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Question

I've been emotionally abused, verbally abused my whole life by my father. Then i met my boyfriend, and he did the same. I now have a negative response about men. I feel like their all the same. God has helped me through this, and i love him for that. But why do i have this negative towards them?

Answer 1

Fear and pain.

I would suggest continuing to ask God for help. And seek some counseling too!
It is not easy to overcome these things and your past tends to haunt you...but you can get past them!!!

Good luck!

Answer 2

When you listen to the garbage long enough, then you begin to believe it. You soon have a negative estimation of your self-worth. So when you ecounter another person who is abusive, you believe him, and accept him.

Rom 8:38-39
(38) For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
(39) Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Joh 3:16) For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

These verses should be the basis for your self-worth. Do not rely on the opinions of others to determine how you will feel about yourself. You see, God loves you very much, and His love is the only thing that matters. NOTHING can cause Him to stop loving you.

You have to break the cycle. Dump the boyfriend and don't look back. No matter how much he beggs and says that he loves you, leave him. I don't care if you think that you love him either, leave. (True love is not an emotion, it is a decision, a choice and a reaction.)

Before you begin another relationship, make a list of all of the qualities that you want in a husband. Make a long list. Consult your parents and friends as to what type of husband they think you should have. Your list should have two parts; one part for absolute requirements, and the other part for those features that are not required but would be nice to have. When your list is complete, determine to not settle for a man who does not meet every requirement. Never enter a relationship with a man without the intent to get married.

Before you begin dating, pay very close attention to everything that he does. Make sure that you meet his family on several occasions, and pay close attention to how he treats his mother and sisters; this will give you an idea of how he will treat you, only worse. That is the biggest problem today; young people hook up before they really know the other person. Remember, if he doesn't meet your requirements, and you can not mary him, then you have no business dating him either.

Every single man is a potential mate, you have to weed out the bad ones, and select from the best. Also, let God help in the decision.

This will seem mean, but you were partly responsible for moving too fast with your boyfriend. I know, he sweet talked you, and then he got what he wanted, and realized that he did not see anything special in you. He is scum.

Do yourself a very big favor, do not get sexually involved with anyone until you are married. You are already damaged goods, and you will cary that for the rest of your life. Each new sex partner outside of marriage causes more damage, so that by the time you get married, you will not be able to love your husband with your whole heart. When you find the right man, he will endure anything to be with you, even celabacy. In the end, you will have a very loving relationship with your husband.

Take your time, and let God heal you. He can give you joy and happiness. He can also introduce you to the right man to become your husband.

I have learned this from experience, and from talking with others.

Answer 3

U probably have this negativity towards them because of what happened with ur father and ur b/f. I get the same feeling to coz I had same problem with my Dad. But deep down I know they're not all like that in fact I have met some really good men. U just got meet the right ones. Maybe u should talked to a councilor about how ur feeling.

Answer 4

You're subconcious is still heavily scarred I would guess. I'm not a psychologist, and I won't pretend to be an expert, but you would be amazed at how much the subconcious affects your whole life. I think that your subconcious still thinks men will only abuse you, and while you may not think that conciously, whenever you meet a new boyfriend or whatever, your subconcious takes over temporarily and makes you feel that way. I'd suggest to see some help, and if you think believing in God helps too then keep up that.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You have mental scars from this there is nothing wrong with you.
When this type of thing happens one grows up with low self esteem.
The word of God holds answers for every problem man will face.
When a negative situation arises find a promise which fits your problem and think on it.
Romans 12:2 God tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
I don't know your situation but if you would care to email me I can pass on some information which will help.
Take care.

Answer 6

because they've obviously hurt you all your life.

Since your father abused you, you are trying to reconcile that relationship by being with boyfriends who treat you the same way. Unless you resolve these internal emotional issues, you will always be attracted to guys as abusive as your father.

While God may offer you spiritual support, only a therapist or psychologist can give you practical advice on how to change your understanding, behavior, or self-esteem. God bless

Answer 7

You have been hurt severly by men in the past and this makes it hard for you to trust again and can veiew the men all in same light, I know this because I was the same I was physically sexually, mentally abused by my father and I married the same, it has taken me years of counselling to learn to trust again and to learn not all men are the same, I have found a wonderful husband and I have a great family learn to let go of the past and start working on your future.

Answer 8

Well hello, I'm in the same position except that it was my mother (who sexually assaulted me as well) and first wife. In the end I just decided that all women were not like these two. Once I'd decided that, real people entered my life. Are you ready for a great life? Just decide. If it's too hard, fake it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Answer 9

Something you may need a psychologist to work through. You could go about trying to find a faith-based psychologist. They DO exist. :-) Psychology.com may have some faith-based psychologists that you could find locally. Or simply ask your pastor/priest if he or she is willing to work with you on this.

It is a unfortunate side effect from your years of abuse and torment by other men. You are recognizing it, which is the first step in your self healing. :-)

Answer 10

As a husband of a woman with a similar history I can tell you that it may be hard at times because your mind and emotions have been trained a certain way and reinforced over and over.

changing your your mind set is key to changing your emotions and your reaction to men and situations. the Bible says "renew your mind" pray that the Lord continue to renew your mind daily.
do not forget either that when you are Born again you are a new creation. that old mind set no longer fits you. be careful that you harbor no ill will or unforgiveness. unforgiveness will allow the enemy to come and go as they please and do as they please.

remember that all of us have wronged (sinned) and we are all in need of grace and forgiveness. when I remember what Jesus has forgiven of, its hard to hold negative feelings towards others.

Continue to seek the Lord and fight the good fight of Faith.

Answer 11

First off, congrats on finding peace with God. He can take away the pain. As for men, one day, you will find the right one...one that God has picked out for you, that will treat you right. You do not have to take bad stuff from men, but remember, all men are not like that. Good luck, dear one. You are in my prayers.