What are the long term effects on a child whose Mother does not teach the child proper social skills?

Question

My daughter mother does not teach her any social interaction skills. I have visitations every weekend and there is only so much I can do in 2 1/2 days a week. What will be the long term effects on my daughter?

Answer 1

As an Early Xhildhood Educator, I can tell ou that the long term affects can be minimized by you. It will end up taking more time for your daughter to learn, but if you persevere and teach in a kind and gentle manner, she will learn. My advice is to use gentle reminders when you first start. Give her about a month or so to understand what you want her to do. For example, if she wants a toy from someone else, and she just takes it away, gently remind her that it is not polite to take toys away from other people. Show her how to ask for the toy. Then teach her that she may have to wait her turn if the other child says no. Do this for about a month. Then, if the behaviour continues, use a harsher tone of voice to remind her. Try not to yell ( I know it is hard). This will only reinforce her raising her voice. If she refuses to listen, put her on time out for one minute per her age (provided that she is 3 or older). So for exampl, if she is 3 years old, she would sit for 3 min.

Long term affect could be minimal. These would include:
-not sitting still in class
-trouble making friends
-trouble keeping friends
-not following rules in class

The affect could also be dramatic:
-anti-social behaviours
-being alone for extended periods of time
-depression, etc.

If you are truly worried, talk to her mother about putting her in a childcare center or playgroup for a couple of days a week. this will help her learn manners and such. Also spend as much time with her as you can and show her the proper ways to deal with other children.

Answer 2

If you keep showing her how to behave (even just a few days a week), she will eventually learn to be a proper person. The reactions of others to her good behavior will be much better than the reactions to her bad habits, and eventually, she will drop rude behavior.

It will be very difficult without her mother backing you up, but please stick with it. You must love your daughter to have posted this question, so keep that in mind when things get rough because she thinks you're the "bad guy" for making her behave a certain way. When she's an adult (or maybe even sooner), she will be eternally grateful to you for showing her how to be respected in life.

You don't say how old she is, but remember to reward proper behavior in an age-appropriate way. It could be a simple compliment. You don't need to buy her with presents and rewards. Also don't be afraid to punish when she doesn't behave. You are going to save her from a life of poverty and disrespect.

If you can't handle yourself in a mature fashion, you will never be respected by others, and you will never have a decent job. No one wants to hire someone with an attitude problem, and they certainly will NEVER promote them. I'm not saying she needs to be come the president of some company, but everyone from the CEO to the lowest paid person at that company needs social skills to hold down their job.

Answer 3

Well, she could become what they call developmentally delayed, and in the long term, she may need counseling or therapy to learn how to behave with other people.

But, if you're working with her on those 2.5 days a week...believe it or not, even that little bit of time will work for her, not against her.

If you are quite concerned, then speak to her school counselors if she's school aged...or her head start, day care, etc, on what techniques they use when children are "behind" socially.

Being an advocate for her is the best thing you can do.

Answer 4

This must be frustrating for you. Well, some effects could be that adults in her life find her behavior frustrating. She may be seen as rude or self-centered (if she does learn manners and reciprocating). She may see herself as being entitled to too much.

An excellent, EXCELLENT book on parenting that I just recently read is 'How Much Is Enough?" by Jean Illsley Clarke. It has a lot of fantastic information about what happens to kids when their parents are too lenient or too strict. It gives advice on methods to use to raise kids who feel loved because their parents love them enough to give them guidance, rules, and limits (socially and in other areas as well). It's really helping my parenting already.

Check it out. I can't recommend it enough. Perhaps your daughter's mother will be open to reading it if you can suggest it in a way that doesn't threaten or undermine her as a parent.

Answer 5

She may have a lot of trouble making her way in the world. But you CAN do quite a lot in 2 1/2 days a week....you may be pleasantly surprised at how much your daughter remembers of what you teach her if you do it in a loving way.

Answer 6

She will more than likely have an inverted personality and it may be hard for her to make friends. Which may cause some self esteem issues as well.

I would suggest some summer camps or dance classes anything that gets her involved with other kids. pick her up and take her to these things... believe me it will help tremendously

good luck

Answer 7

boorish behaviour--somewhat likened to a red neck or hillbilly. Get on top of this now!!

Answer 8

can you say Charles Manson????????