Would you marry someone who has different belief than you? I?

Question

I am in a serious dilemma here. I am thinking about marrying my girlfriend; however, I am currently thinking about becoming a Buddhist and she is a strong Christian? Would this cause any problem down the road? Can a couple have a happy marriage with such a different belief and outlook in life? Please advise.

Answer 1

I hope this helps. I am Buddhist and my wife is Christian. We have been married several years. I think it would help if she is openminded and to show that you are also openminded, try going to church with her. After studying Buddhism, especially Pure Land recently, I have come to understand Christianity better. Even though I can't believe in a creator god, I can see the good in it and understand that everyone requires different methods. Christianity is a method, and if that's what works for her, let it be. If you both love and respect each other, you will both be able to be happy respecting each other's beliefs. Make sure you discuss each other's beliefs before talking about marriage. It's better to find out sooner than later. But be careful not to argue over the differences, try focusing more on the similarities.

Answer 2

Everyone feels that love is the most wonderful feeling in the world and that love can conquer every obstacle....Beleive me, thats about as logical as believing in the Teddy Bear, or Peanuts, Great Pumpkin bringing you gifts, or Santa Claus, or Tooth Fairy bringing you coins for teeth....
When the truth comes to light, that lie makes bad news bears look good.
Anyone who has experience with cross cultural marriage, knows that its tough. Very difficult. Cross cultural is the same as cross religions, especially where the basic tenant of faith is so very different as Buddhism is based on a belief system that has no sin, and no heaven, whereas Christianity has both sin, death, hell fire and heaven on a man god saviour. About the only two things that both religions hold in common, is that they idolize a man, and while the one man was a live person, who did not claim any divinity, the other person while supposedly alive several hundred years later, was more likely a fiction, and has about the same power of bringing eternal life as he does bringing you marital bliss and happiness, which is to say,,,nada, nil, zip, NONE.
You will discover that love of flesh, lust, sensuousness, sex, while all exquiste in the first couple years will soon become so very boring, and emotionally disturbing, that it will drive you to the bar, tavern and eventually divorce.
SORRY my Yahoo friend, you can take it from one who married a Christian, that Christianity will drive you crazy. But then, I have my suspicion that Buddhism might do the same thing to your prospective wife to be..... Well,,,whats one more divorce and two more broken hearts in a world that cant see past the skin, teeth and hair of the other person.
However, I will say this for you,,,,you apparently have some doubt....and believe me,,,,you will do well to find a spouse that shares the same cultural and Religious value belief system you do.

Answer 3

A lot of people don't think religious beliefs matter much in a relationship...I find that quite surprising, actually. I wouldn't marry someone with different beliefs than myself. I think it's a huge deal, especially if you plan on having kids in the future. I don't know the beliefs of Buddhists, but I do know that if a kid was brought up in the mix, that poor kid would probably be quite confused. Especially if one parent is as passionate about their religion as the other and they have contradicting beliefs--what do you teach the child? Sure, you can teach the child both religions ... but what does that do? Then you have a child that believes one parent is going the Heaven, the other is going to Hell.

Answer 4

I did once through the court, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Now I am very happily married through the Catholic Church to a beautiful woman who is Catholic like me.

I noticed that you said that she is a "strong Christian" but that you are "thinking about becoming a Buddhist".

Since her religion means more to her than yours does to you, if you love her and respect her then I would recommend that you start thinking more about becoming Christian and less about becoming a Buddhist if you are serious about her. But don't do it just because of her, do it with a sincere desire to have a relationship with God and to have God as the foundation for your marriage.

Otherwise, if you become a Buddhist the marriage probably won't last and the kids will be confused about what religion to follow.

Answer 5

Well, my husband is Catholic and I have made up on own religion (though some say I am pagan - I don't know). What I do know is that no matter how my husband and i practice our religion we still have many of the same core beliefs.

We both believe there is a Divine Spirit (he calls it god, I call it universal energy) that drives this existence.

We both think that the best way to help direct our lives is through prayer or meditation.

We both believe in an afterlife - he believes in heaven and I believe we are reunited with the universal energy.

We both think killing for any reason is wrong. We both think folks should help one another. We both believe in the golden rule. We are both teaching our children our beliefs - and we are teaching them tolerance and unity besides, by being of different faiths, and to find the common good in everyone (I hope!) He takes the kids to church and teaches them Bible stories - I teach them breathing and meditation techniques, yoga, constellations.

So I think you need to look beyond the labels of your religions and see if you can see eye to eye. Some religious differences are insurmountable it seems - in my case, that has not proven to be the case. We will be celebrating 8 years marriage in July.

Answer 6

Look, with Marriage, it's give, and then give some more. Strong christians tend to belief that converting their spouse is important. Which means, You are going to have to give in that department if things are going to work out between the two of you. Now short term, You can easily be a cute couple, and have fun without worrying about something like that. But eventually, that will come up, and if you aren't willing to give, then don't expect her to be willing to give. And when you both start holding out on each other...

Answer 7

It is possible to work around some differences and true love and caring will get you a long way, but you also need to consider some practical matters.
- How does she feel about your drifting toward Buddhism? If you do decide to follow that path exclusively, is she going to be able to deal with that? Or is she likely to have problems with your choice?

- What about your respective families? Is her family going to have issues with your different religion? Is yours going to have issues with your conversion? Are either or both families going to try to pressure you to become a Christian?

- The Wedding. Who will perform the ceremony? Where will it be? What kind of ceremony? Will you have more than one? Is anyone going to have fits if you have a dual ceremony - one Buddhist, one Christian?

- Children. As so many people have already pointed out, children are likely to be where the problem comes in. You need to discuss this and discuss it frequently, before you get married, after you get married, when you decide to have children and after they've arrived. Is your girlfriend and/or your respective families going to insist that the children be raised as Christians? Are you okay with that? If the children are raised Christian are you prepared to explain your differing beliefs to them? If they come to you concerned that you are going to hell, or are sinning, etc. because one of their friends or some "well-meaning" fellow churchgoer has mentioned this to them or because they've thought about what they've been taught at church (and this may very well happen) how are you going to deal with that?

Overall, the best advice I think anyone can give you is to talk about this with your girlfriend. Talk to her about your beliefs and concerns and listen to her about her beliefs and concerns. Talk about what you plan for the future both as individuals and as a couple. She deserves to know what's on your mind and you deserve to know what's on her mind. Open and honest communication and mutual respect and acceptance is what will make a successful marriage in the long run.

Answer 8

That's a tough situation. I have seen couples work it out, and I have seen families torn apart.

The couples that work it out have a really good "fight ethic," in the sense that each is ok with the other's beliefs and they basically draw a truce and don't discuss it often.
However, I have never seen a couple maintain this once kids are brought into the picture. If both parents are strongly religious, but in different religions, it usually causes enough turmoil to destroy the family when kids are involved -- because each parent feels their children are too important to "lose" the battle.

Answer 9

Well, in my opinion, this could present a problem. You really need to discuss this with her before going any further. In my experience, many strong Christians are not open-minded to other belief systems (and since you are converting to Buddhism, I am assuming that you are more open-minded). For this reason, I think that you need to have a discussion on this. What does she think of your conversion? What would you raise your children? Would she insist on getting married in a Christian church? How would you celebrate holidays? Would you live a more minimal existence (as Buddhism tends to dictate)? Would your differences offend you or her? How would your families interact? There are so many potential problems. You should definitely really discuss these things before you move ahead.

Answer 10

well they say opposites attract,but with such a difference in belifes i feel it would be a difficult to say the least,road to travel,the first question that pops to mind,is what would the children of such a union be raised as,and could both parties agree on it,the most inportant thing in any relationship, that is going to work is comunication,you need to both be very open and talk all this through,what about family interferance etc,this all needs to be talked through,then and only then can you both make an honniest choise.