Should I invite both of my parents to my wedding?

Question

My parents have been divorced for over 28 years. Im getting married in two weeks. I have sent out all of my invitations out exept for theirs. I cannot decide whether I should invite them both or if only to invite one. They seem to hate each other and cannot stand being in the same room. The level of resentment among them is very high. They had a horrible marriage.Im afraid that they will start something and ruin my day. I have tried talking to both of them individually but each thinks that I am siding with the other. Each has remarried and their current spouses are civil human beings. What should I do? They wont listen and "cant promise me anything" I feel selfish that I am not wanting to invite them. I also dont want to reate the wrong impression with my in-laws. They are very nice traditional people. Am I being selfish, should I risk it? Isnt this something they should have settled years ago? Why do I have to pay for their mistakes?

Answer 1

YES ... and pay them all equal attention

Answer 2

Invite both of them! The same thing happened to me and agonized about my decision for months. My parents had a bad marriage and a horrible divorce over 20 years ago. They have both since remarried but I did not want either my dad or my mother to feel excluded, so there was no way that I could invite one and not the other. Also, what helped me was talking to my stepmother and stepfather. I called my parent's spouses privately and explained my concerns. Both my stepmother and stepfather were very understanding of the situation and they helped keep my parents in line at my wedding. Your wedding day is supposed to be about you...your parents are grown ups after all and we do have to give them more credit sometimes for acting thus than we think they deserve. Now that my wedding is over, I would not exchange the few akward moments (and there were very few on my wedding day) for either of my parents hurt feelings that they weren't invited. Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow, what a tough one! I would invite both-and enlist the help of some close friends-ones that aren't involved in the wedding (no bridesmaids, maybe friends of the family?). They could act as "body guards" for your parents-to keep them away from each other and to politely escort them out if they become hostile toward each other. This is YOUR big day; not a chance for them to rehash thier hatred for each other. Also-remember it's not about the wedding-it's the marriage that is important so hopefully you've learned from their mistakes, got some good counsel before walking down the aisle, and remember to serve your spouse!!!

Answer 4

You really should invite both, after all they are your parents. Just lay down the law when you invite them. Tell them that if that cant control them selves then they dont need to come. We are having the same problem with my fiance parents.
We told them that if they cant be adults and put their problems behind them for one day, then they didnt need to come.
It is your day, but your parents should be included. If one says that they cant promise anything and the other says that they can handle being there just for you, then invite the one willing to be there for you. Make them understand that you want them both there but you dont want any fighting.
If you dont invite either one you may end up regreting it later, when they are gone. Your parents deserve the right to get to see you get married. But leave it up to them if they come. If they wanna fight with the other parent then they dont come. Or just pick which ever one you are closer to and invite that parent.
There is really no right or wrong answer to this problem. You really just have to do what is in your heart. Talk to your parents, dont let them do the talking.

Answer 5

I would invite them both but seat them at opposite sides of the room. Make it clear that you expect NO SCENES and that if they can't do that they shouldn't come. All the weddings I've been to where they were worried about divorced parents, it turned out just fine.

Answer 6

You don't have to pay for their mistakes. If you want to invite them, talk to them both. You are an adult now so you are allowed to do the following. Don't allow them to interrupt. Yell if you have to. Tell them in no uncertain terms, emotions baring and all, that if they cannot be civil on your special day then you don't want them to come. Tell them the other is coming and if they can't handle that like mature adults then you don't want them there. This is the start of your marriage and there is no reason they have to drag the failure of theirs into it. There are no promises to be made. The only options they have is to be civil or to not show up at all. If they are so wrapped up in themselves they can't give their daughter, which like it or not, they both created and helped make her who she is today, then you dont' want them there. If they get mad, forget it. Of course you will need to do them the courtesy of not forcing them into situations wherein they might incur a conflict. Sit them in seperate pews or rows. Put them on opposite sides of the room at the reception. I chose not to invite my dad. In fact I didn't even tell him I was getting married until after the fact in case he decided to show up. I knew he would create tension among my family and my fiance. He always does. So I didn't tell him.

You aren't being selfish that you don't want anything to interfere with your wedding. That is your perogative. Your parents need to grow up. You've managed to. So can they.

Answer 7

you do not could - in case you're procuring the marriage and/or do no longer have an exceedingly close courting with one (or both) gadgets of human beings, there are different strategies you may be conscious the invites. except they are throwing the celebration, or you're having extremely-formal invites, it really is completely ok. i imagine we positioned some thing like "which contain their mothers and fathers..." somewhat of itemizing their names. Google for wedding ceremony invitation wording to ascertain better ideas.

Answer 8

I would say to BOTH of them, "Listen, UNLESS you promise me that you won't start something with mom/dad, I will NOT allow you at my wedding. And don't think I'm picking sides because I said the same thing to (mom/dad). I'm seating you at opposite sides of the church/reception so there is no reason for you to even talk to each other."

If either refuses to behave, just hold your ground and tell them they won't be welcome.

It's not selfish to not invite them, it is TOTALLY REASONABLE! Your wedding is not about your parents.

You'll have to explain the situation to your in-laws eventually since now THEY'RE your family, and I can't imagine they would judge you for it at all.

Answer 9

Invite both of them, but include a personal note explaining that both of them have been invited, because this day is about you and your new life, not theirs. Inform them that if they cannot simply ignore one another and not cause conflict, they are not welcome and will be removed. They've been divorced so long that it's just plain immature to still be acting this way.

Answer 10

You can't pick one. Give them a choice, tell them they can behave on your big day, or neither of them come at all. And make sure they know your serious. But you will cause trouble, if you only pick one, and you will be the bad guy.My parents are exactly the same, and I'm sick of sitting between them on the likes of Communions etc. So when it was my 21st, I warned them to behave or not to bother showing up because it was my night, and there was no way i was letting them make it about them. There wasn't a peep out of them all night.

Answer 11

They both play an important role in the wedding. You need the mother-of-the-bride and the father to escort you down the aisle.

I'd say it is very important to invite the father if so because if you were to substitute him, you kinda have that strange feeling of someone not blood-related to escort you down the aisle. So convince your father to come to the wedding, he's very important.