my ex rarely calls our 4 year old..i would like some advice from others in this situation.?

Question

I am at my wits end with this and need some advice..I have been divorced from my ex for awhile now and he has pretty much just kept minimal contact with our son. He was in Iraq for a year and came home in Jan.since then i think he has called maybe a total of ten times, and has seen him once.I am remarried to a wonderful man, and my son calls him daddy as this is the only daddy he has pretty much know. We recently had a medical scare and they thought my son had a nonfunction heart murmur, but everything is ok..his father didnt even bother to call during this time to see how he was doing or anything, in fact my sons birthday came and went, and no phone call..my ex is supposed to call every sunday, but we are luck to hear from him once a month..no phone call even on father's day..i have talked to him about this and he says it is too hard on him to call our son, knowing he cant see him..i alway say positive things to my son about his father, but am fed up with him..what should i do??

to answer some of the questions, no we did not go through a nasty divorce nor was i a *****, in fact i let him see his when we first separated whenever he wanted until i found out he was getting drunk every time he had him, then he met the woman he is married to now, and had more time for her than he did his own son, then he showed up stinking a@@ drunk to his 2nd birthday, so jnrockwall, i believe my son has every right to call my husband daddy, and if the roles were reversed and i did what my ex was doing, than it would be my fault he would be calling someone else mommy, and surprise surprise he has a daughter from another marriage he does the same thing to..and he came back from iraq just fine, fine enough to spend time with his new wife and kids, but i guess not fine enough to spend time with his other kids..sorry i sound so defensive, but i am tired of people thinking i did something, to make him not come around

Answer 1

Sadly, you can't make him be a man and a father. It has to be his choice, kids know when affection is fake. Better off finding another male role model.

Answer 2

Well, was it a messy divorce? Did you do everything you could do to make his life hell??? Did you threaten him or take full custody?

The majority of the time Dads not staying in contact are avoiding conflict or just choose to back off and let a psycho woman have her way and not waste any time or efford in a battle she refuses to be reasonable in.

Now you have remarried may be part of the problem.

Try this out for size, have your son call someone else mommy.

Did you move away?

Did you leave him while he was at war?

What are you not telling us? Guys don't usually just up and go without reason. Most of the time is because they feel they have been done wrong or the mother has used the child as a weapon against them.

Maybe because of the war, he cant bare more conflict. It is easier for him to just go away. He figures he is calling the other guy Daddy (which is wrong, that teaches him not to love his real dad. If he doesn't love him, then he will lose interest in hearing from him anyways) and he has you. he's got a family.

Also have you considered something may of happened to him over seas? Maybe he was wounded. Lost a foot or a leg? He doesn't want his son to see him like he is?

You don't seem to have a lot of patience, maybe that is part of the problem?

Answer 3

I am not in this situation, but my best friend is. Her daughter is 7 and now calls the boyfriend daddy b/c her father doesn't even call more than 4 or 5 times a year.

My parents were also divorced when I was 7, and I can tell you that I never had a need to call another man daddy. My father, as much hell as my mother put him through (and it was A LOT!!!) he stuck around and made sure that he was a good influence in his kids lives'.

Unfortunately, not every man is like this. But God bless the ones who are, and I guess you should just be very thankful for your new husband to be such a positive force in your son's life.

Answer 4

I'm in the same situation w/ my daugther she is 5 & his dad rarelly called her or come & pick her up.. She is the one always callinmg him but he never answer his calls. Now she has stop asking for him or calling him it's being a month, she also call's my hubby daddy & she even gave him the father's day present she made at summer school. The better thing is never talk about bad about his"father" even if he is a jerk thank God he has the love & protection of your hubby if his dad doesn't call or sees him don't woory some day when he grows up he will have the right 2 go to his father & ask him why he didn't care for him.. It is better to be like that to have him suffering w/ a father who doesn't care for him just give him all the love ypu can so as your hubby so he can have a happy childhood & most important is that he has a familly. He might be the biological father but a real father is the one who supports, gives love & respect that what it should matter.
Don't worry one day he might need from your son & maybe your son might not want to be there cuz he has a real father at home. GOOD LUCK !!!! & try for him to forget about his father obviously he doesn't care for him. That's what I started to do just have my daughter 2 be happy w/ or w. out his "father"....

Answer 5

My son is 7 years old and the last time he saw his father was when he was 1 year old. I am with a great guy that i've been with for 5 years and he is the only father he knows. He calls him daddy, too. He knows he has a "biological" father, but it doesn't bother him that he doesn't really know or see him because my fiance is so good to him. I don't even care to get child support or anything from him. We don't want his money. Haven't talked to him in 6 years. My fiance will be adopting my 7 year old soon.

If he doesn't want to see his son, that is his loss! Don't bother with it anymore. It's a waste of time. It's only upsetting your son and he doesn't need that. Instead, get his mind on other things with the dad and family he's got. Let him forget about his father if it happens. no need to keep bringing him up if he doesn't want to see his son. If your son brings him up, fine, but you shouldn't. Maybe your husband can end up adopting him. Good luck!

Answer 6

The last time my oldest son's father saw him he was 3 years old he is 6 now. He is a deadbeat-does not call, does not pay court ordered child support. My other son last saw his dad when he was 6 months old. He is now 3. He now lives in another state but he pays support. My baby who is 16 months has his dad in his life. He treats the other kids like his own so if anyone asks,he has 3 kids. My kids are in a 2-parent home, where as i was a single parent of 2 kids with no help from anyone . I have always tried to keep the line of communication open to the older kid's fathers, but I gave up. They have a father,on who is there fro them and who reads to them and tucks them in at night.Consider yourself lucky to have a husband who considers himself a father to your son.That is his daddy. Don't worry about whether his natural father calls or comes by.If he doesn't want anything to do with him that is his loss.

Answer 7

The fact is, you can't MAKE him be a dad. He can be a father, be resonsible for child support payments, and never see or talk to the boy if he chooses. I wouldn't worry about it so much. Your son obviously has a wonderful man in his life as a positive roll model - many kids aren't so lucky. Maybe down the road, his father will want to visit and call; so be it. You have done your job by not poisoning the boy against his father. Just let it go! You're doing a good job! Good Luck!

Answer 8

I wouldn't bother with the ex...sounds like your new husband has stepped up to the plate to be his Dad. Its your Ex that is losing out on being a Dad to your son. Go on with your life the way it is,and when your son is old enough, have a talk with him and explain that his biological daddy couldn't take care of him, so his new daddy does. Canhced are if your new husband is Daddy...your son will never wonder because he doesn't nkow any different

Answer 9

i'm in the same boat. My ex has seen my daughter only once since she was 2 months old. That is when we split. He saw her in January for maybe thirty minutes at mcdonalds. She is 18 months old now. He didn't buy her anything for christmas or valentines day or easter. Rarely calls to check on her. I have given up on him being a father to her. I havent gotten any child support for her since the first of the year. I also have a wonderful man who I am married to who is the only daddy she knows. She does call him daddy. I think you should just let the other man take care of your child and consider it the biological fathers loss if he doesn't want to be there for his child. He is the one who has to live with himself.

Answer 10

Start parental right termination proceedings. Your son deserves a daddy. Since he calls your husband daddy then make it legal. Even if your ex decides to fight for his rights, you have nothing to worry about. By the way I would stop telling your son about his father, its confusing, hurtfull, and not necessary.
I speak from experience, Ive been through a similar situation.

Answer 11

He needs to grow up. Sure it is painful not to be able to see his son but his son needs to know that his father loves him. Talk to him again and mention that a phone call would be nice once in a while..offer to meet at a park or some place fun where he can interact with his son. He is doing a horrible thing to his boy by not contacting him..