My boyfriend split when I was 4 months pregnant. I found him through serach a few years ago. He said he wanted to get to know our child but he only comes on messenger every few months and complains to her about having to pay child support. She is upset after every chat. Today I had enough and told him to stop unloading on a child he doesn't even know. She is not his therapist. I said if you want to talk to her than just talk to her and stop dumping all his (I have nothing to eat but Ramen Noodles) crap in her lap. His response was. "I will never talk to either one of you again!" Should I have kept quiet or did I do the right thing?
2006-06-19 15:44:44 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for youe answers. I will leave the best answer up to a vote because I can't decide between them. My daughter is 11 and started chating through messenger with her "dad" 4 years ago. She repeatedly asked him questions about himself and he always has to go. He only wants to tell her how hard it is for him to live while paying support. She left him a message and told him that she has tried for 4 years to get to know him and all he has done is complain to her. She told him that if he doesn't want to get to know her than she is fine with that because she just can't take it anymore. We have not heard from him since.
2006-06-20 13:15:26 · update #1
He needs to grow up! How dare he guilt a child that HE CREATED with his not having money to buy decent food because he has to pay child support. OH WELL - That is his problem! You don't beat yourself up for it either! You are a mother who is raising a child and protecting her. She'll see him someday for what he is. How old is she?
2006-06-19 15:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by pottersclay70 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's hard to say these things to your children. But you could say that a "father " or "daddy" is a special person who loves you for who you are and doesn't make you feel bad about situations you can't control (his having ramen noodles because he makes poor decisions with his financial situation). What this man sounds like is just a sperm donor who could care less about what she thinks and feels. A father would never burden his child with an adult issue that she cannot solve but will almost always carry some guilt about. Let her know that this man served his purpose by paying his child support. Because the kind of support a "father" would give his child is just something this man is not willing to give.
2006-06-19 15:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u did. that boyfriend of yours is nasty, and i hope ur daughter doesnt turn out that way. i think u should just let him leave and eventually remarry or become a single parent. ur daughter might have trouble understanding that her father isn't a good person for her to be with and influenced on no matter what u do tho. how old is she? she wont truly understand how he isnt a good dad until shes older. i think u did the right thing. y did he leave in the first place? i dont think u should have found him through the search thing in the first place; just like let him be you know? if u had a choice i mean. if my answer is unorthodox, take it easy, im just 14 and i dont have much experience with family problems, sorry. basically u might have issues when she wants to see daddy but she cant. u will eventually have to tell her why, and she may not like it. u just sit down and talk to her privately one night and explain. if she doesnt like it, and she probably wont, ull just have to move along, just to keep it through. whoa its that song again. weird. i hope i helped
2006-06-19 15:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by leroyjenkinson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My opion You did the right thing. Trust me no matter how hard you try you can not make a boy into a man or a donor into a father.
This seems to just be hurting your child and your child does not need that. Maybe one day he will wake up and if he does let him do the searching for her. If he contacts your daughter and you want to give him a chance to talk to her...moniter it and cut it off the second he starts his crap again. You are the one who protects your child. One day your child will understand why it is this way, There are plenty of programs for fatherless children so that they can have a "positive" role model. He does not appear to be too positive. Do NOT beat yourself up over this your child needs YOU! You can provide all she needs even if its through asking for help.
2006-06-19 15:55:55 · answer #4 · answered by knihappy3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a strange feeling.....her life will be much better without him. And yours too.
How uncouth is it to put a guilt trip on a child? I'm just sorry you had to put up with it in the first place.
You sound like a wonderful mother though. I don't know how old she is but maybe, you should wait a few years to unload the bad news on her.
But always remind her that she has a mommy that loves her more than anything in the world.
I hope that helped.
2006-06-19 15:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by shakia27 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing!! If he can't be a father and nurturing it's best he's out of her life....try at best to explain to your child. some people make bad father material. If he's loving he would not complain about child support cause it's his adult responsibility to raise the child as well.....and it takes more than money to raise a child .....a loving father are always presents in their child life ...birthday, xmas , when the child is sick and so on....any men can produce a child biologically not many can be a real nurturing father.....
2006-06-19 15:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter does not deserve to be made the "bad guy" you made the right choice. I would cut all ties with him, all together. He has made it clear that he has no remorse for not knowing his daughter all this time. I would just explain to your daughter, that sometimes people can be very selfish, and not very responsible, and even though it hurts, she needs to know that it is not her fault, that it is him. And then both of you can move on, your future is bright. Good luck.
2006-06-19 15:56:09 · answer #7 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know that you did the right thing but for some reason you need validation because you are feeling guilty that he isn't around now because of what you said. Your daughter needs to figure out her father for herself. She needs you to be there to reassure her of her importance to you so that when she realizes that her father is a piece of crap she will have you to help her through it. Good Luck to you
2006-06-19 15:51:04 · answer #8 · answered by jeezmeneti66 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well depends on how old da child is and i think u did da rite thing becuz if u want to get to know a child u would ask the child how has she been doin and stuff bout her not complaining bout ur problems
2006-06-19 15:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by babygurl200532618420002000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. he sounds bitter, and selfish. the most important thing is to help your daughter understand that its NOTHING she said or did, her "sperm donor" is just a jerk.
my step-sons mother was the same way. sometimes you just have to be blunt, and direct, and then move ON. she will be better off without his negativity.
2006-06-19 15:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋