is giving my son everything he wants bad?

Question

my 6 year old son gets everything he wants...he wanted his psp,xbox360,cell phone,computer etc. and got everythinggg pluss!! he gets anything he wantss from me and my X and my parents,my bf and everybody else..is this like EXTREMLY badd or is it like ok badd? i mean if it is EXTREMLY badd i will stop but idk cause every1 i kno is rich so i cant really get help from them cause they are ok with it and so am i but i need to kno if it is EXTREMLY badd..idk wat to doo!

Answer 1

I don't know how you feel about this, but I like to watch some of the Dr. Phil programs. Your question immediately made me think about one of the episodes I saw a few months ago. I went to his website and was able to dig up the following advice he had for parents that came to him with your problem. He advices:

Stop Spoiling Your Kids

Over-indulgence, Dr. Phil explains, is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse. Here is a perspective that might help you stop.

-Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don't always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you've experienced it as a child.

-If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won't have the chance to experience unconditional love.

-Be a good role model. "We're not the only influence in our kids' lives, so we better be the best influence," says Dr. Phil.

-Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them emotionally and spiritually? You need not buy them material goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren't teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.

-Don't let your guilt get in the way of your parenting. "Your job as a parent is not to make yourself feel good by giving the chid everything that makes you feel good when you give it," Dr. Phil tells one mom. Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to succeed in school and when they get out into the world. "Kids have to be socialized in a way that they understand you work hard for what you get." You don't want to teach your child that they will get everything through manipulation, pouting, crying, door slamming and guilt induction.

-Make sure your children aren't defining their happiness and their status in the world as a function of what they wear or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth — their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spent equal time sitting down and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.

-Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.

-Make sure your child understands the value of hard work. For example, Dr. Phil explains, "I always told our boys, 'If you make Cs, you're going to have a C standard of living. If you make Bs, you're going to have a B standard of living. If you make As, you're going to have an A standard of living.'"

-Dr. Phil reminds one young guest who aspires to be wealthy that it's not a bad goal, but it takes a lot of hard work to get there. "The difference between winners and losers is winners do things losers don't want to do. And that's work hard to get ready to be a star," he says.

-If your child idolizes a celebrity, ask him/her why. Dr. Phil speaks to one young guest who looks up to rich girls like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. "What have either of them ever done, except spend money that they got from somebody else? What is it you're looking up to?"

-Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.

-Help your child set goals. Teach him/her that striving to own nice things is fine if he/she understands how much hard work it takes to afford that, and then doesn't base his/her self-worth around what she buys.

I sure hope some of this helps you. The show was very insightful and made me think of how I am going to do the same in order to avoid my step-daughter, who also gets evrything, form being spoiled. If you need more info or stuff on the spiling episodes, the site is: http://drphil.com/shows/show/608/

The info I put above was from the link on that same page titled, Dr. Phil's advice. Be glad that you are acknowledging the behavior and try to talk to those around you about your concerns about your son's current "rewards". After all, you are the parent and they should respect your concerns about your son and how you want to raise him. Good luck and best wishes!!! :-)

Answer 2

Yes, it is very, very bad to give a child everything that they want. What in the world is wrong with you? I will simply explain to you what will happen in the near future. There will come a time when he might ask you for something and you just might not have the money so you say no, I don't have the money honey. He will probably whip your a** all over the Dept. Store. That would be a Kodak moment. And then as he gets older Mama and all the other generous people that he is so fond of just might not be around when he's 23 ,24 years old, he might see something that he wants guess what he will do. Yea!! that's right he will steal to get exactly what he wants. Because why mama spoiled me I used to have everything that I wanted why not now? You will be able to visit him probably once a month in prison. Yea!! you are creating a monster!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Life is full of disappointments. Things don't always work out everytime. People do say "no". It's unfair to your son to raise him so that he expects to always get what he wants. It's grossly unfair (and poor parenting) to raise him to expect things to always go his way. Your son is spoiled. He needs to learn how to lose as well as win. And a 6-yr-old has no business with a cell phone and all those other goodies. These items are privileges, not rights. Let him experience earning something for himself. He'll appreciate it much more.

Put your foot down. Lay down the law and set some standards. Try to get his father on your side for support. Undo whatever harm has already been done before it's too late. You're steering your son right into a life of maladjustment and unhappiness.

You sound like a teen mother but you're going to have to behave like an adult about this. Be firm and don't give in -- not with your son, not with the grandparents, not with anyone.

I grew up with money, too, but my parents were wiser than you've been so far.

Answer 4

One he is 6 what does he need a cell phone for. And it sounds like to me is plays video games all day long that is not good. What if something happen and you can't get him something he wants he is going to go crazy and you are going to look like the bad person when he is screaming and crying in the store. You know something do happen and you won't have any money to buy him those things then what. I think it is bad and you should not get him everything he wants just some of the things he wants if he don't like that he will get over it. He is going to end up living off you when he is an adult because he expects you to give him everything and he is never going to learn to work for things so that room that he is in right now he will be in when he is 40 doing the same thing he is now. He is never going to learn how to earn things.

Answer 5

Extremely bad. Surely you remember Verruca Salt from "Willy wonka"? The spoiled brat who wants an Oompa-Loompa? What the hell is a six year old doing with a cell phone? Or a computer? Does he even know what a book is? How 'bout a lending library? Talk to professionals, read some books,etc. You don't want to create a person who is complacent and will not be willing or prepared to work for anything. You don't want to create a person who thinks material objects will satisfy his quest for happiness. You don't want to create a person who is blase because he has been inundated with everything. There are other negative effects from giving your kid too much. If he is being given material objects instead of the love and attention he needs then he won't even be able to form attachments to people and he will learn to "love things and use people rather than loving people and using things."

Giving your kid everything is lazy parenting because it allows you to not make choices and/or set limits. Somewhere I think you know this. If others continue to inundate him with material goods then it's time to start teaching him about donating to the less fortunate.

Answer 6

Its bad to a estent. If you are giving him everything he wants he will learn this behavior. Then when he gets older he will scream and cry and trow tantrums until he gets what he wants. Now a cell phone and all the other things u listed are not for a 6 year old. Maybe the computer but the psp and xbox have lots of adult content games. Plus they cost a lot and if i rember being 6 its i tended to lose or broke things. Not on porpise of course but thats how kids are!

Answer 7

if you and everyone else can afford it then whatever, but just because he gets what he wants does that mean that you have taught him about greediness is OK?Or gratitude for the gifts?, Does he understand that other children in the world that are not as fortunate as him, and to be great full. Is he expectant of these gifts?Have you taught him about respect for these pricey items? And all they are used for are for entertaining purposes really when was the last time the kid got a book or a bike. im sorry if it seems like im bashing your parenting skills but i guess you'll realize what you've created when you have a lazy fat uneducated 36 yr old that just wants to lay around and play video games all day. I would clean out this kids room and take all of these pricey items, donate them to someone who is for one older and two someone who needs them and cant afford them and who will really appreciate the worth of these items.

Answer 8

Put your foot down and say...that's enough. It does not make you a bad parent. Are you making him work for what he gets? Does he have respect for you and others. If not....he/she will never learn to respect what is givin to them. They will destroy it knowing they would get another or something better. There are too many children out there that don't have anything. I have a cousin that has alway gotten whatever she wanted. Now she is 13.....has always lived with her grandparents. She has her own horses, and 2 rooms ( one for all her stuff and one is her bedroom). She is rude to people, they have had to replace every window in the house, she is dating 15 to 17 yr olds, and don't care what anyone thinks. I would of loved to give my daughter everything she wanted growing up...but I restrained myself. She got mad, but oh well. I would also threaten to give her stuff to someone that would appreciate it when she acted up. I did it once to show her I meant it. She is now 30 and has a family of her own and is doing pretty good for herself. But the main thing is she still has respect for me.

Answer 9

Here's the thing..... you said that you are okay with this excessive showering of gifts, and that everyone around you thinks it's okay too. Yet, here you are asking strangers if it's okay....something about the situation must be bothering you.
Most of the other answers should be helpful to you. Your son needs to be prepared for what disappointmet feels like, what earning something feels like, what going without feels like, etc.
But I think you know that.
See how much this is affecting him. Ask him some questions. Ask him "what is the most important thing in life?" ( I know, this sounds like a deep question for a little guy, but you might find out alot) If he answers something like, "my xbox," or "money," or something of that sort, you know what's getting through to this kid. If he answers something like "my family," or "being nice," then maybe he's not as spoiled as we all suspect.
It is difficult when kids get alot of things form other people, but ultimately you are in control. My son is five and has alot of family. I have asked some of them to please get him bonds for gifts instead of extravagant toys, since he just can't play with them all. It's worked out well, and will help pay for school later. ( he knows that the bonds are to pay for college, and likes the idea of it) Also, at Christmas, and birthdays, for every new item he recieves, I have him place one old toy or piece of clothing (his choice) into a box that we then donate. He really loves to do this!! He feels good about being able to give things to kids who may not have as much, and he enjoys his new toys, without ever feeling like he NEEDS to have them. He even corrects me sometimes!! When we're at a store, and I'm buying a shirt or something, he'll ask me why I'm getting it, and I will answer that I need it. He then tells me, "you don't need it mom, you want it." He's right, and wanting things and getting them is fine!!! Just balance it out!!!

Answer 10

I don't think it is ok personally. you will not teach him how to do things for himself or a sense of responsibility. He should earn things by completing some chore or take some kind of responsibility for something. Plus your not teaching him how to deal with disappointments. Everyone has disappointments in life but the parents set an example of how to deal with these in a healthy way. If you don't set limits now, you will be very sorry later when it is too late.

Answer 11

Yes. It' s EXTREAMLY bad. Surely you are seeing the fruit of this already by age 6. I'd move and change my name if I couldn't get my family to respect my wishes in this matter.
What about the gift of experiences? A trip to a recital, not the mall. Visit a farm, not a video game store. Do things rather than buy things. It will mean more to him and not clutter up your house.