my 9 yr. old son!!?

Question

my son is 9 and we live in upstate NY (in the city) there reallisnt alot for him to do and it seems like he keeps getting arond the wrong kids. his father lives in Arizonia and he wants him to move there i reallywant him to get away from here but i dont want my son to be so far awany from me at the same time i could really use some positive feed back from anyone who had to deal with their child living so far away from them im really confused about what i should so this is my only son i have 2 daughters but at the same time i am scared that he will end up in touble if he stays here.PLEASE HELP!!

Answer 1

I old have a hard time letting my son live so have away, but sometimes as a parent we have to put our own needs and fears aside to do whats best for our children. first unless you can move out of the City and into a place that has less crime, you Probably should let your son go with his dad. if at 9 years old he is already starting to hang out with the wrong people, chances are that it will only get worse. My niece lived with me for 3 years from the tome she was 6 months to about 3 1/2, I was trying to adopt her but they ended up giving her to her dad I live him California and they live in Idaho. I about died! she was my daughter, but they bring her to me in the summer and we get to see each other at Christmas, its hard but shes happy. You'll be okay because in your heart you know it's whats best for in. oh and maybe you should let him go first for like the Summer just as like a testier!!

Answer 2

As the parent of a 10 year old who lives with his mother, I can honestly say I understand. You have to ask both yourself and him the following questions.
1. What does he like to do?
2. What can he do at his fathers that he cannot do at your house?
3. Can you move closer to his fathers?
4. What would be the best for your son "in the long run"?
5. If moving is not the answer, what activities could you involve both you and your son that might bridge any gaps that you may have between the two of you.
I do not pretend to know your entire situation (because Im reading so little about you) but please check all of your options before you make any rash decisions.

Answer 3

If he's getting mixed in with the wrong crowd, it would be best to get him away from all that. I live in MI right now, and my oldest son is living in PA. He wasn't happy here, got into alot of trouble, so he's living in PA with my step mom. It was really hard at first, and I felt like a bad mom because I couldn't make him happy. But now I know I made the right decision because he's happier than he's been in a long time, and well taken care of. I send him money every time I get paid so he has some spending money (which he's actually saving right now...he's 7, and at that age they usually find something they always want lol) and I call him twice a day. I switched my phone plan to unlimited long distance cause it was getting expensive calling him all the time. I bought a web cam so he can see us when I talk to my step mom on the phone, and she did the same. We're still really close and we still see him quite a bit. I'm taking our other son there to visit him next week. I had to decide what would be best for him, it was a hard decision, but turned out for the best. So go with your instincts. If you think he'd be happier and in less trouble with his father, go for it. You're always going to be his mom no matter what, and you'll find your own ways to stay in touch with him, and what works for you to see him. Good luck.

Answer 4

wow im also from upstate NY. but i live in a small town and i have one 2 and a half yr old daughter. i live in a apartment complex and there are a couple of slides here for the kids to play on, i don't let my daughter outside without me yet, but i take her for long walks and sometimes take her to a school playground to play on, and now that is almost summer time, we will be going swimming alot! I hate the cities, cuz of all the gangs and crimes, so i don't know what to tell you to do! maybe get your son involved in some kind of sport or excersizeing activity! I know if i lived in a city i would be to scared to go for walks and let my daughter play outside!

Answer 5

I've had a similiar experience. My son, a couple of months ago when he was 3, was playing soccer with some older boys (about 6 or 7). I was watching them and everytime the he would go to kick the ball, one of the older boys would pick up the ball and move it away from him. After this occured about 3 times, my son ran after him and tackled him, got up and kicked the ball. The older boy kind of pouted and walked away. I immediately went and got my son and pulled him away and told him that wasn't what he should have done, that we shouldn't tackle people, but told him how proud I was at the way he played soccer with the other boys. However, a large part of me was very proud that he did stand up for himself. Trying to be a "good" father, I really had no idea how to act or what to do.

Answer 6

I can not say I know how you feel because I have my daughter with me. I also do not live in or near a big city. I live in Texas about 1 hour north of Austin. That would be the closest city to us. I am a single mother and right now my daughter is still in daycare, so she is not old enough for me to wrry about her friends just yet. Lucky me!

However, watching my friends move to larger towns and cities and their children being much older than mine - this is what I can tell you. You really have three choices in this matter -

Let your son move to live with his father - if this is what your son wants - but do not force him because he will end up resenting you in the long run - even if it means you did what you though was right for him.

Find alternative things to keep your son entertained and out of trouble. Something like the YMCA or Boys and Girls Club - get him involved in helping out in the community, maybe he can volunteer to help children younger than him, kinda like a big brother thing.... A kid who is only 5 would look up to a 9 yo.

Or - last but not least - maybe you need to look for another place to live if you dont want to let your son move away from you. Find a smaller town, cheaper cost of living, and less temptation for trouble for the kids.... Yes I realize this would probably mean less income where your job would be concerned, but if it means the health welfare and saftey of your child, wouldnt that alone be worth it?

Good luck in finding the right decision for you. This is not anythign we can really help with, we can only provide the options we see, the ulitimate decision is yours.... Sit down, think long and hard about EVERYTHING. Weigh all the pro's and con's (write them down and let the kids be involved in it).... let the kids think it is a game if you dont want them to know why you are doing this.... maybe moving closer to your sons father is another option for you to consider.

Answer 7

You have to think of the child first. What would be best for him? It sounds like you know that the move would be the best thing. Please don't be selfish and keep him from going. Just think of how you will feel if he stays with you and becomes a juvenile delinquent.
Maybe you and your ex. can agree on a plan where you can visit or meet at a halfway point. You can email and call frequently too. Maybe you might be able to move closer.

Answer 8

Why don't you talk to your sons father about being seperated from his child. I am sure he could tell you what it is like to be living far away from your son. That makes sense to me, since he knows actualy specifics about your child and what it is like. Sometimes the hardest choices are the best choices.

Answer 9

I can't begin to understand how you are feeling, but, is there any way you can all move to or closer to his father? It would be a solution that would make everyone happy. I know it would be hard to up and leave where you are, but wouldn't it be worth it to save your son!?

Answer 10

Why don't you move out of the city into a suburb. It'll be so much easier for him, and if you have a job in the city, don't move far, just into a suburb.