HELP! I am getting SO worn out!?

Question

My kids are driving me crazy! Actually i should say that my life is driving me crazy. I love my family very much, but I am just SO stressed out all the time. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. My husband goes to work every day of the week and I stay home with the kids. My husbands job only pays 130 a week, and he cant find another job close to our house. Moving is not an option, as I am making payments on my land/house that are lower than any rental or other purcahse. We are so far behind on bills and I worry about that all day while I care for the kids, and they NEVER listen to me. Its roasting hot in my house, and I can never get anything done. Theres always dirty dishes and dirty clothes and toys everywhere, I feel like I never get any relief. My husband works hard, but he gets to relax for at least a few hours in the afternoon. I dont want to ask him for extra help because he helps enough as it is. I am just feeling totally DRAINED at the BEGINNING of the day......Ahh

Ah man. Thanks for all the advice. I know that it is going to stay hard no matter what.

I just got up, decided to do a little power cleaning, swept the floor picked up all the toys, clothes, etc. and was so hot I decided to have some ice water and sit for bit. The washer finished, and I got up and grabbed the cloth diapers and hung them on the line real quickly, came back here to find that my ice water had been dumped all over my seat and the carpet, my 2 yr old on the coffee table and my younger one had taken her diaper off, peed on the floor and knocked over the trash. They managed to do this all in the matter of seconds that it took me to see them through the door and walk across the room to them. well. im going to get another glass of water. thanks.

Answer 1

So, did venting all that help? Or at the very least, did you get a break sitting down for the time it took to type all that? Good. Now. What's the most important chore for you to get done right now? OK, leave the computer on, go do that, and come back.

Welcome back. Now. Can you realize that you must pace yourself, you must give yourself breaks. Fix some iced tea to help deal with the heat, and try not to let the whole large ball of BS get to you. Sort out one thing at a time. Maybe what you need at a particular time is an activity with the kids to get them tired enough for a nap. Fine. Do something with them for awhile, and don't worry about cleaning or cooking for that time. Then, while they nap, try to map out a plan for your day.

Also remember that if you do the most important thing first, and keep at it, the pile of BS does indeed get reduced. When you clean something, mark on the calendar when you expect it will be piggy enough to need cleaning again, and just sort of give it a "lick and a promise" in the meantime.

Also, please remember that worrying does not count as an activity. Planning does, but not worrying.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

You absolutely MUST create options here or you will have the screaming meemies permanently. You might want to reevaluate whether moving is an option - what with the cost of gas going up and probably permanently. Maybe renting your land/house for a little more than your mortgage plus the savings in gas would make moving more feasible.

But assuming it will not, then control is going to be the key here. First, control of the children. They are small, but they can learn to mind. Children will learn what they live. If you actually MEAN what you say, and do what you say you will do, then you will teach them the same thing. You should not have to repeat yourself....if you tell the older one to stop doing something then you better mean it and there better be consequences for not stopping. For the little one, a bop on the behind (not a smack - just a bop to tell her/him you mean business -- it has shock value) will emphasize that you mean what you say. You should never be at the point of screaming "how many times do I have to tell you .......!" That is a logical argument and they are too young for that. The answer is once; the second time has consequences. This will be horribly hard at first - mostly on you - because consistency is the key. However, once you get this down, things will flow from that.

Next, create space. A playpen for the little one. A play area for the older one. They stay in that space and give you a little breathing room.

Next, chores. Nope, you can't get it all done, so fugitaboutit. Just set out for yourself what you will do: two chores a day - dishes and laundry. Dishes and trash. Dishes and vacuuming. Dishes and toys. That's it.

Now, hubby. Yeah, yeah - I know he works hard and needs to relax, but SO DO YOU! You are working 24/7 here, kiddo - and you need a few hours here and there. You two need to set this out. Ok, so he comes home and gets an hour or so. But then, HE bathes the kids and puts them to bed each night while you get some quiet time to yourself. Saturday - one of you sleeps in and the other gets up with the kids. Sunday, reverse - the other gets a little extra sleep.

Finally, the bills. Move to a cash only basis. If you are deep in debt, go to a credit counselor and have your bills reduced in finance charges. Get on a budget with them that you can live on. And stay on it forever.

You need to take control of this, my dear, or you will go over the top!

Good luck!

Answer 3

OK, first of all take a deep breath. Second of all, every mother that reads this understands how you feel and has been there at some point in her life.

You know they just did a study and added up all the things mothers do- childcare, chores, laundry, etc. They figured for all the hours women work, they should be paid about $115,000 a year! That means motherhood is hard work!!

Girl, with 2 kids that age you have your hands full! When they go down for a nap... go outside with a book, magazine.. something and take a breath. I love that time my two year old takes a nap to use to paint my toes, talk on the phone, take a bath, something selfish that I want to do.

Do your parents live nearby? Church? Friends? Someone who will watch you kids for a few hours or a night? It is amazing what a little time off will do. Trust me. You really need some time to yourself to decompress and relax.

Hang in there, mama, you're doing a good job! It's not easy!

Answer 4

It will be okay. Try to get some help from you parents, siblings, cousins and other family. That's what my parents did that the begin of their parent hood. My dad was working all day, back to college at night. My mom was working, taking care of my brother. My cousin Pam helped babysit, my grandparents gave money, infact they payed for the whole upstairs. My dad graduated from college a couple at the age of 32, a could months before I was born, with a two year old son.

Now, 14 years later, my dad is a computer net-worker. He makes a ton of money. My mom has the same job, which she has been working at for 21 years. SHe doens' t make nearly as much, but she does help pay for the extra stuff (ex: trailler, pool,ect.) This is my dads 6th or 7th year at his job, he works in a different state, about an hour away, but it's a really good job, I'm gald the way my famiy turned out.

I'm sure you and your husbands lives will get easier. Get some help from the family and remeber, ever time you have to sweat, is a time your children don't, because your helping them set up a better future. Work hard, at least for the kids.

Answer 5

Maybe you could go out and try getting a job to help with the bills.That way at least you'd be out of the hose for a while interacting with other adults maybe that way you wouldn't feel so trapped. About your kids listening to you at 2 & 11/2 that won't happen much for the next 2 years.
About the house being hot take the kids out to the park or into the yard for play time if you are hot then I'm sure they are too the break outside would do you all some good.
And considider yourself blessed to have a man that helps out and works hard for his family.

Answer 6

Hello there,
First....You are not alone....
This cry of total exhaustion and being drained is being heard across the country and around the world by mothers who are just worn out. Life in our country is still better than many but that doesn't mean it isn't hard for each person.
But the bottom line is this...
Will worrying make it better?
Will pulling your hair out because you can't keep up make things get done?
Will wondering where you are going to get more money make it fall out of the sky?
Of course the answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO!
You can do no good for anyone if you are stressed out and worried all the time. SO STOP IT.
HOW? By taking care of yourself. You can't fix your husband...IF he isn't making enough money ..then he just isn't...For now you can't fix that...Maybe ...down the road he will make more...And Maybe down the road when the kids are a bit bigger you can make some money yourself. BUT FOR NOW....Your kids are little and they need you....AND THEY NEED YOU TO BE PEACEFUL AND NOT STRESSED....SO how?
Forget about that portion of housework that you can't get done....IS IT REALLY IMPORTANT? NO! DO you kids even NOTICE The house? NO! If there are toys everywhere...thank GOD you have toys....thank GOD you have a house to live in....
RELAX....and if you see the word relax and you think it is dumb....THEN you are hanging onto your depressed, stressed state...You don't have to hang onto it...You can see peace instead. Just stop worrying about all the things that you think should be different....LOVE YOUR LITTLE BABIES....Be glad for them...laugh, smile and feel the joy of knowing you are alive and healthy and have a place to live...MAny people don't
God bless you and take care of YOU....YOU ROCK!

Answer 7

wow girl it depends how old u are if u are younger then 25 it is your fault u should of thought twice before haven kids .u know it was tough so i dont see why. but if u are over 25 then u see the life coming through almost everyone is gonna go through this every time they have kids its something that is natural but eventaully it'll stop .just be calm about this k your husbamd should find a job that is closer and gets out earlyier but at the same time gets paid good. and your husband will help u wit the kids and u could clean up and have time to make up the bills when they are asleep . if the kids dont listen its cuz u arent as bad *** as u should be wit them give them a spakin duh? dont make them spoiled and dont buy so much toys so then it wont get crowded in your house .make sure they have a bedtime so u have time to do other things too.

Answer 8

Okay Lucy in the sky. Take a breather there. A) you need a plan. Your problem is you don't have one. b) you need to clean the sh1t up. A dirty house is a dirty mind. c) quit the drugs, becuase theiy're the source of all the BS in your life. d) you need to improve your income, so look to take classes in the evenings, and consider running a business, maybe an ebay business or a home catering thing or something. Encourage your husband to actively seek other employment. Saying he can't find it probably means he isn't looking. Find something that calms you, like weeding your flower patch or something, becuase your engine is revving way too high and it isn't pretty for the kids. Everything is solveable, you just need a plan.

~Good luck and many blessings

Answer 9

The key to a busy life is organization. When you feel life is out of control and you can't get caught up then you have to stop and plan and organize. I know that is hard with kids but it is important for them to learn to have a plan in their lives as well. Start by sketching out all the tasks you have to do each week, then divide them up between different days as much as possible. Then take each day one at a time and add in time for you to interact with the kids, time for the kids naps, meals, and even time for yourself to just relax even if it is just for 15 or 30 minutes once or twice a day. It will take a month or so for you to get into a schedule and add and drop things as you figure out what works and what doesn't but hopefully in a month you will be getting into a regular routine that allows you to get things done and get a little bit of rest. Remember, always be flexible to some degree because life is never fully scripted.

Answer 10

You need to get out. Of course you love your husband and children very much, but you can't be expected to spend every minute with them. If you have a trustworthy neighbor friend, see if you can get one to watch the kids. Even if it just for an hour to get some fresh air alone. When your husband is home, see if he will watch the kids while you go for a walk or to get some ice cream. Anything will work. You just need time alone to be who you are. Nobody can survive being around children 24/7 no matter how much they love them. Trust me.