my niece has a issue with masturbation, any serious advice ?

Question

i had her over and i could have sworn it was an adult video. i asked her what was going on and she says it feels so good she can't stop. her mom says she does it at the most inappropiate times and shows no remorse after she knows she has been caught(wets the bed).

she is 10 years old

Answer 1

Seriously..you need to get the mother to see a doctor with the child for an examination..child abuse is quite possible and needs to be ruled out..Thats the first step medical exam and then the doctors advice.

Answer 2

Well, I'm not a trained or educated professional on the subject, but I do have over 40 years both as a parent and an educator (elementary level). It sounds like it's not so much the niece, but her auntie who has an issue with masterbation.

You don't mention your niece's age, but I assume she is very young. The important thing to remember here is not to make a big damn deal about it, so that your niece feels BAD and GUILTY about doing what stems from natural curiosity. And after all, it does feel good.

All she needs to know is that some things are private and not done around other people. That's why we call our genitals "privates". She just needs to be gently reminded and will soon see that other kids don't play with themselves in public and stop doing it in time. Be patient and loving with her and do NOT shame or embarrass her.

Answer 3

Actually I learned in A child psych class things like this is normal as odd as it may seem ,it is a phase. You didn't say how old the child was but according to the text it could start as early as age 3. Now for my opinion I would let the child know that this behavior is unacceptable. No matter how good it may feel or how self soothing it is, it is very inappropiate. I wouldn't allow it to continue even though I have read of instances when parents allowed their children to do it as longs as they where in an appropiate place . This behavior should not be alowed strictly on the basis of you should let a child do what they want to do or what feels good to them. If you disagree would you allow the same if your child was being sexually active at a very young age!

Answer 4

The first thing she needs is to feel remorse. She may be hiding it or she may not feel that it is a problem. Talking to her should accomplish this. She should be able to at least agree to try to stop or cut down based out of respect for you. The next step is distraction. The more you busy yourself with other things, the less you will think about it. There are other small things that make a big difference. Don't be alone unless you have to. Don't go to bed when you are not tired. Don't look at yourself nude in the mirror, in fact, don't be nude unless necessary. Little by little, you will find other things that you can enjoy in life (until you are in a relationship, but that is another topic.)

Answer 5

I can not believe some of the answers on here.

You do NOT shame or punish a child for something that is considered natural and normal behavior. I am *shocked* that so many people suggested that. Seriously people, pick up a book on child rearing or child psych by any qualified author.

If the child is younger than 5, you may want to try to divert their attention if the behavior occurs in public, but DO NOT make a big deal about it. It will pass.

If the child is old enough to understand, in this case probably older than 5, the same sex parent should have a very low stress conversation about discretion. I sometimes use the "bathing suit" senario when talking with young children in my office. You can simply tell the child that, when in public, you should not touch areas of your body that are covered by a bathing suit. This analogy covers genitals for both sexes and breasts for females. This may also be a good time to explain to the child that no one else should touch them in their "bathing suit areas", or in any other way that makes them uncomfortable.

Most children develop a sense of modesty between the ages of 5 and 7. Usually girls develop this earlier than boys. Behavior such as this usually ceases when a child reaches this stage of development. They suddenly become aware of their bodies and may not want others to see them naked; even if it is an individual, such as a parent or grandparent, who used to bathe them regularly.

No matter the age, if the behavior is very frequent, or if the child is well past the age when modesty usually occurs, seek the advice of your general doctor first. He may refer you to a specialist.

I don't mean to be so blunt, and I realize that the tone of my answer is very condescending, but if the lady asking the question were to take some of the advice offered here, it could very well negatively affect the child's view of healthy sexual relationships for LIFE.

Seriously, questions of this nature should not be asked on a public forum such as this one. They are for professionals.

Edited to add:

To the person who asked the question, I commend you for seeking advice. It shows that you care about your neice and her well-being.

The advice in my answer is directed at you, but my tone and the other comments are directed at those who attempted to answer your question, but apparently are not qualified to do so.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

You didn't mention how old your neice was...but personally i would be asking the serious questions like...Has she been molested...and how did she find that it feels so good...then, her mother or..you should explain to her that masturbation is ok, so long as it is kept private. Tell her that there are appropriate places and times for such activities.

Be straight forward, serious and honest with her, but do NOT punish her for doing what comes naturally...just give her some appropriate time and a place to do it in private.

Answer 7

depending on how old she is. if shes under the age of 16 then i would say that she does need help but if shes older than that then it would be considered natural because in a way she is just "discovering" herself. but then again if she is under the age of 16 and has some social problems like she doesnt interact good with others or she was social and has now abandoned all her friends and all she can do is masturbate then that wold be considered a problem

Answer 8

how old is she?? Sometimes there isn't a lot you can do about it. If she wont stop they should ask her to just to it in private and to keep it clean or something. If they really want her to stop, they can take her to a physciatrist *spelling*. They may be able to help her come to terms with what she is doing. Maybe there is another way for her to get her ya ya's out. try a gym. GOod luck and what ever you and they do, do not make it sound dirty or embarrass her.

Answer 9

my friends daughter always did this....i couldn't take it! her and my youngest daughter were friends and this little girl did this 24/7! it was to the point i pretty much ended the friendship with the mother...i didn't want this child around mine! it just made me and my kids so uncomfortable....didn't bother the mom, though! i raised 3 girls, and never had this problem with them. actually, I LEARNED IN CHILD PSYCH. that it is normal for a child to to this OCCASIONALLY, but if a child does this alot, issues of molestation are at stake. BTW, this child's mother had alot of different boyfriends stay the night. i truly believe this child saw something she shouldn't have.
EDIT....EXCUSE US OCEAN GIRL FOR NOT HAVING YOUR SUPERIOR WISDOM, I HUMBLE-LY BOW TO YOU. I SPEAK AS A MOTHER WHO HAD A DAUGHTER MOLESTED. BRAG ALL YOU WANT ABOUT YOUR DEGREE AND YOUR EXPERIENCE....I'VE DEALT WITH THE REAL THING. YOU SOUND AS USELESS AS THE CHILD PSYCH. WHO TREATED MY CHILD. WE ALL HAVE A RIGHT TO ANSWER ON HERE, RIGHT OR WRONG. IS THIS HOW YOU DEAL WITH YOUR PATIENTS???
FURTHER EDIT:
OVER 20 YEARS EXPERIENCE AS A MOTHER FOR WHICH I AM QUALIFIED. I DON'T CARE IF MY TONE IS BI@TCHY, IT IS DIRECTED AT YOU AND NONE OF THE OTHERS.

Answer 10

it is probably a problem with sexual abuse my daughter is 11 and she was abused by her uncle we had to put her in counseling once you wake her hormones up tho you cant put them back to sleep she needs to be taught about the right and wrong things in sex like protection n stuff you cant use the christian thing and just tell her not to that just makes her rebel teach her the right things to do or you will end up with a pregnant niece by the age of 12 with some kind of disease