Witches: what secrets do you have to turn xtians who try to convert you into toads?

Question

Pagans, are you bothered by those pesky idiots who endlessly knock on your door, accoust you in stores and malls, trying to convert you into their version of xtionaity? You have been restraining yourself to long. Let er rip...turn em all into toads. Lets share here our favorite spells for turning em into the little reptiles.

Here's a hint : this is a joke people, just a joke...I'm taking some time off and trying to amuse myself. Wow you are all doing such a great job. I am getting some great laughs. Keep it up! :)

Hi Sspiderlegs: Thanks! Yeah wacky and weird! That's what I'm doing here..and getting great laughs as well..ah life is good..all about feeling good and oh do I feel good right now!

Hi Belle,
Yeah that's right, they do look like toads. Be careful, though, don't put yourself in harms way...some of these idiots are violent, my friend. Just have fun with them here, where its safe.

Answer 1

Ingredients:

cheerleader urine
4 wooden chalises
a bottle of white whine
a rock from the highest hill near you
the wing of an already dead butterfly

Instructions:
place cheerleader urine in a wooden chalise.
place wine in the rest
invite some friends, give the urine to the christian,
release the soul of the butterly from it's body and ask if you may use it's wing
place the butterly wing under the christian's seat.
after they realize their cup is filled with urine,
use the rock to jam up the spokes of their bicycle
so you can get away safely

Answer 2

Hmmm...Does it really matter? Personally I'm more afraid of people who beleive in the creation story than some imadgination driven person who has a fondness for fairy tales. Fairy tales aren't going to do anyone any harm, witch-craft doesn't work, so if they choose to believe it does then let them eat cake. Besides, I know a few 'witches' and they don't believe that. They are into the threefold effect, and sending out good feelings, that kind of stuff...They don't do anyone any harm, infact one of my friends has been wiccan for many many years and I don't feel the same need to shake her as I do with some of my christian friends. I can't believe some people believe that demon locusts will contribute to the end of the world...Or that the Davinci code caused so much controvery for what is essence was a beefed up fiction novel... Stop focusing on silly little things like this and try to think of what really causes the world problems...Never heard of a terorist witch have you? Wiccan's don't worship Satan. That's in idea spread by both hollywood and the Catholic church.

Answer 3

Ok, I like that question. I have been a witch/pagan since I was 13. I found that faith more comforting than any other. I too wish, from time to time, to turn SOME Christians into something. The ones the knock on doors, aka Jehovah witness, can drive you to madness. I like the eyes. Also show up at the door with pentacle on and a sword in hand, then all you have to deal with is the very christian behavior of slamming you behind you back.I have been harassed and screamed at, "praise Jesus a**hole", and egged. I only hang one more pentacle on my porch and smile. I am usually quiet.I have chosen to be solitary, but when provoked i display my religion proudly, I can't help if it annoys anyone. They come to regret annoying me. I live on a main street in a very tight laced christian community. Their own ignorance to anything different is their problem. My spell is pride. They look like toads when they make faces at my pentacles.

Answer 4

A witch put a curse on me once. No one told me, I just knew because some weird stuff was going on. No curse or so called Majik can harm God's own.

I asked God to spare the person's life but to show this person that God is not mocked and that there are people who serve a very real God - to put that curse back on whoever was doing this.

The next day I found out who it was. Someone I knew. She was in the hospital that night and had suffered a massive coronary requiring a quadruple bypass. It was me she called for and asking what she had to do to be saved.

The heart attack came at the same exact time I had prayed.

Sadly she didn't remain a believer - she was just scared and did not last because she was not sincere. She never tried to put another curse on me after that.

If she does again - God may not be so merciful.

Answer 5

Never had that happen. I'm not a witch either. But Pagans have nothing to do with turning people into toads. ANd it's impossible.

Answer 6

I see they bother you in here already. believe me, I know how you feel. but no turning them into froggies. poor real froggies would all go mad with them croaking about god...

many ways to keep them from coming around:
1) answer the door naked.
2) keep halloween candy at the door, and hand it out to them like they're trick and treaters.. even have a quick robe or cloak handy so you're dressed for it
3) get inventive. wacky and weird works better than dark/ satanic

good luck.

Answer 7

Well, I haven't turned any into toads. My toad-making wand broke. But I've noticed if I stare at them long enough without blinking, they get a little weirded out. Make sure you open your eyes really, really wide.

Answer 8

LOL Oh, how I wish...No, I don't really, but sometimes it'd be nice. I wish that they'd leave me alone, though. It'd be kind of nice to see 'em jumping around all green and squishable--but then, no, I'm afraid of frogs and will run away if one hops towards me. What about a beetle, instead? Why don't we find a spell to turn them into beetles? :-)

Answer 9

As much as it tempts me to curse the Xians, Its agaisnt my vow as a Wiccan. You can do a negativity reversal spell on yourself that would protect you from harm and send it back from whence it came. That's a loophole.

Answer 10

Tell them you're going to curse them by "blah blah blah" and a few weeks later they will show up moaning about their curse of "blah blah blah" no further effort required on your part. Christians are a superstitious lot. Silliheads. I once made a man impotent for 3 years just by telling him he was going to be. No spell, no curse, nothing. 7th Day Adventist. *nod me* I should have charged him to "undo" it, but I'm too nice for that.