I am a very strong believer that sex should be for marriage. Not just because of my religion but also because it causes more problems then the immediate gradifications. (because of the toll it takes with ur heart (a special connection is formed), STDs, pregnancy, ect.). My boyfriend is in the same religion but now I have just found out that he is/was extremely sexual active and have totally different morals then I thought he did. Ie. Very different then me. I suspect he does friends with benefits and such. I feel kind of betrayed and lied to. I was wondering how much am I entitled to know about his previous sexual activity with his other gfs and friends and ask why. And if I am entitled to know if anything is presently occurring (ie. Friends with benefits) since I am not sleeping with him. And if it is… is it cheating? Do I have the right to complain or am I just putting my morals onto him? Should i confront him about this topic at all?? We have been together for 4.5 months.
2006-06-19 11:48:38 · 10 answers · asked by lost_in_thought 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well... you have the right to complain if he explicitly told you that he hadn't slept with other girls before your relationship, because then that would be lying. But if he never brought it up and you just assumed that you had the same morals, then you kind of have less of a right to complain.
BUT, if he currently has friends with benefits, then that definitely IS cheating, since he's your boyfriend, and he shouldn't be fooling around with other girls..
I think you should talk to him about it, but don't throw any harsh accusations at him..
2006-06-19 11:56:39 · answer #1 · answered by orange juice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have great respect for you to choose sex after marriage.. it's your choice and certainly your right to choose....Did u indicated that you are looking for a virgin when you first meet your bf? or did u assume because he comes from the same moral background therefore he is a virgin? If u expect your bf to be virgin you have to specify in the very beginning and never assume. the difficulty is good luck for proving a man being a virgin..you might be able to find one but i can guarantee you it's very difficult . You have no right to his past before he met you. Only after you both dated perhaps you should ask him. He could lie to you or he could tell you honestly.....what you gonna do than? Depending on how you define your relationship. You cannot expect someone who was sexually active and upon knowing you becomes a celibates instantly. It's unrealistic expectation. So the ball lies in your court so to speak. you can held your conviction to your high moral ground, break off with him and look for someone else. or continue with someone who consider you as gf yet sleep with someone else......perhaps you should state your expectation explicitly before you start a relationship the next time....
2006-06-19 12:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure is 4.5 months is long enough to be that intrusive and quite frankly if you should be sleeping with him period. Religion or not. Dont let men influence what you believe in your heart. Dont do anything that you are possibly going to regret. I think you should ask him if there is someone and tell him that its ok to be honest. And wether or not he is sleeping with someone, as him if its becasue of attraction or sexual needs. Hes probably doing it because he cares about you and respects your need to be a virgin but does not want to cause you any stress with his lack of intercourse.
2006-06-19 11:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by Momo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both have committed to each other as a couple and are not just dating, then he should not be doing anything with anyone else that would jeopardize your relationship. You should talk to him about ANY of your concerns, of course. If you feel like you've been deceived, now would be a good time to leave since you aren't too deep into it.
One thing about players, they seldom stop even after marriage.
2006-06-21 17:30:59 · answer #4 · answered by BBQribs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not mention how young both of you are and where you come from. Cultural and religious morality are somehow different in some ways that both may collide each other. In some place, lovers engage in sex to determine how deep they are compatible. It is sad to find out that the intimate thing you do is the worst incompatibility for both of you. And in some place like yours, religion has a deep rooted grasp on peoples thoughts, actions and ideas.
But then, i want to ask you. Do you love him? Considering you are in a four and a half month relationship, it is too early yet to yield on his desire. But i am not suggesting you will give in to him. It is your prerogative if you are comfortable and love to do it with him.
Now you suspect he enjoys sex with somebody else, then you surely is going to lose him one of these days. He will dump you or you will dump him.
I tell you, i am not against any religion but i did not allow their ideas and teachings control my life. I decide what is best for myself. No one knows if there's heaven nor hell. But i believe God so much that is why i respect other people's rights.
Back to your boyfriend, ask him how much he loves you. Ask him how far can he go for his love to you. Of course, he will promise the heavens and the stars, but check on his actions not just by words.
If you really love him, subtly bring him the topic. You both discuss your ideas about having sex but try it not become an argument. Just fair discussion.
Regarding "benefit friends", dont confront him yet without the positive informations and proofs. But i want to ask you, what will be your reactions if he confirms it? Will you still love him? If you do, you deserve and explanation on this matter. And ask him to correct this if he wants to spend life with you.
As for the moment, continue observing him. Give him the consideration to grow. Show to him how kind and considerate woman you are. Remember no one is perfect so please dont expect perfection from him. As long as the person strives to do what is best, continue to give him the chance like God does. Even if we fall, he still loves us and provides us with kindness.
But dont hesitate to warn him that if catch him doing things against your relationship you will dump him for somebody else, LOL!
Fight for your love and not lose him!
2006-06-19 12:33:24 · answer #5 · answered by awbmob1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is sleeping or kissing wit another girl its cheating, plain and simple.
Knowing about his past is a little tricky because it seems that you already know the answer. And if he tells you the truth you have to deal with it regardless of what the truth is.
If i was you i wouldnt want to now it will only cause problems and tehn you will compare yourself to the ex and its only trouble.
My advice is if you enjoy your time with him and he is truthful to you and not sleeping with other girls.... then have fun and enjoy the relationship
2006-06-19 11:54:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK his past is he past...yes you should be able to ask about it..as for if his friends with benefits that is SO cheating...and last about your morals....if they are your morals why would you want to be with him?I say cut you ties now rather then later when you will get more hurt !
2006-06-19 12:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no man can wait till marriage wouldn't you test drive a car before you buy it and there is no telling the guy u marry is the one and if you guys get a divorce r you going to marry another man before you have sex because that might be a whole load of men
2006-06-19 11:54:17 · answer #8 · answered by sexysash69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to question him and find out his intentions. It sounds like he has lied to you and are entitled to know what his intentions are and if he is doing anything with anyone else. If he refuses to answer you satisfactorily then dump his butt fast
2006-06-19 12:18:00 · answer #9 · answered by Julie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try finding someone who believes in what you do.
2006-06-24 05:00:48 · answer #10 · answered by Niceguy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋