tell me a joke. best one gets 10 points?

Question

WHO CAN TELL ME THE BEST JOKE?

Answer 1

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 2

Guy walks in a bar, Says "Bartender let me have a 12yr old Scotch! And no funny business, I know a 12 yr old scotch!"
So the bartender with his back turned pours out of view a 6yr old Scotch, Serves it and the man sips a bit. "AH I told you 12yr old scotch, this is a 6yr old scotch, now quit playin' around".
Again the bartender turns this time pouring a 10yr old scotch gets the same response out of the man " this is a 10yr old scotch, buddy I'm outta here..."
" Wait... Wait, Ok it's on the house here you go". giving him a tall pour of the finest 12yr old topshelf scotch he had.
Calming down while drinking his smooth shot, a drunk walks from out of the shadows of a corner of the bar and say ina slured voice.... " Hey budddy... Thatss a Good trick you got goin' there, how you doit?" Bothered a bit the man replies " I'v been drinkin' longer but more educated than you my friend, I can tell the age of anything I drink". I drunk swagers back after a few moments and say " Try this...". Handing the scotch drinkin' man tall glass.
The man sips it, spewing it from his lips a soon as it hits his taste bud he says "This tastes like piss!" and the drunk says
" How old am I?"
DJ SANDMAN

Answer 3

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was
difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following
day. The husband checked
into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and
without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's
son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 4

Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings. The judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie!"

Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why not???"

The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to the court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy!"

Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honour! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said she was f**ing Goofy!"

Answer 5

3 men were captured in the jungle by a man-eating king. the king said he would let them live if they brought back 10 of a certain fruit.

the first man came back with 10 apples. the king told him to shove them up his a$$ w/o flinching. he made the 1st but flinched on the second so he was eaten.

the 2nd man came back with 10 berries. he was told to do the same thing. the man made it to the 9th berry but on the 10th he burst out laughing so the king ate him.

the 2nd man met the 1st on the way to heaven. the 1st man said, "why did u laugh? you almost made it!" The 2nd man only said, "i couldn't help it...the 3rd man had brought pineapples!"

Answer 6

Two men, a Texan and a West Virginian, were peeing into a river from a bridge. The Texan said, "Water sure is cold." The West Virginian said, "Yeah, and it's deep, too."

Answer 7

Well i am running out of stock, posted 4 in this mrng, and around 150 in few months, check my QA and enjoy

Answer 8

An innocent joke:
as the thief was leaving the house the kid woke up and said to the thief :Take my school bag also or else i will woke up my mummy.

Answer 9

Already posted my best ones,got pretty good reviews check them out.

Answer 10

Three mouse chatting in the kitchen:

MOUSE 1: im brave!
M2 & M3: why do you think so?
M1: i ate the rat killer!
M2:youre lame! Im braver!
M3 & M1:why?
M2: I ate the mouse trap!
M3: is that all you got cowards? I say im the bravest!
M2 & M1: why!!?
M3:I ****** the Pussycat =)