What do you say to someone in this situation?

Question

The daughter of my boss was murdered this weekend. I consider my boss a friend, but am at a loss for words. We work for a rather small company and everyone is close. I posted it in this category, because of the type of people who answer here.

Answer 1

It is a difficult situation and you probably know that grieving is an extensive, difficult and individual process. When your boss's daughter was murdered, then it makes the grieving process even worse, more diifult to cope with.

Telling him you were shocked to hear such terrible news will indicate that you can relate to process, as shock and disbelief come first. Offer your condolances and tell him that you are there for him. Show him you're there by helping out with the workload, also at a later stage (After the funeral is over) let him know that it's OK for him to talk about it or not talk about it. Explain that you will not intrude, instead be there when he wants someone to talk to, also that yu will be there if he doesn't want to talk about it. Make him feel he is in control of the communication.

Grieving is often complicated by people who prefer to ignore the dead person (Easier) and it causes a strong reaction from the grieving person who feels that someone does not acknowledge the loved one they lost.

It's a matter of tact. You know your boss as a friend so you have a better understanding of his thoughts, feelings at normal times, you know what he enjoys talking about, what he doesn't.

Keep communication simple as he may be struggling to understand long/unclear sentences while he is undergoing such a powerful sense of loss.

Best wishes

Ros

Answer 2

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I would not ask "Is there anything I can do to help?" unless you plan on doing so. You can mabey offer to help cook some food for his/her family. Flowers are good but, they don't help much. Try doing something that would help make their life easier. Offer to help with cleaning the house, anything practical.

Don't say "I know how you feel." or "I have gone through the same thing." Even if you have gone through something similar, each person deals with loss in a different way. Grieving is also a process, and the stages of it can be longer for some and shorter for others. Your boss may be back up on top within no time or may be down for quite a while. Be prepared for mood swings as well, anger can be part of the grieving process. Just remember that they are going through a tough time.

Answer 3

Unfortunately in this situations, words mean very little. But something as simple as "I am so sorry ________, I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this is for your and your entire family." Above all, be a friend, listen to them, cry with them, be supportive to the best of your ability and know that your boss may never completely recover from this loss, if they recover at all.

Actions, at this time, speak volumes, get together with your co-workers, and determine what you as a group can do to help out your boss and the rest of the family. Even if it is something as simple as taking meals to the family, caring for their lawn(s), taking over the boss' workload for a while; the littlest things are usually what means the most during this time.

Whatever you do, no matter how tempting, don't tell them to let you know if they need anything. I only say this, because at this time, they don't know what they need, they are on auto pilot just trying to get their arms around the loss of their daughter.

Do your best to be a true friend, don't let this person slip thru the cracks, but do be prepared to take some verbal abuse as you may be the only person that is convenient for them to take their anger out on and there will be a lot of anger, for some time to come.

Answer 4

1. You say nothing, because there are no words to say for such sadness. The fact that you can look him in the eye, hug him, shake his hand is more than enough and he will know it.

2. Don't be clingy and definitely give the man space. Unlike women, men often grieve by taking time and solitude. No words need to be spoken.

3. Remember he will need support for a long time. If and when he loses focus and possibly wants to go on a bender- remember that his grief is progressing through a cycle and be there to help him.

4. Pray for his daughter and say nothing.

Answer 5

Any type of support helps in these situations. Even just acknowledging that you don't know what to say but that you are there in support. Don't forget the rest of the family esp Mom. It is the knowing that many people stand behind them that helps emotionally in times like this. You could check to see if they have pets or duties they need help with for a few days.

Answer 6

Dont Say Anything Just Give Him A Big Hug O Love

Answer 7

Let your boss know how sorry you are and that you're there for him/her to talk to or cry with. Let the boss know that all of you care about what he's/she's going through and that boss has support through this terrible time.

Answer 8

Just be there and listen to him. Let him know, without many words that you care. If you fill you can just hang him for a while, just to make him fell better. Know that for the man sometimes crying is difficult. If he does let him cry as long as he needs.
Follow you heart.

Answer 9

there is no explanations for such events where "bad things happen to good people". your friend should try to see that this horrible incident should not upset his and his family's life. if he gets upset and his life gets disturbed , the perpetrators of the crime are winning. to defeat them he should gather up all his mental strength and proceed against them through all legal avenues. it is lives which over come such adversities , that give great satisfaction at the end.

Answer 10

theres nothing much you can really do. but if you are a guy and your boss is a guy. you can buy few packes of beer and have some talks with him. friendship is very important in a moment like this