Im 23 years old and my boyfirend of a year and i are talking about having a baby, we live together already, we own a condo. My boyfriend and I have good jobs and a combined income of about 85,000, with plenty of money saved in the bank, financially we are very stable. I have been thinking about it and despite how our parents would feel bc we are not married, I cant find another reason why not to. We both love eachother very much and see spending the rest of our lives together, and who knows if that will happen, but who ever knows, you can be married for 20 years and get divorced now a days. we love children and im ready and have been settled down. I just dont know if I should wait bc of what people may say and think. Please someone help! is it too young?
2006-06-19 07:27:43 · 21 answers · asked by britt 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, I could go on about this all day, but in effort to not offend anyone, I'll try to point out MY personal beliefs as to why this may be a poor idea.
- You're 23, how old is your BF? Assuming he's close to your age, I'd say you're still a bit too young. Have either of you gone to college? Obtained a degree? Have a "white-collar" profession? What are your plans for the future? I may be unrealistic, but I believe potential parents should wait until they're in their late 20's (27, 28, 29) to have children.
$85,000 a year sounds like a lot of money, but depending on where you live, and your accumulated debt, how well will you be able to cover your responsibilities when you've added a child? Are you planning for public or private education? Do you know what that costs?
Are you planning to work full-time or stay at home and raise the child? If stay at home, how will you make up the loss of income? If working, can you afford day-care and is that really fair to the child?
You say "you have been thinking about it" What about your BF? What's his opinion?
My biggest concerns are these:
- You're willing to commit to making a baby, but not to each other through a marriage? What does that tell you? Where is the commitment to each other?
- You've been together for ONE YEAR. Do you really believe that's sufficent time to know another person well? If you have a baby, what happens to the relationship between the two of you? Where will your priorities be? On him? The baby? You?
- You believe that because "We both love eachother very much and see spending the rest of our lives together" that it's a good reason to have a child, yet you also say "who knows if that will happen". What about the child? Why would you bring one into the world when the two of you cannot even commit to each other? "Love Will Keep Us Together" is only a song, not reality.
When it's all said and done, I think the two of you need to spend more time enjoying and learning about each other, because once you have a child, things WILL CHANGE. And these changes can have a profound effect on the relationship. The stress of it all can often lead to a break up.
Oh..and get married. If you can't show commitment to each other, then I'd have to question whether the two of you together would make good parents.
2006-06-19 08:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by chairman_of_the_bored_04 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The right time to have a baby, is not when you have all the money on the bank or are seeking approval from you parents. A baby requires time and love. The question is if you are ready to give up all your free time, stop thinking about yourself and love your child unconditionally, no regretting on waiting a little be more and enjoying your "single" life a little be longer. A baby is a great responsibility. I am 23 as well and feel I have a great life a head, but I feel, that when you have a child you need the maturity and responsibility that is still hard to have when you are so young. Think about all the things you want to do with your life, before having a child, after accomplishing most of your goals then think about having a child.
2006-06-19 07:42:50 · answer #2 · answered by Artemisa83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had my first daughter 20 days after turning 20 - and that was WAY too young, but I've mad it work. I think there are a few things you need to ask yourselves:
1. Is there anything else that you want to accomplish that will be a lot harder to do once having children, such as schooling?
2. Are you both financially stable enough seperately to be a single parent, if you HAD to be (split up or death)?
3. Is it something your BOTH excited about - or is one person kind of putting pressure on the other?
4. Don't worry about what other people think about your not being married, but whether it makes you feel secure bringing a child into the world outside of that contract, and whether you'll be fine with your child knowing you weren't.
I'm sure you've thought about most other things - but I don't think age should be the biggest deciding factor. It can actually be an upside. You'll be young parents, if nothing happens you can be very active with them, and you'll still be relatively active when your children are grown to enjoy your grandchildren or to enjoy the empty nest phase of your lives.
2006-06-19 07:40:44 · answer #3 · answered by liberalmama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being in a committed relationship for more than a year is important. A year is a relatively short time. I would wait awhile, for your sake, for your boyfriend's sake, and for the baby's sake. I know how it feels to have those pangs of wanting to a be a mother, but try to take comfort in the fact that you CAN have a baby, just later. It's not like if you don't hurry up and do it now, the option is gone forever. What does he think about all of this? Lastly, if you are concerned what others think, don't do it. You already have predicted what your parents will think, and who knows about everyone else. That needs to not bother you at all if you're truly ready. There will be tons of decisions you make as a parent that will be "against the grain" and if you're worried about their support now, wait until the kid's a teenager and your making the toughest mommy choices of your life.
If you do decide to try and conceive, I wish you the best and I wish your family a happy future together, because everyone deserves that.
2006-06-19 07:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by answer gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be a little too young. I had my first child at age 22 and I see now how immature I was. I was a better mother to my second child, whom I had when I was 29. Women in their late 20's and older are generally much better parents than younger women. Just look around when you're in the grocery store. Observe the mothers, young and older, and you'll see the trend I'm talking about. Also, if you're not willing to commit to marriage with this man why do you want to have a baby with him? Your income is subsantial right now. Would one of you be able to stay at home to take care of the baby or will your child be raised by a day care provider? Good luck with your decision. I hope i've given you somet things to think about.
2006-06-19 08:44:23 · answer #5 · answered by PDY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your boyfriend both think you are ready for the responsibility and you think you will be together fo the rest of your lives then you are ready. But if you don't know if you wanna be together forever you're not ready. Think of the baby. To have a good life the baby needs a mom and a dad. But it sounds like you wanna stay together and that you can support the baby so it sounds like you are ready. 23 is not too young.
2006-06-19 07:35:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you have to ask yahoo answers you aren't ready. Irregardless of age or financial stability the biggest factor should be you and how you feel in your heart. If you aren't ready the only person who will pay the price is the innocent child that never had a say as to whether they were born or not. If you truly want to be a mom and think you are ready for the responsibility, then will you already know the answer in your heart. Best of luck to you :)
2006-06-19 07:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will pretty much know when you are ready to have a baby. your 23? your not too young. you are financially stable an you both love each other and settled down then you have no problem what so ever you are ready so go ahead and have a baby! good luck!
2006-06-19 07:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-20 02:37:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, that's kinda tricky because of the speed at which things can deteriorate. I was in the same position with my GF of 5 yrs for a while. Things were so great for so long and we thought what the hell, and out of nowhere this past year all sorts of problems have popped up out of nowhere and we argue now when we never used to(likely because we were so young when we got together) so it's a tough descision because you don't want to rush but you can't waste your whole life waiting.. so really.. i don' tthink i actually answered your question at all. Sry.. Good Luck! If you end up having one get him in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes ASAP won't regret it =P
2006-06-19 07:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by stratocastinator 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋