Ever since I had my daughter(2 years) I have no urge or want to have sex with my fiancee, It really grosses my out quite frankly. And I feel it a waste of time. But it's not fair to him, and it's really putting a damper on our relationship. What do I do?
2006-06-19 07:27:35 · 14 answers · asked by tkay 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
First you need to identify why you feel this way. Sometimes after the birth of a child, your feelings towards your spouse can change, resulting in your feeling less attracted to him. For example, if you find being a mother and housewife stressful and aren't getting enough help from him, the stress can make you resentful towards him, which can make you less attracted.
Other times, it's more of a physical change: either his body is not what it used to be or yours is. I know that for the first 3-4 years after each of my children's birth, I was carrying around a little extra weight than I would have liked to. This lowered my confidence in my physical appearance, so I plunged myself into my role as a loving mother in order to forget about my reduced role as wife and lover. Having likewise sacrificed my career and most of my social interactions to be a full-time at-home Mom, I no longer saw myself as a vibrant, sexy person. Although being a Mom gave me reason to live, it did wreak havoc upon my relationship with my husband. This corrected itself to some extent when my children reached 4 years of age. Suddenly I had more time to myself, and I eagerly reclaimed my life by returning to work part-time, exercizing, and losing weight. Once I felt more attractive, I was more interested in sex. Or at least I would have been if my husband had started taking care of himself as well.
Even if you're happy with how you look and how he looks, it can't hurt for both of you to establish an exercize routine together. I would suggest taking up something you'll both enjoy and that will also help you firm up - such as weekly ballroom dancing classes plus bicycling. The dance classes will help you connect physically and mentally as a couple...WITHOUT the children tagging along. The bicycling, if you acquire the right equipment, will help you connect as a family. As soon as you start putting aside more time for yourself as a person and for both of you as a couple, you'll start feeling better. So don't scrimp on the babysitting money if you don't have family around who can help out. An eventual divorce due to the death of any feelings of intimacy towards each other is a LOT more expensive than the money you'll spend on babysitters and dance classes. You might invest a little money into some lingerie, incense, candles, and most importantly, a bottle of wine to help set the mood.
In the meantime, a therapist to help you sort out your "gross out" issues couldn't hurt.
Best of luck!
2006-06-19 07:47:19 · answer #1 · answered by magistra_linguae 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The condition is called frigidity.
There are medications for it.
I'm not sure why you find it gross, but if you are creative person you could use it as an outlet for your creativity. Really think about and work on making up new ways for the two of you to enjoy each other. If he is not helping around the house maybe you are just too tired. Take care of yourself and talk with your doctor.
Pure intimacy is not a waste of time. Openly talk with your mate about how you feel without pointing the finger at him. I would be devastated if my husband told me he thought it was gross to have sex with me. Be kind!!!
Read the book Five Love Languages it is really good.
Also you have to ask yourself, "When do I feel sexy?" If you don't, it could be the root of your problem. If you have a certain time of the day, situation or as simple as an outfit or getting your hair or nails done, go with that and build from there. Show him and tell him about it, if he affirms it, that will make you feel better about yourself. If he loves you he will work with you through this.
God bless you hun, Pray for God to bring you two closer together.
2006-06-19 07:40:17 · answer #2 · answered by HEATHER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your libido is bringing you down along with the stress of parenthood, not to mention your partner may feel like you are not into him anymore, men don't always seem to understand, I have heard that they have medication for women now, but quite frankly I would just talk with my doc and my fiance and let him no it's not him(if it's really not) and tell him you are going to talk to your doc and see what's going on. It's normal to lose interest in sex but it shouldn't gross you out, that's the only concern I see
2006-06-19 07:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by momie_2bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a topical cream that is supposed to help.
I say forget about sex. Have the boyfriend bring you flowers, hold your hand, be there to help with the baby and listen when you say something and just maybe some of the old urges will reignite!
2006-06-19 07:40:13 · answer #4 · answered by Ilsa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I' be honest. The same thing happened to me after i gave birth to my second son, and even a loving, thoughtful husband could not resist cheating after 2 years saying no to his advances. Men express their love physically, while we need nurturing first, so every time you say no, he feels as if you are negating his love. My husband cheated on me with a goldigger 'ho, and that shock was the only thing that made me come to my senses. I WAS DEPRESSED, so why don't you seek help? From a friend, your mom, therapist, physician... maybe you are depressed too and haven't realized yet. It's hard to feel wanted sometimes, but fight for yourself, and for your relationship, bur please, do something. You might not be as lucky as i was (we're still married). You can have a thyroid imbalance, too. This causes depression like symptoms. Good luck!
2006-06-19 07:38:35 · answer #5 · answered by ashley j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have sex when you don't want to, you may make negative feelings associated with sex and never get a healthy sex life again. I think you are best off not having any sex until you want to, you have issues you need to sort out first. You should also look at your relationship if it is in a bad state.
2006-06-19 07:37:28 · answer #6 · answered by Levit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if u plan on staying with your fiancee then u better not quit giving it up to him. If you do then you wont have to worry about him wanting sex cause he wont be around....or u could tell him that and just let him sleep with whoever he wants maybe a threesome would get ure sex drive back up, try something kinky or some roleplaying
2006-06-19 07:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to think of yourself as a mother when you're having sex. Many men, after they give birth begin to identify themselves as mothers. If their idea of a mother is not someone who should be a sexual person, they become less sexual. Have a few drinks, loosen up and remember you're a vibrant sexual beast! Good luck.
2006-06-19 07:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by 1opinion 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try some sex toys, they have so many things that can spice things up in the bedroom, they have sex toy parties also, kind of like tupper ware parties.
Go to www.passionparties.com
2006-06-19 09:22:15 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Homeopathy :-
Your conditions call for SEPIA 30C thrice a day half hour before or after meals and you will be fine in a few days !
Read about this remedy before you take it :-
http://homeoint.org/books/boericmm/s/sep.htm
Take care and God Bless !
2006-06-22 08:27:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋