Dementia/ Alzheimer's...What to do, kids can't take anymore??

Question

After hub's mom died, Grandma had no where to go so we took her in. I have Cancer, and just had a newborn with a heart problems. I have a 15 yr old and 8 yr old. Grandma won't take a bath. Social worker came and said she MUST have bath daily. She refuses!! She also tried to attack my 15 yr old. I called police several times, they won't do anything. They say that we one day will get old too. I took her to the hospital, to see about baker acting, but she plays like she is a quiete sweet granny in front of them. We had family over and she hit my neice in the mouth a total of 6 times. We have told her doctor over and over that it is not safe for her to be around other kids. Grandma refuses to see another doctor, and we demanded that she bathe, She said she is not bathing or moving anywhere, and refuses assisted living. Her doc did assign us a social worker, but after 90 days she stopped coming, and the nurse and bath person also stopped. Medicare only paid 90 days,What to do?

She sometimes will not take her medication as prescribed for anxiety and depression, and to calm her. She says that she already took them... and calls us dirty da*** liars..

We tell her it has been three weeks since bath, and she calls us dirty d** liars, and then becomes violent. What can i do?? SHe has to bathe??? I have kids, and they have to come first. I refuse to loose them because no one will help us.

We are all being abused by Grandma!!! Dear God show me a way..!!

I have my own problems with my health. How did I get chosen as a caregiver. I just offered her a place to live out of kindness of my heart. I did not know what I was getting into. My baby needs me 24/7, and I can't do it? My kids are ready for nervous breakdown, and most of the time we hide in my room and watch tv, until she tries to beat door down.

Oh, I called the mental hospital, and they said she has to be referred to by her doctor, or by the hospital?!? No one wants to step in, Is this because she does not make that much Social Security??

We did not know she was this bad. It happened after her daughter died. SHe went sooooo downhill. Its getting worse day by day.

Garden: What was I suppose to do? Put her in the street? It was his grandmother for pete's sake? No one wanted her.

I was hoping that If she were baker acted then maybe they would adjust her meds, or refer us to someone who can help us get her in a nursing home. SHE refuses to leave my home.

She won't go to a home, and we can't kick her out or we will get in trouble with elderly abuse. Social worker also stated that she can NOT be alone by herself. So we are prisoners to our own home. If she gets hurt in my home, I am the one who will be going to jail.

Answer 1

Well with you being sick you’re self and having children in the house it is not safe for you to be there. You need to call someone to have her removed from your home. Anyone I know it is bad to say but if she is hitting your children get her for assault and have her arrested. Your children’s safety is the most important right now. As a mother you must protect your children at all cost.
Once she is arrested or taken in she will be evaluated and placed in the appropriate place.

I know it does not have to make you feel guilty for feeling this way but you nor your children deserve this. Where is your husband in all of this it is his grandmother? If this continues there could be terrible results. With having a sick baby at home I am sure there is crying she may freak out and hurt your baby. You can love her and watch over her when she is living somewhere else. Tell her she has no choice she must find different living arrangements.

Answer 2

I am a nurse and worked for an Alzheimers Unit for a long time. this is normal behavior for anyone with Alzheimers and dementia. Grandma has to be placed in a nursing home and as soon as possible.With the violent episodes they do not know their own strength and could seriously hurt someone.Callin the police is just wasting their time. She will eventually if shes not already doing this, will start running away what I mean by this is wandering off. The children you spoke of don't really need to see this sort of thing happenening it is scary for them. She may fight you when you try to put her in a nursing facility but its worth it she will have 24 hour a day care. Good Luck

Answer 3

I feel sorry for you. Psychologist can provide medication that can calm her down. There's also medication that will stop her Alzheimer from getting worst, but I cannot imagine it getting worse than this.

See if the psyciatric department of the closest hospital provide house calls.

My grandmother is suffering the same way, but she's immobile. When she was, she caused quite a havoc. She had several falls from being aggressive and had several fractures, she's been bedridden ever since.

Answer 4

hon, what the ??? do you think dementia is????? it is a person not in their right mind. why would you take someone in that has this disease and then call the police to Baker Act her???? I think you are the crazy one. Baker Acts have 3 days confinement and then you will be right back where you started. Dementia doesn't go away, it gets worse each passing day, sometimes to the point they don't know you or anyone. They see things, they hear things and they think people are poisoning them, stealing from them etc. It is a disease! If you can't handle this job, then talk to Social Security/Medicare about placement in a nursing home. No one WANTS to ever be in this state of mind. But once you are, YOU can't do anything about it. there is one drug that has had some promising results but is expensive....ask her DR...Aricept.

Answer 5

i feel for you an your children, something has to be done , that will only get worse, you need to get the home heath care nurse that came, she can get something done, we had to do it with are mom same way , nurses come an leave she only got worse an worse, now she in a nusing home, its not left up to her which doctor she see, if your taken care of her, if worse comes to worse she will start telling them stories saying your hurting her an you will get charges are you, is there any other family members, make them help you get threw to her doctor , an my mom is own ss . social security, an it pays for her nursing home, get her out of your life, you can not do it anymore, an if not for you for ur kids sake, there has to be something you can do. do u have a cam corder , tape her an play that to her doctor, if u have to call cops every 5 mins do it, have other family call , good luck to you prays will be done, hope your health gets better, an that old lady gets put in a home , an soon , you really need to get the social worker an nurse to talk to the doctor. good luck god bless you for trying

Answer 6

Hello and I am sorry you are having so much problems, Yes of course I will pray for you, perhaps if you are not A church member anywhere you might try and contact your local Seventh Day Adventist Church, get involved in church activities, if the whole family gets involved and allows Christ' spirit to to His job, the problems should go away.

Answer 7

I haven't read the any other answers yet but I think the only thing to do is when she hits a child call 911 and let them see the bruises of the child and press charges. the charges can be dropped and the state will be forced to act.

Answer 8

God, your problems are painful and makes my heart aches. What could be the solution to all these situation. Don't you ever loose hope from the God, he has selected you for test be thankful to him, there will be time you will find little peace in life. We could only add in prayers to recommend God to lessen your difficulties and give you more strength to face the inconvenient situation. Grandma situation due to Alzheimer is such cannot one complain its age problem and not in the reach of her capability to set the situation right. As the cop said one day if someone live long may have chances similar situations. I am sorry for your present situation please try to inculcate patience thinking this is timely world we will be changing in only soul without existence of bodily presence one day. The ailments will definetly rewarded by God as enormous bounties. Have a heart take whatever inconvenient coming on the way as it was tailored in our fate.

God Bless you. You will be fine.
Take Care.. I am Sorry....

Answer 9

Call a mental hospital right a way and have them forcibly take her away. She is a danger to you, your family, herself and others. If the mental hospital refuses to take her away gather proof of what she does.

Answer 10

SHE'S PLAYING YOU FOR A FOOL---SHE NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK---ITS A MEAN GAME SHE'S PLAYING---TELL HER YR ON TO HER GAME AND ITS GOT TOO STOP----MEAN WHILE GET HER TO A HOME ---TELL HER YOU CAN'T TAKE AND WON'T TAKE HER CRAP ANYMORE----TELL HER THAT HER NONSENSE ISN'T GOING TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE AND YOUR NOT GOING TOO PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE. TELL HER ITS UNEXCEPTALE WHATS SHES DONE AND WEATHER SHE LIKES OR NOT SHE GOING INTO A HOME, WHO IS THE ADULT IN THAT HOUSE YOU OR A CHILDISH OLD BRAT TRY TOUGH LUV IT WORKS----. GOD BLESS