Currently engaged to the love of my life, but we can't have sex.?

Question

For the past year or so she's had a kind of rip in the lining of her vagina. We've been trying everything to fix it, doctors, treatments, everything, but it's not going away. We used to enjoy sex very, very much before this happened. Both of us have only been with each other. The big problem is because of things being messed up with her we hardly ever have sex, or even non-intercourse play. I'm an extremely sexual man and I'm starting to get frustrated and feel neglected. I feel horrible because I know it's not her fault at all and she's probably suffering just as much as me. Am I just being selfish? Even with how things are I love her deeply and would never think of leaving her, she's the other half of my soul. By I miss sex with her so bad and it's been so long since we've had a healthy love life my hormones are about to kill me! Anyone have any real, constructive advice? Input from a female perspective would be appreciated.

Answer 1

The first thing, as a female...she's probably incredibly insecure about his, even though it's not her fault. No doubt she misses a healthy sex life, but because you are so important to one another, she's probably feeling a little scared that this is going to ruin one of the greatest things in her life. So while it's important, you have to make sure she knows that it's not AS important as the relationship the two of you have. And don't just say it once, remind her. We girls like to be reassured, because doubt tends to get the better of us. And don't just say it, make sure your actions support what you say. Once she's feeling better about herself, explore a temporary non-vaginal-intercourse alternative to abstinence - by talking about it together, being positive and enthusiastic, and by experimenting, which can be loads of fun for a change of pace. Don't make it about the problem, make it about how fun it can be finding a solution. You may even find that it makes your sex life better in the long-term by having variety there.

Answer 2

First of all, you could consider making a mutual decision to wait until after the wedding. That could help take the emphasis off the medical problem and put the emphasis on your marriage. It will make that marriage day that much more special and give your fiance some additional time to heal.

It's great to hear how great your relationship is. That is only going to get better with marriage and taking the sexual pressure off her right now could actually help her heal. She wouldn't feel pressured to do things before she is really ready. Every time you try something before she's healed could only be making the problem worse and put off that healing that much longer.

Take a cold shower, go into the bathroom with a magazine, do what you have to do to put your mind at ease. Then focus on spending some time with your special lady without sex on the brain. I think you'll find that in the long run that will make your relationship stronger and once you get the green light from the doctor the sex will be even better.

I wish you a beautiful wedding and a long and happy marriage.

Answer 3

Sex is a normal, healthy part of any loving relationship. You need to first support her through her struggles because for as frustrating as it is for you, it is probably just the same for her. You need to talk to her and let her know how you feel regarding the sex, and hopefully she will do the same. Sex is a lot more than just vaginal intercourse as well. There are numerous other things you can do to each other for sexual pleasure and with which to share your love and intimacy for each other. If you both aren't requiring the same sexual needs, tell her what you want, that you love her and part of that is sex of some sort. Hopefully you can reach a compromise then, but the main thing is to talk and communicate with each other because you both cannot read each others minds.

Answer 4

I don't think that you are wrong in feeling frustrated. Maybe an option is seeking the advice of a specialist in helping to heal her problem. I'm sure that your girlfriend feels badly that she cannot satify you, maybe you could engage in some oral sex. Hopefully she would be willing to do it so you can get a release. Have a lot of intimacy, cuddling and just closeness in general. You seem to be a very loving man, a lot of men would stray or just leave in this situation. I would demand a second or even a third opinion if necessary to fix this problem. A year is an awful long time to be suffering with something like this. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

therehas to be other non-intercourse ways for both of ou to express yoruselves. Try a few. Also just talk to her and see how she is doing emotionaly and physically. Let he know that you truley care and want to try some things. She may be feeling a little down herself. Just be there things will get better.

Remeber the saying

" You have to go through the flood before you can enjoy the sunshine!"

Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 6

poor girl =/

Maybe she is afraid of having of having sexual contact with you because of what happend (i'm guessing that's how she got hurt?). You should be gentle with her, make her see that it's okay and that she can still enjoy sexual contact with you. I know you aren't going to leave her but if that was me I would be a little worried of my guy leaving me over it. Maybe she just needs to be reassured? You could make her a nice dinner and let her know how you feel about her and that you'll stick with her no matter what. Good luck!

Answer 7

what you can do is have non sexual fun for a while take her out on a romantic dinner she will remember about your fun in the bed and will want to have as much fun as possible if that doesnt work in your house just start making out with her is spontinuity and girls like that gradually go further and further

Answer 8

Try more doctors, better doctors, vaseline .... I dont know...
If that doesnt work out, if she is really other half of your soul, then be fair and if she cant have sex, you also dont.I mean, I think real love can stand without sex.Right ?

Answer 9

you sound like the guy every girl dreams about trust me she feels the same if not wirse about her condition please don't ever leave her sex is not whats important in a love so strong but I understand your sex drive but don't let it get in the way have you talked to her about this i AM A YOUNG FEMALE KINDA GOING THROIUGH THE SAME thing so I really understand have you ever thought about going oral that will not hurt her and then you can still get yours!!!!

Answer 10

there are ways to satisfy each other without old fashioned intercourse.
You could masturbate each other with your hands, try oral sex, etc. watch dirty movies and give erotic massages. Play some. Think outside the box.