Is spanking a 16 yr old daughter appropriate disipline from her father?

Question

She's gotten a spanking twice within the last three weeks. My boyfriend spanked his daughter about three weeks ago for piercing her own nose. He also spanked her today. The reason for this spanking was because Friday night she left her mother a note saying she was sleeping overnight at a girlfriends house. Her mom was Pis###@@t, and called my boyfriend (the father) yesterday to come get her and he should deal with it. So today, he tells me he spanked her. I told him that was inappropriate discipline for a 16 year old girl. He should ground her or take something away for awhile that she would miss, etc. My BF told me he doesn't need me telling him how to discipline his kids. He has asked for my advice many times, but he didn't want to hear me say "he shouldn't spank her." I think she's too old to get a spanking. How do you spank a girl 24 hours after the fact?

Answer 1

Spanking a kid of any age is child abuse.

Answer 2

Okay, I'm twenty five with a three mo. old. I haven't had to go through all that with my baby yet..but feel like mom should have handled the situation as soon as it happened instead of making dad deal with the situation. I did some silly things at sixteen so I can see where the mom is probably feeling like she doesn't have much control...but I don't think it will help things to pass the problem off to someone else. The issue is between your boyfriend, his ex, and his daughter. You probably won't have a lot of say unless he does ask for advise. The situation should have been handled before his daughter made it to his house. The last time I was spanked was at age seven..I think by then I knew right from wrong and didn't need it. Her freedoms should be taken away the next time something happens..but the appropriate parent should deal with the situation when it happens... Your boyfriend and ex should sit down and have a talk about punishment and what should be done. Sorry your stuck in the middle..but I agree..sixteen is a little old for spankings. She's becoming a woman and when she does something wrong she is treated like a toddler..I think that would make me rebel even more. Hope this helps

Answer 3

You have received a lot of posts...more against spanking then for it. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. So here states mine…. I believe in spanking, timeouts and grounding. My rule of thumb with my children is “All I expect is respect!”
There IS a proper way to spank and I don’t believe in beating a child but I do believe in punishment. Every child has a different strength of character. So there for, each child should receive a different form of discipline.
I’m from Oklahoma and it is now no longer illegal to spank our children as long as it’s done in a proper manner. The proper manner being is on the butt with a belt or paddle. Our schools even spank with paddles and as parents we don’t have to give permission. Whether it is boy or girl getting the paddling there is always a witness (so no allegations can be made against the teachers.) What I’m getting at is girls in high school do get the paddle too and there is nothing wrong with that. Nor is there anything wrong with a daddy spanking his 16 year old daughter. Where or how do people come to believe that there is something sexual going on by a daddy spanking his child/daughter that has done something wrong? Should a momma not spank her boys? I don’t understand some people’s way of thinking!
I have 5 children, they range from 17 (girl,) 16 (boy,) 11 (boy,) 5 (boy) and 15months (girl.) All my children have different disciplinary actions (except for the baby.) My children get spanked, grounded and put in time out. We (their daddy and I) share the responsibility in disciplining. And yes my older children do still get spanked. Not very often but they do still get it. My son is 16 and he’s 6’2” and I’m 5’3” and I will still paddle him if needed. My daughter is tall than me also and the same with her if needed. We don’t do the bare butt thing (never have.) They have to bend over and grab their ankles or the table so only their clothed butts are getting spanked.
And speaking about "24 hours after the fact"….this is why my older children do even up getting spanked for something because we found out about after it has happen, whether it's been a day or a week. If they did something wrong their going to get in trouble for it no matter how long ago it happen.

Answer 4

I only have a three and a one year old, and I would hope I wasn't still spanking them at 16. 16 is a little bit too old to still be spanked.

There's either some bunched up anger in your boyfriend, or if somehow the spanking works for the 16 year old, then there's something wrong with her.

Answer 5

Absolutely Not. It is abusive and you should consider calling the police. The father in most states will be arrested for spanking or hitting children today. I know that is true in California. Good luck. Not that a 16 year old is a child. But especially a daugher is really inappropriate. He really needs to a wake call from a authority that he will listen to. He is doing serious emotional and psychological damage to his daughter. He is going to be hitting you next! I mean it! This guy has got to be turned into the police!

Answer 6

Spanking is rarely acceptable and does not repair anything. Speaking to her with care and good direction and instructions should be first. If this does not work, then removing privileges should be next. There is always counseling also. Spanking does more damage in almost all cases. Your BF needs anger management, and should not be allowed to discipline your daughter until he learns to behave himself. By then, she will probably be an adult. Get some professional help for yourself.

Answer 7

I guess my first question is, you guessed it, what did he spank her with? his hand? if so, that is very inappropriate. with a belt, it won't help much, spankings don't help kids beyond the age of 4 or so. they know right from wrong by then and spankings only teach them it's ok to hit to solve problems, in my opinion, hitting is never good punishment. you have to teach children to solve problems in non violent ways. before a child is able to reason, a slight spanking can define the authority figure. younger children can't understand right and wrong. even then I really have a problem with it, I think as a child , when enuf time had elapsed, I knew the whippings would be useless. and would be avoided

Answer 8

"suepooh23
42 minutes ago

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HOW can you spank at 16 year old anyways. that is wrong and i hope that CPS dotn get called because by law now you cant spank a child READ your laws"



I don't know where you live... there are still states that allow corporal punishment. I'm in Ohio and my father spanked my 15 year old brother (I'm 23, on my own, married with my own children). He called CPS and they told him that as long as he isn't punching him, hitting him with objects, throwing him into things (etc) it is allowable by law. 22 states still allow corporal punishment (ie. spanking) not only in the home but in schools as well. There are four districts in Ohio that I know of that allow spankings but it is more prevelant in the southern states.


With that said... I don't think it is appropriate for a father to hit his 16 year old daughter. Spankings past puberty start to cross into sexual acts if you ask me.

Answer 9

16 is WAY too old too merit a spanking. Especially for a girl. If she is out of control, there are other methods. By this time in her life, her parents should be able to reason with her by talking to her and and having real conversation. I think you're boyfriend is a very narrowminded and stupid man.
Yes, I spanked my kids when they were little, to get their attention when they were doing harmful things, but it's not a life time form of discipline.
I don't know how long I could be with a man who thinks that it's helping her to spank her.

Answer 10

You're right, at 16, the physical contact should be limited. She's big enough to fight back now :)

You spank a two year old for running into the street or climbing on a table ... something really dangerous. Spanking a half-grown woman for acting like a half-grown woman is pointless. He, or YOU, should try talking to her calmly and rationally. Explain to her that her life may not be heading in a good direction ... she'd be better off just following the rules and keeping the peace.

Maybe you should go around your boyfriend ... try being a friend she can depend on ... someone she can talk to and share what's going on with her personally. You may be able to make a big difference in her life. Good luck ;)

Answer 11

A 16 year old would care less if she got spanked by her dad. She's too mature. If he really wanted to discipline his daughter then he should talk to her about the problem or ground her like you said.