i have a 13yr old brother who is hanging out with a 20r neighbor. i see something wrong with the relationship but my mom thinks it is ok because he could be hanging out with worse people. so is it just me or is it bad? i think he is not the right person to hang out with him (the way i see him he is rude and selfish) but he is polite in front of my mother. she doesn't believe me when i say it is not a good thing for them to hang out together but allmy mom does is throw thing i did (when i was 19) in my face saying i was not doing well (all i did was go to a party that was stopped by the cops and all of a sudden i am a bad seed). but i was 19 and an adult and my brother is only13! does anyone think he should not hang out with this guy or am i being over protective? i get so frustrated that i want to just wash my hands of the situation. i feel like i know there will be a major desaster and no one believes me. Any Advice?
2006-06-18 21:18:13 · 10 answers · asked by Raven L 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i have told my mother my concerns many times but she just turns a blind eye. she can not bring herself to admit this could be "possibly" a bad thing. i tried to talk to her today and she said i am one to talk. but when he gets out of control (he talks back, calls my mother names, theatens her and throws stuff at her) she calls me for advice
2006-06-18 21:30:04 · update #1
i have recorded the behavior and she believes i "caused" the situation. also, my brother has been saying he recived oral sex from a 14yr old while at school. i didnt believe it until i heard my brother say it when he though he was talking to a family member (he was put on speaker phone by a concerned family member) i told my mother and she asked him. he said i was lying and that was that i was wrong
2006-06-18 21:35:12 · update #2
just to be clear the 20 yr old is a guy
2006-06-29 10:18:29 · update #3
Your mom sounds like she's in denial about the situation. She does not want to admit that another child she has raised might have some potential problems. (speaking from her point of view) It sounds like she is only thinking of herself, to be honest. Her pride tells her that she is not a bad parent. Her pride tells her that it's okay for him to be with this 20 year old man. Her pride tells her that nothing could possibly be going on. But the facts say something entirely different. He throws things at her. He yells at her. This is not acceptable behavior for a 13 year old boy. I think you are justified in feeling the way you do. I'm concerned for your brother. Statistics show that men and boys tend to be more violent than girls. He could be learning alot more than what a 13 year old boy needs to know from this older man. To say "He could be hanging out with worse people" is a cop out. Does she care who he makes friends with? Apparently not. Maybe he's not hanging out with a serial rapist, but how does she know he's not doing drugs or being molested by the guy? There are signs in every situation of the above mentioned - please get the following book and read it: "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker.
As far as "making your mom see the light", there is no way you're going to be able to do that. It sounds like she is living in a fantasy world filled with denial. The next time she calls you, you might just say, "I'm sorry that he (insert offense here) you mom. It must be really tough." And leave it at that. She doesn't want your advice, she wants your pity. You need to talk to your borther. Try and get through to him in any way you can. Find out what he does with this guy. Keep the lines of communication open. Let him know that if he ever needs you, no matter the time of night or day, you're there. He needs an authority figure in his life badly. It's just too bad your mom doesn't feel up to the job.
2006-06-19 02:16:15 · answer #1 · answered by tallgirltexas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible situation you are in. All you want to do is help and your mother is turning on you. It really does sound like this friendship between your brother and a 20 year old should stop, but the more you go on about it, the more he will continue to see him. You have told your mother your concerns and you can do no more than that. Try to guide your brother to do the right things in life without setting orders or boundaries. After all, we all learn by our own mistakes. This neighbor sounds like a bit of a weirdo. Keep a journal of all that you know, just in case. My son is 13 and I would not like him to have any kind of relationship with a 20 year old, it would just creep me out. You are not being over protective. Just be there for your brother. I'm sure your mother will see what is going on eventually. Good luck!!
2006-06-18 23:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hun I know how you feel I am the eldest of 6 kids so when big sister mode kicks in you need to go to this 20 yr old and tell him what you think because apperantly mom just doesnt want to see that maybe her judement in people is slipping and that maybe she doesnt see that this person is trouble in the making...One day try to sit down and talk to your brother it may work depending on the type of relationship you and he have I am lucky my brothers and I are very close and when I speak they take heed of my words and till this day they are 18 and 17 and they still come to me with problems or concerns..I truley hope you can get your brother to realize what type of person this 20 yr old is....And as for mom throwing up your mistake at 19 remind her with out being disrespectful that you learn from your mistakes and that you were an adult not a 13 yr old child who still needs continuous guidence and boundries..Good Luck
2006-06-26 05:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by shell b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one ever believes the older sis. what i did was beat the crap back into my brother and stuck to him a lot when he was by aunts house 'cause the neighbor was...is still going the wrong path...in a gang by age 8, drinking beer, smoking weed, smoking by age 12 but i think even younger...and this kid is barely 16 i think and he is a hs drop out by halfway of his freshmen yr, now getting his GED. it took a few beatings but now my bro doesn't like to go near my aunts neighbor.
yeah but now he hangs around a 20yr old but i've told i was gonna beat the crap out of him but he laughs at me now so what i do now is when i'm taking him somewhere i scare him half 2 death so the whole next wk he comes home early 'cause he knows my driving style and he doesn't want to "die" in a car next to me.
2006-06-18 21:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by babykillar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds dangerous to me. maybe bro wants to hang out with u. what does bro do with 20 yr old neighbor. 20 yr old neighbor may be pedophile. y would 20 yr old person hang with 13 yr old.
2006-06-19 00:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by koifishlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just let him go. Let him have good relationships and bad ones. Or just tell the Girls parents (If she lives with them) becuase they might not like that too much
2006-06-28 19:55:27 · answer #6 · answered by ~*$hAy*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask your brother if you can hang out with him
why dont you be the big brother and step in take your brother with you to a movie to lunch to the park you be the big brother that he wants
2006-06-19 02:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a picture of his rudeness with a gigi-cam and show ur mother that ur brother is hangging out with the wrong person ...............
2006-06-18 21:29:38 · answer #8 · answered by feyridz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confide your apprehensions with your mother frankly.
2006-06-18 21:25:42 · answer #9 · answered by shakira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the best thing is to walk away
2006-06-18 23:13:43 · answer #10 · answered by L louise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋