One of my friends with benefits is telling me that I'm only "taking advantage of her" What should I tell her?

Question

... So that she sees that is in our mutual interest to keep the relationship.

She has mentioned that she is interested in a more serious relationship.

Answer 1

You have to tell her what you really want to say, and mean it.

You cannot know if that is in your mutual interest, you can only say about your interest, but you have not the rigth to say about her interest. If she wants a more serious relationship, that's her interest, and that's what she will be looking after, and that's her rigth to do. As your rigth is to not accept it if that's not what you want.

So, you have to ask her, what's exactly the position about this, and tell her yours, then you both have a decision to make, she would say if she wants to keep this relation, or let it go, since this is not being what she expects about it.

The same to you, if she is decided to take this to another level, and you are not definitely for it, then you will have to get out of it.

You can only explain to her that you didn't mean to take advantage of her, and that what have happened between you two have been a mutual decision, and that she has taken it as it is, till now, as well as you have.

Answer 2

Well, if you both went into the relationship with the understanding that you would only be "friends with benefits" then you have not taken advantage of her or been deceitful. This is tricky, did the two of you have this understanding and was it vocalized? Some people leave these things unsaid and it later comes to bite them in the **** (or ***, for our American friends ;-)

From what you've told me I can discern two, possibly three things that have happened to cause this dilemma...

1) There was no mutual understanding.

You did not make clear enough the status and boundries of your relationship. This is of the utmost importance with a casual partner, because it's very hard to be intimate with someone and not become attatched to them emotionally in some way. If she was expecting something deeper, she might be seeing your more care-free attitude as taking advantage of her.

2) There was an understanding, but now she's falling for you.

Perhaps you did let her know and she understood at the time, but as I've said before, it's very hard to be intimate with someone and not develop at least some feelings...sooner or later one of the parties fall for the other. And that can be the fallout, when someone wants the relationship to change.

3) Something you did...

The only other thing that I can think of is a specific thing you may have done or said to make her feel cheap. True, she is a casual partner, but you can't just treat her like your car or stereo system. Have you done something to make her feel used? If you don't know, ask her...she'll probably tell you if it's been on her mind.

Just talking to her about the situation is the best way to go. No need to be all "soap opera" but respect her and what she says but respect yourself as well, be honest about your feelings.

Hope things turn out well.

Answer 3

One of the hardest and harshest realities we have to face is the truth about ourselves that in our wildest dreams we would not think possible about ourselves. So for the sake of argument, lets suppose her allegation is true. Let's assume that you wouldn't have her as a friend if those benefits were gone. In the face of such an allegation, an honest person would ask themselves if this were really true. Be honest, her benefits do benefit you, and you like that. If you are honest those benefits are a big part of your wanting this friendship. At least she believes that. Do you understand that? She believes the only reason you want her as a friend is because of the benefits she gives you. She feels taken advantage of. Words are not going to change that. Now we need to focus on what the benefit is that she benefits from by having you as a friend. You see it as give and take; she sees it as you doing all the taking. Either this is true or this is false. Your job is to convince her of the benefit you have that she needs. I loaned my parents $11,000, but when I saw they couldn't pay, I forgave the debt. It was an even trade, and probably not even that. How could I put a money figure on all the support and all they have put into my life? What was $11,000 in comparison? So in a friendship money is not the only currency. She needs to see that. Either you have a currency to bring to the friendship or you don't. Until you can convince her of this currency you bring her, she will never believe that your friendship is an even trade.

Answer 4

It is always the girl that does that "falling in love" stuff. It's hard for a girl to just do the sex thing. Not sure why but I think if you show a little more interest in her you can keep her interested but I think you will just have to put up with it. So my advice would be to tell her the truth, like "Yes I am taking advantage of you" ARE YOU? The truth truly is the thing to do in all situations in life. HA!

Answer 5

if she is telling you she feels taken advantage of it sounds like to me she wants more out of the relationship. I have been a friend w/ benefits before and it sucks sometimes because you know your not the only one the other person has been with. You might ask her what she feels this way for.

Answer 6

Well, Pimpin', if she feels as though she's being taken advantage of ask her: "Why are you still sleeping with me if you feel so mistreated?"

You should discuss some things with her since she does want a more serious relationship with you just be kind not harsh and mean.

Another thing dont lead her on into believing that ya'll have a future together even though you know that's not what you want

Answer 7

Friends with "benefits" - guess what? She's right - perhaps you are taking advantage of her. Decide whether you want her as a friend sans benefits or just a *uck friend. Either way muster up the guts and tell her the truth. She deserves at least that.

Answer 8

First, if she says you are "taking advantage of her" it is not in YOUR interest to continue this arrangement. It could be only time until she screams rape. You should tell her that she didn't have any problem spreading her legs but she can keep 'em together from now on and then run like h*ll.

Answer 9

Well i have a friend with benefits and we have made it clear with each other that we don't want anything more than the physical part other wise we would be bf and gf. So if you really like this persone and want to stay with them than take the next step and ask the girl or guy out.

Answer 10

Its not mutual interest if she feels you are taking advantage of her. Making love is suppose to be between two people who are in love with each other and are married. That's how God created it!