How do I deal with my 8 year old sons anger problems?

Question

He hits and kicks when he doesn't get his way or when something is bothering him. His father and I have been divorced all of his life.

Answer 1

He needs to see a therapist for his anger. Try enrolling him in karate. It is a very controlled way to get anger out. Other sports might help, too.
I would ask the Dr about having him evaluated.

Answer 2

DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS! It doesn't matter if you're divorced. You most likely won't give him what he wants for at least 6 months. He will continue to kick and scream. But, once he realizes kicking and hitting won't get him anywhere (except a punishment), he will soon stop. I know it will be hard on you. But, you need to go though winter to ge to spring.
You will feel like giving up. But don't! Make sure you don't give him what he wants. It will be hard on you. If you have to(and I know it will be hard), talk to the child's husband. Tell him that the child can't have whatever he wants (unless the father is darn rich). And if he doesn't agree, then you will explain to your son that he can't have whatever he wants when he is living with you.
The point is, he will put up a darn good fight. Send him to a room where he can't have any fun (no tv, computer, game system, etc.). He can kick and hit all he want at a pillow or something. But, after about 6 months, it will be easier. He will not do it as much. He will get to the point where he won't even do it and he will face the facts.

Answer 3

I'll be honest when I say I don't think it's the divorce that he never experienced.

I have an 8 year old son, who's father I am currently married to. My 8 year old is a middle born and he does have quite a lot of anger as well. He is very emotional, not just with anger, but will cry at the slightest adversity or obstacle. He has hypersensitive skin, and even cringes when I comb his hair. (no knots)

These are characteristics of the Autism Spectrum. His autism was evaluated to be Aspberger's Syndrome. A high function autism (not a drooling or spaced out person) with areas of specialty interests. His frustrations are usually the root of his anger, and we use a "cry it off, or yell it off" into a pillow in his room, once he's calmed down we go over what made him so angry. I can usually help him problem solve his delema.

Answer 4

I don't know how long this has been happening for, or what other issues that you may be having with your son, but have him see someone. Either the school counselor, or a private one if you'd prefer. I read the other answers, and I also have a son with an autism spectrum disorder, he has Asperger's as well. He has been recieving treatment since I've known, and I cry when I think about how it used to be...(anger, tantrums, etc.) I have so much to be thankful for now--- just knowing what to do to help him has changed our lives.
If this is a simpler problem, like discipline, or lack of male influence, a good counselor will help you sort that out, and make recommendations for a plan of action. Ignore the ignorant whoop his A$$ comments. I know that it may be tried and true for some, but your little guy has already got some things to work out-- don't risk adding insecurity to the list. As you explore your options, make sure he knows he can trust you. Also, talk to someone yourself. I know how uncomfortable and embarrassing it can be to have a child act out inappropriately.....people look at you like you are some sort of failure as a parent. I assure you that you are not---you are asking questions instead of blindly acting out in anger. Hang in there. See if you can find a group in your area for parents. It is soooo hard to feel like no one understands....especially when other peoples kids seem to "get it" and yours is screaming and yelling!! Hang in there, you;re not alone!!!

Answer 5

Definitely need to talk to a specialist in children. Anger problems in young children result in major problems later in life. If he's just hitting and kicking randomly it might not be such a worry. I remember throwing similar tantrums as a child of that age. But if he's physically hitting or kicking you, other adults, or other children things need to be done to stop him in his tracks. I can tell just by your concern that you're a good mother, however dscipline might be a major issue behind his lashing out. There has to be non violence in the home. So no spanking as punishment because that just teaches children that violence is how to rectify things.

Answer 6

What response do you give him when he does it? Are there any "rewards" that could be withdrawn, like attention your giving him when hes acting up?
Change your response to his angry behaviour, do something different to suprise him.

Try keeping calm because then he will just be shouting and screaming in a room by himself, thats what I do with my brother who also has anger problems.

I would really suggest looking up on the internet ways to deal with this because if he's doing it now he needs to grow out of it.


There are lots a tricks you can use to get your way, you just need to find them out and understand how his anger is affecting you BOTH. Its not an impossible situation I promise you.

Answer 7

You may want to have your son evaluated for ADHD. One of the primary symptoms of ADHD is poor impulse control. My son was showing exactly the same symptoms that your son is.

Having similar rules and discipline in both households will help a lot, too. Children need a lot of structure, and children with ADHD really can't be successful without a structured setting.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Have you thought about anger management classes? They offer classes like this for children of all ages. I would also like to know, how do you handle crises? Do you fly off the handle in front of him? You may want to start him with some behavior modification exercises. Is he used to you giving in to him when he acts out like this? If so, I would recommend that you start using positive and negative reinforcements. Punish him when he uses negative behavior by taking away something he likes and be consistent with it. If he shows positive behavior, reward him.

Answer 9

He doesn't need therapy or anything like that... You need to tell him that it's wrong and that you aren't going to allow him to do it.
Punish him when he kicks or hits... put him in time out, don't allow him to go somewhere, ground him from TV, whatever you need to do...
Make sure that you ALWAYS talk to him after timeout (or whatever you decide on). Ask him why he did it, tell him that it's not a good thing and he's not allowed to do that, tell him that he has to use his words and not his fists.
It works, I've dealt with it before...

Answer 10

Get him to write or draw pictures. Do not tolerate the anger with the hits and kick. Get him to talk it out. It's gonna hurt but he will be getting better at and please listen to him no matter what. Give him time to talk if he doesn't want to talk now.

LC