How do I tell my friend that I am afraid of her son?

Question

My friend has invited my husband, kids and myself to their bar-b-q they are having this weekend before they move to another state. So, I do want to attend to say goodbye and celebrate with them. Well, she has a rather violent 4 year old autistic son that her mother had custody of, but now he's back with her since last week. The last time I went over to her home, the boy cracked a lamp over my back and laughed about it, then picked up the one of the shards and tried to cut my leg. He also pushed my son down the staircase and threw a FULL trash can at him, once again laughing at the distress he put someone in. I don't want to be rude and not show, but I really am afraid of this boy. What would you do if this was a really good friend who was moving away?

Answer 1

The child definetly has violence tendencies or doesnt realize/cant help being so aggressive. His mother has to know this as well. Isnt anyone watching or disciplining him? Since you are going as a family, you or your husband should be in constant contact with your son to protect him. As an adult, I hope you can defend yourself and be on the look out for any possible harmful situations.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say anything since your friend is moving and it will not be a concern in the future. Could you find someone to watch your son for the day? I'm not so concerned about you and your hubby b/c you can take care of yourselves but your 4 yr old is another matter. If you do have to bring him i would make sure he is within sight at all times. Maybe make it a short visit and as someone else suggested take her out to a 1-1 lunch another day.

Answer 3

What about an approach like this:

"Jane, you're such a dear friend, and I'm going to miss you when you leave. I want to come over to your barbeque, but there is something bothering me. I've known you so long, I know I can tell you, but I don't want to hurt you by telling you, either!

The last time we were over, little Johnny scared me. I know you love him, and you should. But, he's strong enough to hurt me, and I don't want to get hurt during our last get together.

What do you think we should do so we can both have fun this weekend?"

If she says, "Hey, that's my boy and he's going to be here," you can always say, "I understand, Jane. If I were your son, I'd want you to put me first, and I respect your decision. Please understand that I wish you well, but I won't be able to attend."

On the other hand, she could say, "Yes, I know his behavior is a concern, and my mother will be taking him for the day."

Good luck--but if you say nothing to your friend, she will move away puzzled by your silence. Be a true friend, and trust her.

Answer 4

Wow. This guy sounds really quite violent. But if hes autistic he probably has very little understanding of how much distress hes causing you. Or even what distress is like. Id advise simply telling the boys mother how you feel outright. Its difficult to bring up, but the consequences of your not telling her could be dire...

Answer 5

How old is this kid again?? Where was his mom when this brat was doing all this? You should of said something the second he threw something at you. I suggest you tell his mom what her son is doing and tell her that you don't mean to be rude, but if you go to their house, you don't want your son alone with her son. Don't worry about being straight out with someone. Espically when it comes to the safety to you and your son. I personally would of slapped the crazyness outta him

Answer 6

LOOK the safty of your child and your self comes first.I AM very sorry her 4 year old is like that but, i would protect my self first.WHAT if he knocks out your eye next? ALSo do what my granny said do: be kind and be honest, above all things.YOU may be doing them a favor.What if this goes on+on+on.? You say your a friend? Tell them the truth. BAR-BE _que? id be afraid that the child would pull the bar-be-que pit on it self.

Answer 7

I just moved to another state and my best friend never showed up at my going away party and I was and still am heartbroken. I cried for hours after the party because I was so distraught that she never even showed up just to say good bye.

She is your friend and you should go. Just go for at least 30 minutes and tell your friend how much you love her and how much you'll miss her. It'll mean the world to your friend. Don't bring up the disturbed child, just keep your distance between him and your family.

Answer 8

i think they know what theyr son does is wrong and is not his fault is the parents because they sould controll him, if i was you i wouldn go i love my kids too much to make them spend time with this kid that my hurt them personally i get mad when kids are rude to my girls or hit them i want to go crazy and spank some kids thats why i try to avoid puttin my kids on this situationd tell her how would she feel if someone was hitting her child if she cant undarstand and doesnt make him stop is not worth to be ur friend dont do to others what you dont want them to do to you

Answer 9

Just dont go. See if you can take her to lunch alone or send a thoughtful gift. Unless you know she how she will take hearing her son is a terror, dont tell her. Keep the friendship, but stay away. Dont subject your family to the abuse.

Answer 10

I would talk to her about this at length. Telling her you would really like to visit with her before she leaves, but you are concerned about being over there b/c of concerns of safety to you and your family. Maybe you suggest a girls lunch date or something. I am sure she would understand.