how do i get the thought out of my boyfriends head that i'm cheating on him?

Question

Hi this is our situation my boy friend has paranoid schizophrenia and no matter what i say or do to tell him that I am not doing any thing wronge his illness says that I am.I'm not, what do I do.his illness thinks that I am cheating on him.I am not doing anything wronge.He has been not talking to me all day and I don't know why.It feels like he hates me for doing absolutely nothing wronge.I feel like I am walking on egg shells.I feel like what am I doing wronge other then doing what he asks of me.What do I do?I don't go out of the house only to get groceries or to pick up our daughter from her grand parents.I feel hopeless.What do I do?please help help help!!!

Answer 1

Remember that you said his illness thinks your cheating on him. You need to have a heart to heart talk with him (when he's not having one of his "episodes") and tell him of the importance of his medication and his illness is not his fault and that consequences may involve you and daughter living apart from him until he cooperates.

Answer 2

Well, your boyfriend has an illness he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his life. Stop for a moment and put yourself in his shoes. You may be feeling this way but HE"S the one who's sick, how do you think he's feeling right now.

You need to be honest and get everything out in the open. Sit down with him and set him straight in a kind and affectionate way. Make sure he knows you love ONLY him.

If he can't deal with his illness and you in the proper way then the best solution is to get him help or leave him. I know it sounds harsh but the fact is, sometimes it can't be helped. His life may be hard but there's no reason why you need to make yours worse. Think of you daughter also and make the best possible choice you can.

My best advice is to talk to counselors, therapists, and people who have been in this situation before. Stating the obvious, this is not a good source for answers. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells because your boyfriend can't handle his illness, it's not your fault at all.

Answer 3

I’ve dealt with this very same thing, except my ex-husband has controlling borderline personality disorder. The saddest part is he hasn’t been diagnosed with this, so he can't/won't fix it. I couldn’t go ANYWHERE and I mean anywhere without being accused of cheating. He is one of the most sweetest and thoughtful people around, but then on the drop of dime he could turn into the most paranoid person around. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I asked him to leave. He didn’t want to do it but I couldn't live with the constant fear of going to bed and waking up to WWW3. And, not being able to live, or going anywhere without having the smallest thing turn into a war. The best advice I can give you is get a strong support system, let someone know about this problem. Because you may end up blaming yourself or worse, believing his accusations. You have a daughter and she needs you to be the best Momma you can be. That’s hard to do if you’re constantly defending yourself. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

This could be a potentially dangerous situation. The first thing that comes to mind is that you need to get out of there with your child NOW. You will develop your own mental illness if you have to live in this situation much longer. You don't realize it but the constant fear you are feeling is doing harm to your body and releasing chemicals that are normally only released in the most extreme conditions such as combat. It's unfair to you to have to live this way and it's also really bad for your child. Find a local shelter for women and children and tell them what is going on. If you are unable to find a women's support line in your area go to the police. I know all this sounds drastic but what you wrote breaks my heart. I know you love your boyfriend but he needs to know that you cannot live this way forever. Once you are in a safe environment then you can try to make sure he is taking his medication properly and if he isn't then you need to have him contact his Doctor right away to see what can be done to help him. But honestly, it may not be anything any medication will ever be able to fix and in the meanwhile your life is in danger. You have taken a fantastic first step in reaching out but I don't even know where you are to help you find somewhere to go and be safe. Please try to find help in your community. I'm so sorry for the three of you but you need to think of you and your child FIRST.

Answer 5

First, you should remember all relationships start with TRUST.
1.If he cant trust you how would you be able to

Ex: Just leave to go to grocery store, without questioned?

But, if you love him enough to work real hard through it,

Suggestion:
1. Ask him how he would think of doubting you?
( Remember to listen openly)
2. Prove it. Take him somewhere or suprise him with a romantic something he would love.
3. And have him prove he is responsible with his medications to calm and prevent episodes.-His mental doctor can provide counseling and suggestions.

Good luck. Keep Trying or Say "I love you, but it starts with trust."

Answer 6

if you sacrifice your life to his illness in the vain attempt to keep him happy - all you accomplish is a load of depression - and it wont help his illness either if you collude with it

perhaps some time apart may be what is needed for YOU to gather your own strength in living with that situation (not leaving him but getting some distance from his illness)

also is he taking his meds regularly? if he is skipping some then that may cause some of his paranoia to kick in

Answer 7

I think you have a good heart whoever you are. To overcome the stigma and date him-- I think your values are great. Not that I'm trying to say that mentally ill people are ahead of the game, what I'm trying to say is you gave him a chance and that's good. But to answer yer question-- Pray.

Answer 8

Are you sure you want to be dating this guy? Sounds like bad news to me.....

Answer 9

Just stop thinking of him

Answer 10

sounds to me like he realizes that the woman he has is too good for him and it scares him