I know biblically that the only time you get a divorce is when there is abuse, or adultery. At this point there has never been any adultery, but my wife is about to get abused. I can't take her double-standard bull anymore. If I talk about buying something, she's nervous about our finances, but (I kid you not) the next day we could spend double the about of money I would've spent on something she wants.
I sincerely try to make her happy, and do romantic things, but if I mess up just once, it's all over. The yelling, and mean comments abound.
If I am generally a happy person, how long should I be with someone that is not happy with themseleves? We have no kids ( Thank God!). And I do love her, but I think I am beating my head on a rock with this. All answers very welcome.
2006-06-19 10:12:42 · 17 answers · asked by bluejtrain 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Don't give up. And don't beat her or your head against a rock!
Get counseling. For yourself first and then couples therapy. You may need better boundaries (I highly recommend "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend) or better negotiating skills ("Getting To Yes" Roger Fisher). Counseling can help you pinpoint what skills you need to make it work.
If you go on like you are, you will likely just make matters worse for yourself or both of you. If you get divorced, you will likely end up with someone else like her and still won't have the skills you need to deal with that behavior. Plus you'll have baggage from this relationship and unresolved anger. Not fair to carry that to a new relationship.
It's not the movies. It's not that you have a good marriage if you marry the perfect person. It's that marriage is good if you meet it's challenges. If you learn the skills necessary to relate to (and help the growth process of) another person radically different from yourself.
No matter how frustrating she may be to you, there are things you can learn from each other. And you may be surprised to find that you help each other heal in significant ways as well.
I believe God uses us to further the growth of others. Sometimes that's a pleasant process, and sometimes it's painful. Seek counseling. Learn the skills you need to make this a positive process rather than a contest of wills.
2006-06-19 10:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Contemplative Chanteuse IDK TIRH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-20 15:18:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife sounds very selfish and domineering. Have you done counseling or does she think you are the problem? I urge you to seek counselling. What is her family like? Is this a learned behavior from modeling via her mom or dad? DO NOT have children with this woman until this mess is resolved. You can stay married and still live apart so that if she wants to spend her money...so be it. I'd imagine it would be cheaper for you!!! I wish you the best. I hope you have discussed how you feel about this issue with her...and I guess there are other problems as well. Honesty is the best way to go. If she knows how you feel and that there will be consequeses if changes aren't made then you will have done everything you can. Good luck.
2006-06-19 10:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to move right to divorce. Why not separate. Give her a chance to decide what is important to her. Let her miss you a little. Maybe you will miss her and her whining won't seem like a big deal anymore. Lay it out for her and tell her exactly what you are thinking. She may also be feeling the same way. There is no reason why it has to be done in anger. Calmness will really be important during such a discussion. Good luck and may what ever is best for you come to be.
Love & Light
Sharon
2006-06-19 10:23:31 · answer #4 · answered by skippingsunday 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly unhappy and cannot see yourself fixing these problems, I would say now is the time. If you really want to work things out, suggest counseling, or SPLIT THE CHECKING ACCOUNTS. Finances can be hard on a marriage. Seperate finances are sometimes the answer to a happy marriage. Good luck!
2006-06-19 10:17:52 · answer #5 · answered by rednecklady17 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and my husband and I have been married 32 years. It is very difficult to remain married in these "last days". Applying Bible counsel is the best thing to do when there are problems in a marriage. God's Word urges us to show love and to be forgiving (Colossians 3:12-14) You seem to be following that counsel, but sometimes patience is needed. Please do not abuse your wife. Remember that husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. . . . No man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.” (Ephesians 5:28, 29)
Have you lovingly voiced your concerns to her? There are three steps to end an argument: • Listen to your spouse.—Proverbs 10:19 • Respect his or her viewpoint.—Philippians 2:4 Respond in a loving manner.—1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Ask your wife the questions below, and listen to the answers without interrupting. Then have her ask same of you.
• Do I tend to be argumentative?
• Do I really listen when you express yourself, or do I impulsively respond before you are finished speaking?
• Do my words come across to you as insensitive or angry?
• What can we both do to improve our style of communication—especially when we do not agree on a matter?
I hope things will improve for you----Remember too, that God is always willing to listen to our prayers. Pray to him about your situation. He cares about us and wants us to be happy.
2006-06-19 10:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by Micah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may need professional help. Try going to a counselor with her and working the problems out.
Remember the "for better and for worse" part of the wedding?
This might be the "for worse" part.
Not getting along isn't a reason to break vows.
I'm very happy you have not had children in this relationship.
2006-06-19 10:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Dustin Lochart 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the counseling as was suggested before but also have her checked for depression. What you might be going through could be a form of abuse. It could be a form of verbal and emotional abuse which can be more harmful than physical.
2006-06-19 10:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by agirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like you need some counseling.Have you talked to her about this stuff? You will regret it for the rest of your life if you get divorced, especially if you don't try and work it out. Try reading The Five love languages.I will keep you in my prayers.
2006-06-19 10:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by mojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling maybe? Sounds like you really do love her, or you wouldn't be here asking for help.
Maybe find a counselor. Marriage counseling can work wonders.
And if it doesn't work, at least you tried. That's more that lots of people can say.
Best of luck to you.
2006-06-19 10:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by paj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋