Question For Grandparents..Im a first time mother and Inlaws want to feed my three mo. old solids..?

Question

I'm not sure what to do about my inlaws. They raised seven kids and have a lot of experience with babies under their belt. They tell me all the kids were eating solids by a mo. old. Im a bit worried though because as a first time mother..im listening to a lot of what the doctors are saying. Although I say my baby shouldn't have anything but formula til about 4 mo. They are feeding him baby food and eggs...etc. And casually telling me but not asking me first. I feel like if I disagree with them I will be just another disapointing inlaw they talk about all the time. My Husband is very close to his family and is the baby..His niece was also raised by his parents and by the time she was getting her teeth in they were all rotting. I feel like I don't have much control..Am I being a typical first timer and freaking out too much? Please help.

Answer 1

Listen to your doctor and your parenting books, not your parents or inlaws. A lot of things have changed since your parents were raising children. Doctors know a lot more about kids, and, more importantly, KIDS HAVE CHANGED.

I'm particularly concerned about your in-laws feeding your baby eggs, which are a common allergen. For whatever reason (many experts blame the germ-free antiseptic modern living) allergies are on the rise and are far, far more common than they were when you were raised. Most experts agree that babies should not be exposed to common allergens like eggs, nuts, etc. until much older (milk for baby formula a common exception here, although I know many babies who've had problems that went away when cow milk was removed from the diet).

Good luck.

Answer 2

No, you're not freaking out too much. A 3-month old baby does just fine with formula alone. If you don't stand up for what you think now...you'll never feel good about your in-law relationship. Tell your in-laws that you know they mean well but today physicians have a different view than when they raised their children. With all the obesity problems (and type II diabetes being found in young children) your doctor does NOT want babies eating food too early. It's hard on their digestive system. Also, giving children too many sweets in their early years rots their teeth and makes them hyper. Be sweet, but firm. They raised their children - now it's your turn to raise yours! Good Luck!

Answer 3

No, your are not freaking out too much. I've raised 6 children and I NEVER gave any of them eggs until after they were a year old. I was told that egg yolks are fine to give an older infant...they used to come in baby food jars, but the whites are what infants can have allergic reactions to. You go on and do whatever your pediatrician and mothers instincts tell you to do. Trust yourself. You, your husband and your child are a family now. Us grandparents are great for giving advice, but some have to learn to WAIT to be asked!! If they're the kind of people to talk about you behind your back then they will find something, no matter what you do, but your child is YOUR child. They've raised theirs, they need to give you enough respect to raise your child yourself. I hope your husband is with you on this! Lots of luck!

Answer 4

Ok i'm not a grandparent, i'm a mother of 2 and i think that you have a right to be freaking out. i think you need to stand up to them and tell them you are following your doctors orders. Babies shouldn't have eggs till atleast 2. They may have done stuff like that with their kids but this is YOUR baby and times have changed. Doctors know a lot more now then they did then. You are taking a risk in that they could give your baby something that causes an allergic reaction. Or rot the babies teeth like you said. Tell them how you feel and stand tough. Hopefully they respect you enough to honor your wishes.

Answer 5

Listen to your own parenting insticts. Tell them very politly how and why you want things to be done. Things have changed and have changed for a reason, Doctors have seen an increase in children with food allergies, intestinal issues, and obesity and have linked all these with eating solids too young. Not to mention your child is probably really to young to eat from a spoon and giving solids through a bottle or infa feeder is a choking hazard. I had a similar issue with my mother-in-law and after a long heart to heart we agreed to disagree but since I am the mother she'd do what I wanted.

Answer 6

Be firm, even if it is hard. Your baby is your responsibility, not anyone elses. Feeding solid food too soon can cause allergies. Gently but firmly tell them that you are going to do what you feel is best for your baby. If they love and respect you, they will honor your decision, if they don't, then don't leave the baby with them. If they talk about the other in-law children, they will talk about you anyway, so don't let that bother you. The baby is what is important.

Answer 7

I would talk with your husband about this matter. It will be a problem in the future. They way they were raised isn't the same . Just let them know that they are grandparents and not the one who gave birth to them. Your husband should be on your side. He is married to you and not the his parents. The in laws should not interfer with you and your family. And as for as if they upset. They should respect your feelings of being the mother. Mother has there own instinct of there baby.

Answer 8

I'm a grandmother and I also believe in different ways to feed your children, but even though I didn't raise my children by a Dr's book and they came out just fine, I would never go against my daughter-in-laws wishes about feeding her child (my grandchild) regular food or when to do it. She's the parent now and it's her decision. If this is your first child, they should do as you ask and go along with whatever you say, even if they don't agree with you. As long as your not hurting your child, you know how you want to raise him/her. Maybe later after you have another child or so, you'll feel different about when to start feeding him/her regular food or regular milk. Explain your feelings to them and tell them to please respect your wishes on this issue. Also see if your husband/ wife will speak to them with you. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Feeding solids was thought to be the best thing a while ago when formulas weren't so good. If you are breastfeeding, you do not need to give the infant anything but breast milk until he/she is a year old. If the child is on formula, they do not need any solid foods until they are six months old and then only a bit of rice cereal.

Answer 10

You do have a difficult situation. You are the responsible adult in your child's life. Why is your child with these people without your presence? Are you depending on them for child care? This would add to your problems. Clearly they do not respect your parental authority, and have assumed that they have the right to do as they please, thinking that experience equals knowledge. Experience is not equal to current or most correct knowledge.

A little distance, and more supervision and control of your child on your part, will almost certainly be required to work through this.

Be aware though that fads in recommendations for child care come and go, and kids still develop.

It is up to you how much energy you put into this issue.

Some people seem to equate extreme early activities with some sort of competitive accomplishment, or some pecquliar sort of bragging rights about "how developed" or "mature" the children in their family are. This is distorted thinking. For some it appears as early "walking" before the childs bones are strong enough, and trying to eliminate crawling, even going so far as to constantly place the child in a "walker". These behaviours have been shown to negatively affect the proper and beneficial motor and psychological development of an infant. Crawling is a very important step in the infants development.

Others try to force or rush "potty training", this can have numerous negative effects, from the effects that Freud labeled Anal Retentive and Anal expulsive personality disorders, to actually training the parent, more than the child. At the very least, it places far too much energy and attention on a development that would have occured with much greater ease had one waited for the appropriate time in the childs development.

Just be aware, you may have these kinds of competitive issues to deal with in your future parenting while associated with these people. The sooner you develop your coping strategy and support system, the better for you and your child.
The one issue that I see that is worthy of great effort is the neglect of dental health.

Trying to make babies eat "solids" so early is not likely to be a very good or helpful thing, nor is it likely to be terribly harmful, so long as they are not training your childs tastebuds to like sweets and less nutritious foods. Do keep in mind that the solids do displace the more nutrient dense substance that such a young one needs - mother's milk or if necessary, formula. Also, feeding a child many foods early in life is thought to set them up for developing allergies. Milk, eggs, wheat, barley and oats are very common allergens, there are many more.

You also seem to have a problem with your husband being the baby in his family and being as you put it, "very close" to his family. He may not be any help to you in the necessary job of creation of desirable boundaries, and appropriate respect given to your role in your child's life. If you have a therapist, school counselor or community counselor available you might want to make contact, you may need the support now, and more as time goes on.

Whether you choose to intervene regarding the feeding of "solids" of any kind is really about the navigation of the relationship issues.

However, you owe it to your child to intervene in the choice of foods given to your child, and in requiring that your childs mouth/ gums/ and teeth be thoroughly cleaned after any feeding.