Is having children selfish?

Question

Think about it for a second. What is the reason and where is the motivation coming from? Do most people have childrean more or less because that's what they think they're 'supposed to do'?

Is there a reason for having children that isn't a selfish one? "I want to have kids because I want to love them." "I want to have kids because I want to have a family (just like/better than I did when I was a kid)." "I want to have kids because I love my spouse and I want to see how our kids would turn out." Or my personal favorite: "I want to have kids so someone can take care of me when I'm old." In case you don't see the pattern, there are a lot of 'I's and 'me's in those sentences.

Please help me understand.

Answer 1

Sometimes I think it is...because I have been telling my mom all my life that when I get married I wanna adopt, rather than have my own. But my mom wants me to have them because she says its so different to have your own. And that when you have your own they look like you, you love them more, and it's better for yourself. I don't know...but to me, having your own kids is sorta selfish when there are soo many children out there without families. Also, there is a 40 year old lady at my church, who just got custody of her 17 year old step son. He was totally not brought up right with his real mom and he really needs a lot of attention, and all she could think about was having her own child. So now she has a 1 year old, and she's pregnant again, and she totally ignores her step son. To me, that's very selfish!!! I don't know, I guess it depends on the person though.

Answer 2

Ideally, children are an extension of your love for your husband/wife. People want to have children and build a family because we are wired that way from the beginning of the world. If everyone felt like you do right now, there would be no one here to ask or answer this question. I don't know how old you are but I'm assuming your probably pretty young - in your 20's or younger. People that age should not have children. You need to establish yourself in your life. Young people are at a selfish stage - that's not meant to be an insult - it's just reality and there's nothing wrong with it. Just don't do something stupid like getting yourself "fixed". Most people, when they have a child, the second that child is born, their life changes. They love their children overwhelmingly and powerfully on site. I know, I've been there. Most parents can't and don't want to imagine their lives without their children. It is the most profound moment of your life when that child is born. No recreational drug can compare to it. Someday you may decide to have children and you will know exactly what I mean.

Answer 3

I want to have kids because I am hoping they will do something great for man kind.. You are picking and reaching for an answer or understanding that may not be there. People have children for all kinds of reasons, and yes to someone like you they may seem selfish but I can assure you that when you take in to consideration the time and cost associated in raising a child, having one is not selfish but a gift that will take a tremendous amount of care. Do you think about all the things that you give to a child during his or her life? I have been a parent for 10 years and I can tell you that the scales are pretty balanced in the realm of give and take.

Answer 4

You see, I am 29 and I feel no need in having a child. Seriously. I see people who have children and they, the parents are f@cked up! I wonder to myself, 'Why do you have this kid when you look like you take better care of yourself?'
Really. Everybody tells me,'You should have a child to see how it is to be a parent.' What? Are you kidding me? Why should I have a child to please you? What planet are you on? People should have children because they WANT to. not because they want them to see how their kid is going to look. How much sh*t they are going to get at the baby shower. What cute or creative name (good or bad) you can come up with. Because they will take care of you when your old (which, in a lot of cases are NOT true). Because all your friends are having babies or because Mommy or Daddy are desperate in being Grandparents.
I think that sucks!
I do not, nor will, have a child. I do not need a child, I do not want a child. I do not want to be a parent. There is enough stress in my life as is.
I am happy with the situation I am in. I am happy being independent.
People who have children for the reasons I named or the ones that you named, are sad individuals. Not the ones who always wanted and try to conceive. Just those for "selfish" reasons.

Answer 5

I completely understand your question. You are right. The reasons that many people have children is a selfish one. The reason many teenage girls get pregnant on purpose is because "they want someone to love them".

However, having children is a rewarding experience. I haven't had any, so you can ignore me if you'd like, but it's amazing to bring another human being into the world. When I'm old enough, the reason I would like to have kids, is to bring another human into the world, so that he/she can make a difference and experience life. I don't think that's a very selfish reason.

So yes, some people have kids because they want something for themselves. Others, however, have them for other reasons.

Answer 6

I guess if you would define love as selfish, then no there is no reason. I do not understand the reason you gave, "I want to have kids because I want to love them." as being selfish. If it was "I want to have kids so they will love me" then it would be selfish. If you have ever really loved a child, you would know that it is not selfish.

Then again, you probably feed yourself every day. Is that selfish? It is doing something that will benefit you. Yet if you didn't do it, people who loved you would suffer when you died. That would be selfish, too. If the only thing you consider unselfish is something that has no benefit to you at all, I doubt that there are many unselfish things done at all.

A thing can be both unselfish and selfish. You can have children because you want them, and you can pour yourself, your time, your energy, into them unselfishly. Of course, if you do, your kids will probably grow up to be decent people, which will benefit you. So, even that can not be totally unselfish.

I want to have kids because I want them to experience life, to be loved by our family, to love us, and to grow up to be people who are a positive influence in the world. Yes, that is part selfish, but try doing it, and the selfishness theories fly out the window by the first few weeks of a baby's life, when reality sets in. Then it is when you can see if there is the capability to love unselfishly, when these wonderful kids we have demand on us again and again completely selfishly in their tyranical little ways. No four month baby is concerned about my well being, if I am sick, if the toddler was screaming all day, if the bigger kid had me working on his multiplication tables with him until they float in my dreams if only I had a minute to sleep.... all these things mean nothing to the baby - he wants his next meal, and he wants someone to rub his back until he burps all down my back, and he is a perfect little tyrant until he gets it. Ask me then if it is a selfish life.

Answer 7

Mostly, it's impossible to have kids without being unselfish.
They eat most of the food.
They suck up your spare time.
They tax your nerves.
You put off taking care of yourself for their needs, or even wants.
Having children is selfish? You obviously don't have any.
You don't want to understand. You want someone to tell you that YOU'RE not selfish for wanting to spend all your money and time on yourself and never contribute anything to society which you don't actually have to contribute.
I am contributing to the future of the world.
These kids are an investment in everyone's future.
It's a 24/7 volunteer position which costs at least $250,000 from birth to 18 - per kid - to complete successfully.
You're selfish.
Don't call us, we'll call you.

Answer 8

I always think that NOT having kids is selfish. We need recreation for the world to turn. I guess. Right now I dont want any kids and why? Because Im selfish. A child would be a burden right now to me. I have too much going on. So thats my view...

Answer 9

I'd have to say that many people think that it is what they are "supposed" to do. To be successful in this society many people believe that you should have a husband/wife, have a job, have a house, and have children. Many people feel pressured into these things. Many people just want these things for themselves without societal pressures. But just as many people do not have children because they don't feel that having children is right for them. So, while many of the reasons for having children may sound selfish, I think that really it is just about forging relationships.

Answer 10

There is nothing selfish about having children. Children require a LOT of love, attention, care, and understanding. Being a parent is all about giving. Just because thereis alot of I's and me's don't mean a thing except, I have to pay the bills, and I have to get this and that because my child needs it.