My daughter has a very good friend she made at her new school. They are both almost 12. On Memorial day weekend, we invited her parents who we met in passing in the past but do not really know to come visit while the girls swam in the pool. We had other company as well.
Since then, the parents of the other girl, who are from India will not let their daughter come over now because "we are irresponsible" because they saw us drinking wine and they now don't trust us with their daughter.
My daughter heard this from her friend and is very upset. Should I say something to the parents? Sever the friendship between the girls? They still allow my daughter over to their house? All of a sudden the mother is not very kind to her now.
2006-06-19 06:26:40 · 5 answers · asked by KathyS 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
That should say that the parents do still let my daughter come over since then but the mother is making my daughter feel unwelcome.
2006-06-19 06:27:38 · update #1
There was no disagreement. The parents said nothing to me but they apparently told their daughter that was the reason and in turn, she told my daughter. I cannot bring myself to apologize for a cultural differance.
2006-06-19 07:41:29 · update #2
If your daughter dosent want to go over to their house, dont force her, but if she still does then allow her too, show that you're a bigger person than the couple that wont let their daughter go over to your house. Also, continue to extend invitations to them to events, it might seem like a strange tactic, but maybe they'll see that you really do want to be friendly, if only for your daughters' sakes. Also, try to explain to your daughter about cultural differences and why they dont like what you were doing, regardless of if it was responsable or not (i say parents drinking wine is perfectly fine). Best of luck
2006-06-19 06:32:22 · answer #1 · answered by Tulip 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness... if we could all be as perfect as they are the world would be a safer place. Whatever... if drinking wine makes someone a bad parent then I would've been locked away a LOOONG time ago!
It would not be fair to the girls to force them to sever their friendship, but if the other girl's parents are being unkind to your daughter I would not allow her to go to their house either. The only thing I can think to do is call the parents and address the issue. Apologize if there was something that offended them and ask if there is a way to resolve the issue so that the girls can remain friends. It's not fair for the kids to lose friends because the parents can't get past a minor disagreement.
2006-06-19 14:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by browneyedgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how awful for your daughter. That cannot feel good. And all you were trying to do was be friendly. Well, I think at this point you should just tell your daughter that this is not her fault, or her friend's fault. Tell her you love her, and that you are sorry that this happened. Explain to her that everyone has different values, and that you inadvertently trounced on theirs. That is all you can do. She is going to be hurt, but she will live through it. Then you stay out of it.(You might want to appologize to the other family for offending them--realizing that it will change nothing. But it would be polite.) They will either stay friends or drift apart on their own. That is the hard part. Next time, learn a bit about the culture of your kids friends first--that will save all of you some heartache. There is no bad guy in this situation. Just cultural differences. I'll bet her friend is just as upset.
2006-06-19 13:57:44 · answer #3 · answered by Waferette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to her parents. Explain to them that just because you had a little wine doesn't mean you are an irresponsible person or parent. It was a special occasion, so you had some wine...so what? What that girl's parents need to understand is that just because someone has a glass of wine, doesn't mean they are an alcoholic. I could see where they were coming from if you were standing there drinking beer after beer, but you weren't. It was just wine. Try talking to her parents. As for your daughter, if she is very upset about this then you should explain to her that some people are just quick to judge and they are the ones that are at fault--not her.
2006-06-19 13:37:02 · answer #4 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your daughter, let her know the situation and make sure she understands it clearly. Then let her decide how she wants to proceed. It's her friend. And u'll teach her a lot about selecting and maintaining friendships this way.
2006-06-19 13:33:13 · answer #5 · answered by letmesurpriseu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋