I will be getting my degree soon and want alot more out of life then what he does or ever did. I had to attend on-line courses so he would stop holding me back from my education. He thought I would leave him if I go to an actual college. I have three great girls (2,3,4) and want what is best for them. He has done many wrong things in our past and i feel like we have more bad memories than good. I feel scared to leave him because I don't want to be alone. I still have great body and feel good about myself but that does not come from him telling me or showing me. it has always been co-workers and friends that said I could do better. What can I do?
2006-06-19 08:30:43 · 17 answers · asked by christineh689 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
By the way you describe your relationship, you want out. I know that you are feeling stuck, confused, and completely stressed because you feel like you are in a relationship where you are being suffocated and you don't know where you will be if you get out of something that you are so used to. I don't need to tell you you need to get out, you basically said it in your question. If someone is holding you back from your goals and dreams for their own selfish motives, why stay? Also if the bad out weighs the good what do you think that does to your happiness? Life is not meant to live it unhappy, you make make what you want of it. Also each day that passes is a day that you will never get back, and to live them miserably is not worth it. You seem to be looking for excuses not to get out because you are afraid to be alone. Loneliness is not a fun thing, but it's almost if you have been alone with this guy who does not support you. You have your daughters and you have your ambition to progress in life. You can definitely love again! Then are BILLIONS of people in this world, I'm pretty confident that you will find love with someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and support your ideas. It could just be one of those co-workers or friends that have been complimenting you. Good Luck!
2006-06-19 09:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by DLo 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're older now and mature enough to know what makes a good match, other than appearances. Every girl dreams of Prince Charming, but now you just might settle for a stable frog, as long as he has a sense of humor. You know you probably won't find a "good" one in a bar or on the party scene -- they're too busy with their career and being productive to hang out in bars.
Since you are beyond the fantasy and pretense stage, you are probably more in touch with reality and in touch with your spirit and therefore truth. If you aren't in search of truth, you should be.
And because you are just now earning your degree, you are probably leaning toward the teachings of Evolution, rather than Creation, since you're so smart now. There are many lies and biases from your education you will have to overcome also. The system is not your friend.
There is no hurry or particular reason to actively seek that special person that just clicks with you, but you can prepare for the day when you do.
If you've got a bum, then let him be a bum elsewhere. You cannot proceed if he is holding you back. If he's so insecure that you'll leave him, it will only get worse and you can't fix it, and you don't have a whole lot together anyway except fear. Fear is primal, overshadowing, overcoming, and wants first place. This is not life.
If you want happiness, you must seek truth, what is right, and you must get in line with your spirit and not fight it or cross it. Fear is not one of the gifts from God.
Your success or failure lies within you, not him.
One of the most important Samurai texts ever written, by Miyamoto Musashi, “The Book of the Five Rings (1643)”, offers this advice: “Think of what is right and true. Learn to see everything accurately. Become aware of what is not obvious. Be careful even in small matters. Do not do anything useless.”
2006-06-19 15:53:37 · answer #2 · answered by dredude52 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always love again. With time, and the right person, you can find love again. Indeed, maybe even a stronger love. You sound like you know what you want in life (you're getting a degree), but not sure what you want in love. Perhaps he wasn't the right person, he seems somewhat insecure (if he was holding you back from your education goals). And you're not alone... you have three girls. Take some time for yourself and achieve your goals and keep yourself open to finding even deeper love.
2006-06-19 15:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by ahmh81905 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can love again. It sounds like you have a solid start for that, by loving yourself and your children. Now, take it to the next level and take action. I know changing your situation will be scary, but it sounds like you already know you don't want to be there, but just need permission to leave. Consider me the permission fairy. There, you may go and be happy. Controlling, abusive spouses are never good. You are teaching your girls the silent lesson that it is okay to be treated less than well by staying with the same man in the same situation. It sounds like you have managed his behavior by making concessions and letting your dreams wither. As for a great body, that is a plus, but even if you were hideous, would you really deserve to be subjugated like this? Sounds like you are ready to fly. Make a plan and execute it.
2006-06-19 16:48:37 · answer #4 · answered by StudentoftheHumanCondition 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there anything in your heart that still feels anything like love for him?Do you ever want to be with him?Are there times when he makes you happy?Does he provide for the family and is he good to your children?I went through what you are going through about 7 yrs ago.My husband and I were togerher for about 7 yrs and married for 5 with 2 great kids.He was a bum and never thought to improve his life.Nor did he want me to improve mine.We lived off welfare and he never worked.We stopped sleeping together after awhile and I just left him.But I did'nt feel any type of love for him and never missed him.We divorced and later I remarried a great man who I've been with for 7 yrs and still love.It's all about what you feel is best for you and the kids.God bless,and good luck in whatever you do.Love can withstand but only if you really want it too.
2006-06-19 15:54:43 · answer #5 · answered by Fluttery 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after the relationship is over, completely over
you will reach a day where you are in total despair bc u r alone
completely on your own with 3 kids
then remember that your degree is to show you dat you have dat much perseverance and your will alone will always guide you
so one day, you will meet another man
take your time, don't seek, let him come to you
and you will discover love like never before
bc your are wiser
2006-06-19 15:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by Lapis Lazuli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be scared there is no reason for u to be scared u don't need him if have a lot of bad memories and yes u can love again it just takes time.
2006-06-19 15:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by blackfoxcoz69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in one for 9 yeras and I have moved on, now I am in one for a year and I am getting acustom to the whole cycle of life, one time you love the next your heart is on the ground as I always say it all takes time
2006-06-19 15:34:13 · answer #8 · answered by snockey23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, is someone going to be better then him?you definately can love again cause look, you found love to begin with. besides love is not something you choose. it just happens.I know cause it happened to me. I am now with a man that I have been with for 4 yrs. the relationship before this was 28 yrs. so you tell me?can you love again? good luck!peace be with you!
2006-06-19 16:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your educated can take care of yourself, still have gr8 bod,relocate or join a diffrent group, say the serenity prayer, believe everyday what you r doing will only make you even better, email me i will support you by email
2006-06-19 15:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by coolcherry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋