My baby sister (she's 16) keeps having sex with a guy who I know is pretty much an asshole. He drags her along for as long as he needs something to do, but doesn't want to actually date her... I am torn between being the big sister who you tell your secrets to, and being the protective big sister who doesn't want to see her lifelong best friend getting hurt... Do I let the parents in on any of this, or let her learn her own lessons?
2006-06-19 09:32:49 · 22 answers · asked by lizwatson109 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There is no reason why you can't be both. You can get involved without telling your parents.
2006-06-19 09:36:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooh- that's tough. You don't want to ruin the relationship you share with your sister but you don't want her hurt either. Tell her how you feel and what you've observed. Don't be confrontational about it but don't spare the details either. She will of course deny it and think you are lying. But that tid bit of info will be in the back of her brain and will needle its way through her bf being an asshole. She may get hurt, but she shouldn't make the same mistake twice. Just be prepared to be there when she realizes you are right.
(You should also be prepared to eat a little crow if your assessment turns out to be wrong. Not saying you are but you are only seeing one side of the situation. Just some food for thought. The word of Big Sis is not always the word of God)
2006-06-19 16:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to keep her save and have fun with her.................. right.Well 1st sit her down and explain what type of guy he is if she goes back and do the same thing let her learn but if something big happens the parents need 2 know.If she gets mad for you telling on her so be it she will thank you in the long run .She is only 16 she has a long live to learn more.If she doesn't she has no respect 4 you or herself.This advice will work.In conclusion be sister and mom at the same time but more sister than mom
thanks
2006-06-19 16:54:46 · answer #3 · answered by hoodqueen118 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are not comfortable with it and that she should actually find a guy that cares about her other than sticking to one that doesn't care, tell her that he is just using her as his latest sex toy..... This isn't a lesson you want to let her learn because she could get pregnant or something else and it could ruin her life. You want her to learn a lesson not ruin her life...just sit her down and explain to her how you feel about the situation..and if that doesn't work you should tell someone like a counselor your concerns. Don't go to your parents unless it is a personal problem, because then your sister will resent you..
2006-06-19 16:39:22 · answer #4 · answered by <3*manda*massacre*<3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you must let her learn her own lessons. - If you tell your parents she will hate you for it and probably continue to see this boy out of spite.
I think if you just let her know your opinion and reassure her that you will always be there for her no matter what her decision is the situation is going to work out on its own.
I know its hard to step to the side lines in this sort of thing I am a big sister and have had to do it many times myself. I tried the whole tell parents stuff, and it made everything worse. My sister started staying out past curfew, and going to lots of parties with lots of boys. She has out grown that stage now but it was a nightmare for my parents. So I suggest to let it ride.
2006-06-19 16:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by Tigger7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your parents...It is not your job to raise your sister, it is your parents job and they need to know what is going on so they can act accordingly..otherwise it will just go on regardless of what you say...if she is 16 she "already knows what is best for her" regardless of what her big sister may already know..(she's a teenager, i was the same way and so is my baby sister) She won't do as you say because you have no authority over her, but you can bet your *** if her dad says no she will listen, or try and break the rules, get caught, and have a worse punishment than before
2006-06-19 16:52:24 · answer #6 · answered by violet1656 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will be pregnant, alone, trying to raise a child and MAYBE going to school, or not going to school and be left with very few prospects in life, your parents will have to raise the child AND work to put food on the table, the kid will suffer because his or her mom will blame them for ruining her life at 16... and you will feel guilty because you could have stopped all of this and helped her get back on track.
Talk to her first... if that fails and you're still worried about her, talk to your parents. but somebody better talk to her. This guy is fcuking up her young life and if he's an azzhole, he won't be around when the going gets rough.
2006-06-19 17:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your desire to help your sister comes from your heart. However, it is up to your sister to make her own mistakes and learn from them. If you don't feel comfortable hearing about her love life, then you can express that to her. If you do want to listen, try just listening and not giving advice unless she asks. Most people don't want to be told what to do. Unless there is something dangerous going on in the relationship, like violence, I think it's a needless violation of her privacy to tell your parents.
2006-06-19 17:54:49 · answer #8 · answered by thecentrecannothold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the big sister, I always told myself that I would only tell our parents if it was something potentially harmful (drugs, etc). Is your sister on birth control? Is she having unprotected sex?
If she's keeping her bases covered, there's unfortunately not much you can do. If you tell on her for having sex, that's not going to stop her; if you tell her not to date the guy, she's just going to date him more, ya know?
Just talk with her, let her know your concerns, and hope for the best.
2006-06-19 16:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by paj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I obviously can't be a sister so maybe I don't fully understand these things but can't a big sister who is held in confidence also give advice and warnings? If you ever want to have her confidence again don't talk to the parents. However, it's better to talk to the parents if you think she's in danger.
2006-06-19 16:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by oldman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the big protective sister and the one who tells secrets but you just have to know when to be it. And in this situation, it is the protective one. Tell her what you tink about this guy and what she needs to look out for if he is using her.
2006-06-19 16:37:45 · answer #11 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋