How can I get my 12yo son to not be a wimp?

Question

He cries like a weak 5 year old and is affraid of just about everything esp. his mother...he can never say no to anything she tells him to do, I think he would cut his own throat if she told him...how can I get him to grow some balls

Answer 1

well, it sounds like he is around her more than you. If thats the case then a young boy being raised with a woman can be tough. He needs more guy time. Try playing some sports with him, teach him to throw pitch, take him to watch wresling, thats tough

Answer 2

Well, you can start by not talking to him like that. In fact, the harshness of your questions makes me wonder if you dont have some of your own issues that you are projecting on your child. If the mother of your child is your problem, you should probably go to her, not me. Instead of asking random internet strangers, try going to someone you respect as a father, husband, friend, person...someone who's judgement you trust. Or a preacher. Or a parenting website. Or a doctor, maybe he has mental issues, like his dad who describes him to strangers as someone who cries like a weak 5 year old and is afraid of everything. Sounds to me like his dad may be part of the problem. He's 12 years old - let him be a kid! If he's getting beat up at school that's one thing, but otherwise, let him figure out for himself. There is no substitute for experience. And lighten up, Ive never been on Yahoo answers and I probably never will be again, I signed up just to answer your question because its so stupid. It really sounds to me like you have your own issues. Why is this pissing you off or scaring you so much? Grow some balls of your own and be a father

Answer 3

WHOA THERE COWBOY!

Based on your question, you could be a tad overbearing on the boy. It sounds like the boy has low self confidence and low self esteem.

My suggestion: Be as supportive of him as possible. Talk to him. When he gets upset, listen. Don't judge. This will encourage him to be an independant thinker, and begin having the confidence to stand up for himself. Let him explore his own interests and let him express himself in his own way. Encourage him to do so. If he likes doing something, encourage him, even if you hate it. (Unless of course it is illegal. Have to draw the line somewhere). If he likes sports, go to his games. If he likes art, buy him materials. If he likes music, go to concerts with him.

I don't know you, or your situation, or your son, but it could be that you've encouraged him in the other direction by pushing too hard. Try not pushing and see what happens!

(Lest you think I'm some sort of pseudo intellectual pantywaist, I'm a 6'1" 300 lb ex-jock, former consultant to Fortune 500 companies, a small business owner and a soon to be hard core litigator. But the same skills that enable success in a court room or business environment aren't necessarily the ones that will work with your kids!).

Answer 4

My experience of growing up, and watching our two kids growing up, is that at the age of 12 you need as many interests outside home as possible, like camps, scouts, Outward Bound, school trips, and later on overseas travel. Student exchange organisations like the American Field Service are the best thing since sliced bread. Hard knocks won't help your son. More likely, that approach will make him even more dependent on his parents. If he enjoys experiences away from home he'll become more independent.

Answer 5

Well, I'm not a guy.. you sound pretty frustrated, man. I'm 52 and have 2 grown sons. Their dad wasn't around and when he was all he wanted to do was call me a ***** in front of the boys.. SO I'm kinda glad they're fairly well adjusted. I don't know why this kid's so wrapped around his mother's finger, tho.. Are you and she divorced? I suspect so, tho not necessarily I guess. You need to haul him around (what do you like to do? what are you good at/can instruct him in? Don't pick golfing if you suck at that, man.. lol) You bowl/fish/camp, any of that swell ****? (I'm not into it, sorry.. lol) You can't tell him to grow balls, be a man as he'd despise you and hell, you luv the kid, want to help him, don't ya? Well, set him a good 'manly example' (and I don't mean sluggin' down a Blue Ribbon and turning on Nascar, man..) Do something PHYSICAL.. I'm guessing that'll help the 'wimp' comment, ha. What makes him cry? I'm guessing when someone disses him/at the risk of repeating myself, avoid doing that, o.k.? (it's hard.. I've slipped and called my boys names.. the looks on their faces tho.. it haunts ya.. not worth it.) well, hope you glean some kind of helpful info. from all this.. I write a lot. later- melancholia (oh and g'luck)

Answer 6

Don't call him names and make him feel insecure. Some children are just more sensitive than others. You need to chill out and be nice to him. Don't tell him he has no balls or anything like that. He may be a very intellectual child who will grow into a very savvy adult. Just give him some room to grow. Not all boys turn out to be "macho men".

Answer 7

He has probably learned that when he cries, he gets attention or comfort or soemthing else her craves. Maybe send him to summer over night camp (for a couple weeks) away from his parents. He may learn from the school of hard knocks when no one is there to take care of him when he cries. It may be tough love but he may grow up quickly in that environment.

Answer 8

i have a brother who just turned 13 and he is a Wimp. he to crys like a week 5 year old and is afraid of every thing. and most of the time i just dontknow what to do. now as for doing what he is told, is that a bad thing? if he is asked to do bad things and never stands up for it that is wrong, but just in genral is doing what he is told a bad thing? my little brother does what my mom and dad tell him, but NEVER does what i tell him. i hate him, cant wait to get away from him, wish i could never see him again, and hope that some day i will be rid of him for ever. but for now i try and try to teach him to be tougher but he never listens to me. he is also very immature, he asked me tonight why he was not a leader (in bible school) and a girl his age was and i told him that he was not mature enuff and he started to cry (i know, i just proved my point). send him to a boot camp, i wish i could send my bro, but my parents wont let me.

Answer 9

I don't know how you assume he is a wimp and why is he afraid of his mother? Is she a strict disciplinarian? By the time a child is twelve (like one of mine), you need to impose some controls, yet at the same time allow them enough freedom, but within a range.

Answer 10

enrole him in karate that ill toughen him up. and introduce him to a good old fasioned tme out for misbehaiving cause the reason I say this is Im 3 years older than him and it worked on me and im no longer a wimp. so trust me on this one.