how do you find out about children you put up for adoption as babies birthmother needs to know?

Question

i gave up my two daughters when they were babies to give them a better life and now i want to know if i did the right thing and how they are and if they want to know me

Answer 1

If you know who the adoptive family is, contact the parents to ask. You could contact your agency or attorney who helped you with the adoption and they can contact the parents if the adoption was "closed records."
I agree with the person who said that the kids have the right to consider whether or not they want to have contact with you. It can be very traumatic to the adoptive family and the kids to have unexpected contact from a biological parent. Just like they should respect your wishes and privacy by not forcing contact on you, you should also respect their loyalty and love for each other.
Another way you can go is to register on a 'reunion database' (these are searchable through Google) and put your name on it. That way, if the 2 girls are also interested in a reunion/communication with you, they will be on that database and it will match you guys up.
Good luck!

Answer 2

There is a lot you need to consider before you do this. The children's age, why you gave them up, if they even know they were adopted, location, family religion, there feelings and the list goes on. If they are of a legal age and depending how old they are weather or not they may want to know you. There are always ways to find out things but I am almost certain that it is going to be very hard for you since your rights were legally terminated.

Answer 3

I'm not sure how the whole adoption system works, but it's best to contact the authority that deals with this and see what kind of information they can give you.

I think that even if your daughters are of age, then you still should contact their adoptive parents first. If they are happy to do it, you can discuss with them how your daughters may feel, if they know they were adopted, whether they want to know who their birth mother is, and other similar related things. This stuff is probably good to know before you go about contacting them personally, just so that you can prepare yourself. Just don't expect everything to be 'Happy Families' and don't be disappointed if they don't want to know you - they will probably have to come to terms with things too.

Answer 4

Umm, I would get in touch with the adoptive parents first, and ask them what they think first before establishing contact with their children. I know that biologically they are yours, but these are the people that your girls know as their parents and they should have a say in it. (Especially if they are under 18) However, if they are over 18 and out of their parents' house, they are adults and perhaps they would be open to the idea of a relationship with you. Good luck with this, and God Bless.

Answer 5

I THINK it depends on the age of the girls and whether or not it was an open adoption.The fact that you gave them up, even though it hurt you, means you did right.For whatever reason you gave them up, you knew it was best.And take it from a mom who has an adopted child....I love her the same as I do my children that I gave birth to.She IS my child as much as my other children and I love her the same!!!

Answer 6

There are lots of adoption support groups online that can help you. Never Give Up!


Great Articles
http://www.adoption-help.org

Support Groups:

http://groups.msn.com/theforgottenpeople...

Yahoo! Groups
http://groups.yahoo.com

SearchingRegistry
familytiesadoptionsearch
adoptee-support
soaringangels
usaadoptiondatabase
touchedbyadoption


Google Groups
alt.birthright
alt.support.adoption
alt.support.adoption

Source(s):
Never Give Up!