to seek mental help for your son. Your son also knows his being slow is irritating you. Could be a mind game he's playing on you. You might need to seek mental help before you lose control of your anger.
Kids go through so many stages as they get older. Be patient with your son and see if things change.

Answer 8

well for me i dont think theres a way to go about it i know i have 3 slow boys and there slow at everything u just got to love em and when u feel ur about to lose it leave the room and take alot of breaths because getting mad and yelling aint gonna work its just gonna make thing woser and u gonna feel down about that u yelled and got mad cause it aint his falut just take the time to show him and walk it threw wit him or her well good luck wright back if ya wanna [e-mail]
ps doctor dont know how hard it is u can tell them and some dont know what to do but send u to ppl who have dagrees in like tharaphy and all that

Answer 9

What about your son - what did you study in the seem on his face? There lies the reply. a minimum of he's not a sufferer to Oedipus complicated.Any way, dont blame your self or sense in charge. What you probably did replaced into proper.

Answer 10

does he behave that way in a fast food joint? Perhaps he had too much junk food during the day...it's best you draw out a schedule for him and stick to it and be consistent. Take away all junk food from your home.....hungrey kid do not take more than an hour to eat....