How to deal with controlling parents?

Question

They pretty much planned out my future, when I'm "allowed" to move out, date, and marry, what I'm gonna do with my life. I also can't do anything at all, like I can't even go to my own backyard without someone with me. How to deal?

I'll be17 this year. And I have tried to talk to them, but they just get angry and say they know better. And I wanted to get a job, but they forbid it.

I have NEVER done anything against their will. I'm not allowed to date, for example, and I never have.

Answer 1

Are you an only child?
Sooooooooo you're gonna be 17 this year. That means you only need to make it til nx year. That also means you're gonna be very busy stashing any $$$ that you acquire. After all, you're gonna need every penny for your independence NEXT YEAR when you turn 18!!!
Now does that sound scarey or what? Sooooooo then that's your goal. You won't have any time to think about your controlling parents. You're gonna be toooooooo busy trying to figure out how you're gonna pull this off next year!!!
Who knows, you may even change your mind by then! :)

Answer 2

My control-freak-of-a-mother told me when I was about your age that I couldn't date 'til I was 21 and not marry until I was 23. I told her outright,"You *may* be able to tell me when I can start dating, but you *can't* tell me when I can marry!" The subject never came up again. Guess what? I married when I was 23. And no, "Mommy Dearest" didn't know anything; that just happened to be how old I was when I got married.
You have to keep in mind that your parents do mean to the best they can by you. And that they can only do what they learned *and* what they know to do. If you want to change it, you might have to start with your own offspring because by the time you reach your teens, they're too set in their ways.
Is there a reason why you're not allowed to go in the backyard by yourself? Did you violate their trust, i.e., break any rules? Speaking from my own experience with my own kids, once you do that, it takes a LOT to gain it back. Trust doesn't come in a day. (And by the way, that also applies to marriages, too... )
I'm not sure what you mean by their planning your future. Is there a religious purpose behind this or is it just their wishes for you? Personally I would like to think that my son will go into computers and not become an apprentice tatooist, as he's expressed. Nothing wrong with becoming a tatooist, just that he has a natural talent for a few things and anytime *I* express my pride in him along those lines and show a desire for him to pursue a certain job, he bucks. He doesn't want *his* mother running his life...
Every family has their own story. When you have kids, you'll see what I mean. Fortunately for me, my kids show more promise than neither me or my siblings did when we were growing up. Who knows? Maybe future generations are getting smarter!
There is hope you know; you'll grow up and leave home and your parents won't be around anymore. Life is too short and you'd be amazed at how quickly all your problems at home will fade away and be replaced by others. Take heart and take things one day at a time, they should get better... :)

Answer 3

You don't say how old you are , that makes a difference .And you know once your of age , you can go and never turn back ! Or course there's that rent , clothing , food , money thing .And how dare they love you so much ! Wanting to protect you ! I see thousand of teenager that stood up to their parents and now are homeless or in shelters , foster homes , with out their parents , now calling can I please come home ? The law states legal age to move out , by then you may not want too ! I understand they are over board with the yard , unless you gave them reasons.Always nice to hear both sides .And how trapped are you , when your on a computer , in a home , And parents , not a parent ? Growing up will happen soon enough and one day youy will ask " what would I have been or done without my parents ?" They can't plan your wedding or to whom , they can't do a lot , but isn't it nice they are doing all they can for you .Hope you said Happy Fathers Day to dad !

Answer 4

Like you I have gone through that period of my life where my parents particularly my mother, controlled everything in my live growing up (Thank God the teenage years are over). Around the time I turned 18 years old, we had a real heart to heart talk about how things were going to be. She didnt like it however but realized that she had to let me grow up, spread my wings and fly away. Truthfully though, the only thing you can really do is get a job, save up enough money and move out on your own because parents will always see you as their little child, no matter how old you are.

Answer 5

Wow, that is kinda severe. As long as you live at home, you gotta follow their rules... that's just how it works. You can move out when you're 18 and live by your own rules then.

But in the mean time, just try to show them how responsible you can be. Do all your chores, get your homework done early, honor their rules, even if they are crazy, and then just sit down and talk with them and try to reach a middle ground. You probably won't get all the freedom you want with them being that strict. Maybe tell them what you think you *should* be allowed to do, but then something less you're willing to agree to as a compromise.

Answer 6

A control freak is a person who has an obsessive need to control other people or situations. Sometimes a control freak is a bully who wants power. Often a control freak will accuse others of having this character trait when he or she feels that their power is in decline or brought into question. Often they resort to the use of backhanded compliments, and this is also an often used strategy, and possibly even a personality trait among control freaks.

In psychology-related slang, control is the attempt to impose excessive predictability and direction on others or on events, often associated with lack of trust or insecurity, especially in a parent/child, partnership/relationship, manager/project, responsibility/dependency, or boss/subordinate context. In this context the term is a derogatory slang term sometimes used for extreme cases

Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”

Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.

In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self worth assaulted, you need to avoid being bulldozed by a controlling lover, boss or friend. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response may be to walk out. You have to understand that whatever you do will have a limited effect. These people are angry and afraid to let go of you. Hence, it is your job to let go of them, protect yourself in the process… and grow.

Answer 7

You're living in their house, so for the time being, you MUST live by thier rules. Until you have enough of your OWN monet to be able to move out on YOUR own and pay for all YOUR OWN bills. You're going to be stuck. They are being protective because children get kidnapped / raped and murdered at a higher rate in todays world then before.

Answer 8

well that sounds like your leading a sheltered life but the best thing is to talk to them tell them what YOU want to do with life and what your ambitions are and maybe they will respect you more for it and give u more freedom...and not allowed to go in your own backyward? what are they affraid of? the serial killer neighbour??? lol thats bad prove u have done nothing to allow them to treat u that way and that u want their respect. and that your more than old enough to be able to do that on your own
good luck

Answer 9

Get a job, save your money, when you're 18 move out. Problem solved. Or stop listening to them. That would work too.

Answer 10

Get your own apartment and move out. That is the first step you need to take as you make your way down to path of adulthood with independence as your destination..DON'T choose to live in the same city as them, of course!