I love my girlfriend very much in fact i love everything about her, but it really, really, really bothers me thinking that she was with someone else and that that person had sex with her. Sometimes i feel like she is a left over and a secon hand dumped by her ex, I know she is not an object like a car but i'm just telling you how i feel. They broke up a year ago and we met 3 months ago. I try not to think about it because it's in her past but i can't help it, i always try to focus on the possitives in her qualities (not that having had sex is negative) but it really gets to me everytime i think about it, or everytime i try not to think about it. I had sex only once in my life 2 years ago. I know that i'm being selfish and unresonable but what i would like to know is what is the real reason that i'm bothered by this thought?
2006-06-19 03:05:20 · 14 answers · asked by lacoste 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You're a jerk. Break up with her so she can find someone better than you.
2006-06-19 03:08:19 · answer #1 · answered by Corn_Flake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a past - some good, and some not so good. But it makes us who we are in the moment.
All of the things you say you love about her, her past made them possible for you to love.
You're being insecure, and that isn't fair to her. If your ego is so large that you think you have to be that person's past-present-and future, you need to get over yourself and let her find someone that REALLY loves her.
2006-06-19 11:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by volleyballchick (cowards block) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unreasonable. The fact that you care about her and want to feel special to her is not something to be ashamed of. My advise would be to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Tell her that you are bothered by the fact that she was with another man, and that as much as you care about her and cherish her, you feel hurt. If she doesnt know how you feel, she will never know how to be there for you in the best way she can.
Good Luck!
dancinghobbit131
2006-06-19 10:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by dancinghobbit131 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possibly insecurity. Are you afraid he was good at it and you aren't? Who knows. You need to remember, usually by the time people get married, both parties have had earlier relationships. Doesn't sound like she's a slut or anything. I would do my best to let it go. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel jealous of a past relationship. That is totally unrealistic.
2006-06-19 10:09:30 · answer #4 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel like a left over because of what you did 2 years ago and are projecting that onto her as well. Try talking to a professional about this if you can't resolve it.
2006-06-19 10:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I belive your thinking is maybe the person you were to fall in love with was supposed to be a virgin. so you feel that it's tainted. there is a disorder (Not sure of the name) where a man can and will only have sex with a virgin, even if he takes his wifes virginity after that day he will no longer sleep with her, or maybe you just wanted to sleep with her first. all in all your being very selfish and if she gets a hint about it she'll probably be out the door.
2006-06-19 10:11:20 · answer #6 · answered by Dawn R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just answer your own question, you're "been selfish and unreasonable". What right do you have to question her past, you have a past on your own. If you are going to be that trouble by her past relationship, and you said you really love her, please leave her be happy with someone that appreciates her for what she is now and not her past. Try to work out your issues and then when you're ready, look for her, see if you still have a chance with her!
2006-06-19 10:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may be true that you are judging her by a double standard...i know exactly how you feel though....try to think of our apparently Godless society (sorry about the God remark, but if the shoe fits, America should wear it) where apparently everyone has already had sex and the age keeps getting younger, so it's hard to avoid this situation entirely unless you go to church to find a good woman....that's about the only thing i could think of to help you....
2006-06-19 10:11:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real reason you are bothered is that he was better in bed than you are and you know she will never be happy with you.
2006-06-19 17:37:30 · answer #9 · answered by rsdudm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about it,it's human nature to remember the things we do not want to remember and it's human nature to always wonder such things.
there is nothing about u,except maybe u feel really sorri for this girlfriend of your's.bad bad thing to do.if u feel sorry for her,what do you think she's going to think of herself.
2006-06-19 10:12:44 · answer #10 · answered by and we all have loved before 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋