Help needed if you can please with my 3yr old son?

Question

Hello I have a 3yr old son that to honest doesnt listen to a word me and his mum says Its like the other day he thought it would be good to unlock the front door and disapear for 2hrs which scared the hell out of us but we found him at the police station but when all that was finished we sat him down and spoke to him before we put him to bed and told him that it wasnt good to do that so the day after we fitted extra locks on the doors and also started to take the keys out now but he still trys and gets out now i feel as a parent i have failed some were along the line of parenting also when he gets up in the morning we have told him to wake me or his mum up but he doesnt listen then he goes down stairs and totally wrecks the house i.e he puts a full bag of sugar all over the floor etc things like that I just dont know what to do anymore so if there is anyone out there that can help it would be much apriciated thanks D.Hudson

Just for the record dont ever say that my child is neglected because he is far from that how come people like you always assume the worst in parents that are needing help? Also the health visitor said that hes just a typical 3yr old which i believe is hard to come to terms with also we phoned her the other about him and we still havent had a reply from her

The locks on the door cant be moved because its a front door so there in the place they need to be he has learnt how to unlock it thats why we have took the keys out, Also i dont know how much attention we have to give him we play with him everyday we go out to places together etc but it doesnt seem to be working

he has a gate up at his bedroom but he gets over it he is very inteligent but its really getting to me because i see my son that i adore and love more then life its self but then i look how he treats his mum and me and i just think to myself were have i gone wrong and sometimes i cant help but to sit outside when hes in bed and cry because its so hard being only 22 and knowing that you have done everything for him but he still seems to do bad things like this

again can i just say that we dont neglect our son and if you think that plz dont submit a answear and also my gf does hear him get up and we do get up but its when he is on his own that he does stuff like that in the kitchen he intends to sneak off dont get me wrong we keep a close eye on him at all times but we have to do the house etc aswell as keep our eye on him but he acts older then he is but plz again dont submitt anything if you think we are neglecting him because its not true we dont have any socila workers coming round etc so that should answear that

hi there this is the mother of the child in question, thanks for all the tips from the helpful people but again i dont appreciate being told my son is neglected, if he was neglected we wouldnt take time out to ask for advice now would we? secondlt it only takes two minutes for you to take your eyes off your child i.e being in the kitchen etc for them to wander, we just didnt realise he could put a key in the door and unlock it which has resulted also in bolts being put up so the same mistake isnt made, i think tactics need to change now as he is growing more and more intelligent, when this happened i was at work and a distraught mother not to know where her son was as you can imagine so it isnt appreciated being called neglectful, i have tried some different types of discipline, i tried telling him his toys would be gone if he didnt start behaving etc and he used the revrse psycology on me and told me he would put his toys in the bin for me, thats how clever he is, timeout sounds good!

i will try the time out next but just to say thankyou to all the helpful people on here and there advice thats what we was looking for not to be critisized !!! thanks for tips guys i will try them !!!

Answer 1

Discipline, no not smacking but some other sort of punishment works wonders. have you ever watched nanny 911 or supernanny? The naughty step works wonders so does the confiscation of favourite toys.

Sit your son on the naughty step for 3 minutes (a min for every year) where he can't play with anything but has to think about what he has done. Then ask for an apology and give him a hug.

It works for my 3 year old daughter

Answer 2

at aged 3 yrs he has little concept of conciquences so he won't worry about dangers. If he finds he can open a door, lift up a lid, turn something on or off he will do it again and again. The mess he makes in the kitchen could be him discovering how the world works, pouring and tipping ect. Give him things he's allowed to make a mess with. Boxes containing more boxes so he can explore within a safe environment, make sure he understands that these belong to him. If he goes near a door give him an alternative to open and close, maybe a box with things inside that he hasn't seen for a while. If possible maybe getting him a placement in a playgroup would help to give him the input he desires. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting you are a bad parent but the facilities available to him would increase and would also give you two a break. They may be able to suggest ideas for occupying him whilst you do those necessary dishes ect. I have been there myself and keeping him busy sounds like a full time job. You could try a sensor for the kitchen door so if he opens it the alarm will go off,but, it'll scare the pants off him the first time and wake you up. It should discourage him next time he decides to go exploring without you.

Answer 3

It sounds like your son is going through the terrible twos at the age of three. There are two rules of thought here,one more harsher than the other. The first is obvious when ever the little one gets out of line give him a whack on the behind and let him know why he is getting whacked.That is the adage of spare the rod spoil the child if you will. The other is try using a reward system. When the little one does something that he is supposed to do reward him with a treat. If he doesn't listen to you then punish him severely. ie No TV, toys or what have you. If that don't work the only other suggestion that I can offer is have him see a child psychologist.

Answer 4

It sounds like you could benefit from a parenting class or reading some literature on it (after all, we seek instruction and advice on all other topics...why not the most precious and important of all: our kids?). You need to define your role as parent and establish your expectations and limits. Give him the choice of following your rules or not. BUT if he chooses not to listen, you must determine and apply some firm punishments. This can be anything reasonable that works for you. We have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. We use everything from redirection, to time-out, to removal of priviliges, to spanking (a last resort--and only a swat or two with an open hand on a clothed bottom). Find the method that works for you and BE CONSISTENT. Your child must know that you have expectations of him and that there are consequences for misbehavior. Let him know what is unacceptable and back yourself up. Otherwise, at his age he will test the limits as he explores his independence and the exciting world out there.

Good luck. You can do it!!

Answer 5

Wow sweety seems like you have your hands full.I have a 14 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and she is alot different than my son was.He was pretty good as a child.On the other had my 3 year old daughter is a HANDFULL.We have a gate near the stairs and she has found a way to get over it.She is so full of energy and non stop.Maybe bring your son to a play group?day care?have someone come babysit?Maybe he needs to be among friends his age and this way you and mommy can have some relax time if thats at all possible.My daugter loves playing outside but when she is inside she is kinda like your son...she is into everything and throws things all over the place.The 1-2-3 semi works for her.I am really looking forward to my daughter starting daycare..as I am writing this she just took all my clean clothes and threw them all over the floor.lol Daycare will help with alot of things that I can't seem to figure out.Good luck

Answer 6

Right set an alarm to go off ten minutes or so before he generally gets up the you will be aware of your surroundings even if not fully awake. The door just needs a bolt near the top that he cant reach, with his behaviour try and be consistent (i know its hard) when you say no mean no if he keeps deliberately disobeying you put him in the corner for a few minutes. And last but not least you are not a bad parent children dont come with instruction manuals and each one is unique and anyone that thinks they are a perfect parent needs a reality check, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. good luck.

Answer 7

Oh my goodness, you definitely have your hands full! I can't imagine what you must be going through as a parent, but don't feel like a failure, because he really needs you to be strong and not give up. He sounds like he is very high functioning for a 3 year old, but there also sounds like there are some other things going on here. If he is waking up before you, then you need to set your alarm and make sure you are up when he wakes up. A 3 year old should not be allowed to wander around the house unsupervised, which I'm sure you are aware of, since you've asked him to wake you up. But the impetus is on YOU as the adult to wake yourself up. Don't ask a 3 year old to get you up, because they can't be trusted with that kind of thing. He sees it as a time to cause mischief and "have fun" while mom and dad are sleeping. If he's not listening to you, is it because you aren't disciplining him when he acts out? Are you consistent in the way you handle his behavior problems? Are you and mom on the same page? Do you back each other up in your decisions, or do you argue about it in front of him? Does he do anything "right"? Spend time acknowledging him when he does something good, but discipline him without emotion (ie no screaming or yelling and telling him he's "bad") when he acts out like this. I think the biggest thing MOST of us as parents FAIL on is being consistent. DO what you say you're going to do and he'll stop. A lot of people don't spank their kids. I do. I do not EVER spank with my hand or in anger. I use a small switch from a tree or I use a paint stirrer. I switch on the behind only because it's padded. I calmy explain to my kids BEFORE I spank them why they are receiving the spanking. Then I spank them. I don't have to do it very much anymore, to be honest, because it's an effective discipline tool. If you dislike the idea of spanking, then put him in a time out. If he gets up, keep taking him back to the spot. Just don't put him where it's interesting (like his room). Pick the most B-O-R-I-N-G spot you can find and keep putting him there until he'll sit quietly for 3 minutes or so. You are in charge, you're going to have to keep a better eye on him, knowing that he's so active. But you can do it - just take a deep breath and commit yourself to the fact that it's a 24-7 job with no pay and no 15 minute breaks. The pay off is that your son will grow out of it if you do right by him and discipline him. If you don't do it now, think of how he will be when he's 16 and as big as you are. Kids need discipline - they crave boundaries. Give both to him because you love him.

Answer 8

This sound like the same problem I have been having with my 4yrs daughter. I was talking to a doctor about a month or so ago and the doc said that this is just your child trying to tell you something. You might need to sit back for a while and keep a close on your son. Just watch him and write down any notes that you think that might improve things. If your child is bored try to work out what and what is making your son bored in a way for him to unlock doors and take off. This might just have to take time to get passed this hard period. GOOD LUCK! :)

Answer 9

First thing I would do is talk to his pediatric doctor to make sure he doesn't think that ADD or ADHD is occuring. That is young for that but I wouldn't say too young. About him getting up and letting you guys know, solve that by putting a baby monitor in ya'lls room so you can hear him when he gets up. As for the messes that he creates, make him help clean them up and use TIME OUT. I have a 2 1/2 year old and time out works wonders but I also whip him when needed. I take things away from him that he likes such as toys, movies, etc. I also have a 5 1/2 year old nephew that did similar things and he has been recently diagnosed with ADHD. They do have to get on to him constantly and he doesn't understand danger what so ever. They finally started talking to their pediatric doctor and they all worked together to find the problem. Hang in there. I know it's scary but don't show him that because it will then be fun to him. Be sure to talk to the doctor and try the different discipline ideas. Parenting is difficult. Just hang in there.

Answer 10

You have way to many responses for me to read through them all to see if this advice was given...so...I am going to be politically incorrect and say a swift swat to the behind would do a world of good. And i am not judging...my middle son walked out of the house while i was cooking breakfeast and i only found him before he walked into the street b/c he left the door open, my youngest son got out the back fence (which I did not think possible) and was returned by a neighbor who found him walking down the sidewalk. If you are having constient problems though and the child is making your life miserable (in a good way - lol) then i think you need stricter disclipline measures. Be constient and sometimes you can swat them. I'm not saying brutally beat the child or spank for small stuff, but a child of 2-3 cannot understand reason and if they run in the street, you spank and that is and immeadite response they don't like. TIme out is also good use your judgement.