She is 11 years old. I understand that he hardly sees her but I don't feel like it's right to let her get away with everything. For example she wacked my one year old baby with a shirt across his head and my husband did not tell her anything. She only eats what she wants and my husband will make something else just for her. I have two other kids and I don't think that it is right for her to get royalty treatment when she is here. Am I wrong? I don't want to be the wicked stepmother. We get her for summers and Christmas.
2006-06-18 17:17:44 · 17 answers · asked by lifeislove 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Her mother is the same way with her.
2006-06-18 17:25:53 · update #1
LALAKIM- take your own advice and stop chasing married men. moving right along...
2006-06-19 04:00:41 · update #2
First of all, I wouldn't be letting anybody whack my baby with anything. (e.g. A shirt button could have hit him in eye.) You had every right to speak up firmly about it at the time.
At 11 years old, your stepdaughter's hormones are starting to run amok; she also may feel neglected that she is only relegated to seeing her father twice a year. Remember she has known him and been in his life longer than you and probably considers YOU and the baby and your two other kids as the people who are keeping her father from her.
You need to talk with your husband about this. (If your two other kids are from a previous relationship, your stepdaughter probably figures you're all ganging up on her (4 people against an 11 year old) and that the two other kids have even less right to be with her father if they aren't "his". Eleven year old girls nowadays have one foot in childhood and one stepping towards adulthood.
There have to be some ground rules. Are your other kids allowed to do things she isn't allowed to do? Undoubtedly if they are older. You didn't say for how long she stays - a week? Four days? Part of the summer? All summer?See that your husband spends some alone time doing things with her for a portion of the visit; if she's there a week, maybe a portion of two days; if four days, one day. If she's there all summer, he might want to set aside a particular day of the week to spend every week. Are any of your children close in age to her or feel more kindly towards her? If so, maybe that child can seek her out as well during her visit BUT, because she is a visitor doesn't mean there aren't any rules. Your husband is going to need to back you and, if you and he can't come to some understanding about how to handle her requests and/or demands in advance of her next visit, consult a child psychologist who can give you a few guidelines for a more peaceful household. Good for you for being concerned about this and wanting to resolve it.
2006-06-18 17:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by Serena 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
a look from the step daughters point of view:
She is only seeing her father 2 times per year. Maybe the two of you haven't been married long. She likely isn't happy with the fact that you are with her father and that you and your kids get to spend so much more time with him then she does. She needs to have some time with her dad. She really needs to be seeing him more then 2 times per year. That is part of the problem.
It may not be right for your husband to give her special treatment, but are you doing it to. Are you treating her different then your own children? Are you over reacting to her actions and words and making things worse in your mind? You are probably jealous of her in a way, she is getting your husbands attention. He isn't giving you or your children special treatment so you are angry.
Just remember that she is 11 years old. You are the adult not her. Sometimes the adult needs to realize that they are not the center of the world. You married a man with a child. You knew that!
Talk to your husbands about your conserns. But he HAS to be the one to discipline her. If you do it, it will only cause more problems. Also - have her visit your family more, and make her apart of your family instead of being APART from your family.
Gods love to you in this difficult situation.
2006-06-18 17:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by Roses Abound 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yah thats not acceptable but it is very common. All the kids should be treated and disciplined the same. He's probably feeling guilty about not seeing her often and makes up for it like this. Let your kids do whatever they want when he is here and see how he likes it. Then point out that this is what he does with her and see if you can get him to realize this isnt going to work and he needs to change how he deals with the kids.
2006-06-18 17:20:43 · answer #3 · answered by babygirl_k2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Touchy situation. Obviously you don't like her much. She is the victim here. NOT YOU AND YOUR KIDS WHO HAVE A FATHER!!! She is the victim of a broken family. Be the adult and give her the love and attention she needs. Try to stop separating the kids into "his" and "mine". That's very hurtful. I'm sure it hurts your husband also. This child did not choose you. YOU chose to become involved with a man who has another child. He needs to be her daddy. Don't stop him from doing the right thing because you are immature and jealous.
2006-06-18 18:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by 4kidsmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children want boundries and are happier when they have rules and have to follow them. I know most kids wouldnt agree with that but then thats why they are kids. I have noticed that even kids that normally act out are happier and have more fun when an adult cares enough to make them do right. Kids who come from homes where the parents are not worried if they do right or wrong are normally unhappy and act out to get attention. I believe kids should behave. And our job as parents is to help them know right from wrong.
2006-06-18 17:23:53 · answer #5 · answered by cl4ssie_thorn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There needs to be some ground rules established as you also have a child. If there are no groundrules for her when she comes to visit, you will all be affected by her behavior. Set her in her place and she will thankyou for it later. Just use patience with her and be firm.
2006-06-18 17:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes trying to make up for lost time, if its only twice a year then you should deal with it and try and get along with her, you never know which road life can lead you in and one day your kids end up in the same situation
2006-06-18 17:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't get her way with everything especially violence. Depending how long the she's there for summer I would do what it takes to make her happy even if it is cooking what she wants.
2006-06-18 17:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by askmeguru21 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and hubby need to sit down and talk, it's fine to plan a special event while she's there, but house rules should be maintained
2006-06-18 17:25:00 · answer #9 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not being wicked and it should be dealt with before she gets older all kids should have the same rule wheather she is there twice a year are every day good luck
2006-06-18 17:23:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋