Why is my mother-in-law jealous of me? She tries to compete with me for my husband’s attention?

Question

If I kiss him, she tries to stroke his hair or massage his back. If he is hugging me, then she will come by and kiss him on the forehead and say “I love you.” My husband has noticed it too, I think she has issues with her son paying attention to me more than her.

Also she has hated me since the day my husband met me. She is not married, doesn’t really have friends or hobbies, and has only one child (my husband). She acts like I am some mistress that stole her husband. It’s not our fault she relied on my husband for her emotional needs, that is her fault for becoming dependent on her child.

Why can’t she be happy that her son found another woman he loves more and puts first before anyone else in his life? She seems to think her feelings and needs should come before mine, she acts like my husband should be loyal to HER and not me. Why can't she be proud of her son he is a loving husband instead of thinking about her own loss of her source of companionship?

Answer 1

I have mother-in-law issues very similar to yours, yet that go way deeper and even get violent. My only suggestion is to (and I know this is EXTREMELY hard) try to ignore the bad and include her in some of your outing or family things that you and your husband do together. She probably feels like she is losing her son and doesn't know how to react. Try to show her that instead of losing a son, she is gaining a daughter. Be helpful and nice for the sake of your husband. If after trying ths for awhile and it still doesn't work, have your husband talk to his mom. If all else fails, cut back on the time you spend together. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you perfectly answered your own question in your second paragraph when you stated:

"She is not married, doesn’t really have friends or hobbies, and has only one child (my husband). She acts like I am some mistress that stole her husband. It’s not our fault she relied on my husband for her emotional needs, that is her fault for becoming dependent on her child. "

Obviously her son is her whole life and she has nothing and no one else. You are completely correct when you say she relied on her son for her emotional needs and she is completely dependant on him. I'm not sure there is anything you can do to change her behavior, because she has obviously been dependant on him for a very long time. The only person who can talk some since into her is your husband, her son. He needs to be the one to explain to her that he loves her and she will always be his mother and no one can take that away, but he is married now and he loves you, his wife, and nothing will change that either. He needs to explain to her that her behavior is unacceptable and has to stop. He is the only one who can possibly help this situation because she will clearly not want to hear anything you have to say. Make sure that your husband talks to her and tells her how HE feels and not how you feel, or she will think you put him up to it. Good luck!

Answer 3

Seems to me you have a pretty good idea of why. She obviously devoted her life to your husband and expects the same in return from him. Because he was the main focus in her life she is tied to him in more ways than just a mother son relationship. He was the main man in her life and her best friend as well. How can she help but feel like you stole all that away. You and your husband need to focus on getting her active in the real world. She needs to find a way to socialize with other people and make friends. Until she does she will always be competing with you for your husbands attention because that is all she has in her life.

Answer 4

I feel like I am reading something about my mother in law!!! I sooooo feel your pain. Fortuantely for me, she lives 10 hours from me. My situation got so bad that I called our priest to speak with him about how competive she is with me. She, too, is not married, has very few friends and no hobbies except meddling in her sons' lives. (She has 3 sons). She feels desserted. And when she does act like an idiot or competitve with you, she doesn't have a "counter" part to tell her she's acting that way. If there is any chance that you could relocate for one of your jobs, I would say do it - especially if you are planning on having kids. I know this sounds heartless and mean, but you deserve your own time and space. I used to think my mthr in law wanted my husband and I to split up so she could have him to herself. If we didn't live far away from her, I don't think we would still be together. She's that much of an A$$. Anyhow, hang in there.

Answer 5

I am only guessing but I am assuming you have no children or they are so young that you have not had to deal with one leaving your home. It is one of the most heartbreaking things that you have to do. As a mom, we love worry, and devote our time to our babies. We are their greatest fans, comforters, nurses, and best friends for most of their lives and then one day.......they are grown up and have a life of their own. Your husband should be loyal to her and also to you. Look at what she has done for him........he is the man he is today because of her love and teachings. You get him twenty four hours a day and she comes and visits how often.....................
Instead of complaining why not have your husband make a date with her every Saturday for breakfast or lunch. The two of them can have time alone and that may just alleviate some of her lonliness.

Answer 6

You're in a tough situation! I'd recommend just taking the high road. It's pretty obvious that the problem is with your mother-in-law. You can't change her behavior and to confront her on it will just make her negative feelings toward you even stronger. As long as your husband sees his mother's behavior for what it is (irrational jealous fueled by insecurity) you'll weather it out.

Answer 7

She's been watching too much "Everybody Loves Raymond".

He is all she has and she's afraid to lose him. Talk to your husband about it. Does your MIL have access to a senior center where she could meet others and socialize (maybe even find a male companion)? Would your husband and MIL be receptive to going to family counseling to help her let him go while also helping you and hubby set boundaries without pushing her away?

Answer 8

The mother thinks that you are taking him away from her. He may be her only child, that would make her hang on to him. She probably doesn't want to be alone. You need to talk to her, with your husband. Otherwise, it will be like this the rest of your life.

Answer 9

I really know what you are saying here. We have issues with both sides of our families. Both sides blame my hubby or I, for lack of time with their son, or me. We ended up moving 500 miles away from everyone we know, just to get away and be able to have just our little family.
Family members just take a long time to accept their son/daughter in law. I think in my case, there will always be jelousy..we just learned to accept it. Your hubby comes first, not his mom. If you keep having problems, you may need to separate from her. It really helps..trust me. Hubby and I's relationship is so much better with noone inbetween us.

Good luck, Kayla

Answer 10

i know what u mean girl!!!!!!!! first of all ur mil is not jealous she is just trying to proved to u that she is the MOM and as a wife u have to tell ur husband that u are aware of the situation and probably the best thing is to not show ur mil that ur affected by it bec. she will just used that to make u be the bad one and do not stress so much about it the most impt. is that ur husband sees that ur not trying to control the situation cause it is a never ending battle trust me......... or else it will just boil down to ur husband on which side he will be try not to show ur mil ur affection to ur husband so she will not competewith uand just ignore her or ull just end up the loser...................