I am holding a contest best joke 10 pts?

Question

Really make me laugh enter as many jokes as you want

Answer 1

Q: Why did the monkey fall off the swing?
A: Because he was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall off the swing?
A: Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

Lol.

Answer 2

How about this joke: A blonde is walking down the sidewalk near a busy street when she sees a brunette just standing there saying, "88, 88, 88..." The blonde walks up to the brunette and asks her what she is doing. The brunette says "Oh, I'm just counting. Do you want to too?" The blonde says yes, and the blonde and the brunette both stand on the sidewalk saying, "88, 88, 88..." Finally the brunette says, "You know, counting is even more fun if you go out in the middle of the street." So the blonde goes out in the middle of the street and starts counting, "88, 88, 88..." SPLAT! The blonde gets hit by a car. And back on the sidewalk the brunette smiles and says, "89, 89, 89..."

Answer 3

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
>For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
>Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
>Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
>
>The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
>consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that
>it
>has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were
>Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
>
>Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid
>form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for
>use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself
>a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it
>gives
>new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good
>old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the
>name of: MOUNT & DO.
>
>Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and
>Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there
>should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
>and
>absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
>

Answer 4

Little Timmy had been in the hospital with a bbroken leg. He was getting better. The doctor comes into the hospital room and asks Little Timmy "What are you going to do once you get out of this hospital?" Little Timmy replied with a serious look "I am going to go out and buy a box of Tampax". The doctor, with a confused look asks "Why?", Little Timmy says "Well I saw them on TV and the ad said that with them, you can go skating, swim, ride a bike, and do almost anything you want."

Answer 5

This women was having twins and she went to machine thing that can tell the future of you baby and she wanted to know witch one would have a successful job that would make the family look good. The machine told her that the one on the right would be a lawyer and the one on the left would be a rock star. so she went to have the one on the left removed. When it was time for the baby to be born it came out singin YOU GOT MY BROTHER BUT YOU DIDN'T GET ME I HID BEHIND MY MOMAS LEFT TITTY!!!

Answer 6

why does Michael Jackson have a belly button? For kids to leave their gum on the way down! ba dump bump!

How many idiots does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but they gotta be real real small! ba dump bump!

Did you hear about the two blondes driving to Disneyland? They saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" and so they turned around and went home! ba dump bump!

Answer 7

Did you hear the pope has the bird flu virus? he got it from a cardinal.


a polish guy tells his wife shes a virgin on their honeymoon and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. " just take that thing you play with and put it where I pee" she tells him, so he picks up his bowling ball and puts it in the sink.

how do you know your dog's gay?

all he chases are mazdas, saturns and mercedes benzes

whats the ultimate show of trust and bravery?
two gay cannibals giving each other head

Bush says something intelligent.....


Vin

Answer 8

three thiefs have stolen the following
thief 1 >> stole an apple
thief 2>> stole a banana
thief 3 >> stole a big watermelon.
the police caught them and force them to put what they have stolen in their a s s e s, thief 1 started to put the apple in his a s s in this moment he started to cry and then he started to laugh then crying>>laughing........policemen asked him why are you crying and laughing at the same time?.. he said I cry because it is painful and i laugh because of my friend thief 3 what is he going to do and how? he stole a big watermelon.

Answer 9

i didnt remember it very well cuz it wuz a loooong time ago but it went kinda like a pencil a pickle and a penis were sitting in a room talking about their lives, the pencil says my life sucks people are always sharping my head and rubbing my *** off, the pickle says no my life sucks people take me away when im little put me in a bucket of vinegar for years then they eat me...the penis then says you two think your life is bad my master wakes me up out of a dead sleep puts me in a bag throws me in a dark room and beats my head against the wall till i puke...lol...i loved it when i was younger...

Answer 10

A tanker truck full of distilled vinegar crashes head on into a semi-truck loaded down with Evian bottled water. What sound did the trucks make as the hit?







DOOOOOOUCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ; )