My bf and I have been dating for four months now......?

Question

My bf and I have been dating for four months now. Our relationship has been rocky for the last two. We have endured a pregnancy (which I have since terminated) and an ex-gf that has recently made it known that she wants to get back together with him. I know that I am not the easiest person to get along with. I am an emotionally/verbally abusive person and he has bore the brunt of it: name calling, yelling, hanging up the phone on him, cursing at him etc... He delivered an ultimatum yesterday: Either change or we're through. He is a great guy and has stuck with me through it all. The problems is that I have been hurt so many times in past relationships and I am extremely afraid of getting hurt again. I feel as though I am intentionally sabotaging the relationship through my actions. I've even told him that he is free to return to his ex-gf but he refuses. He keeps saying that he wants to be with me but only on one condition: my behavior has to change. He has even suggested we seek counseling. Could someone please provide me with advice in dealing with baggage from past relationships?

Answer 1

I hope u ignore all the judgmental stuff people say on here...there are things in life that people can't "just get over"...if life was that easy! And whatever u do ...do not take a 3 day break...that will solve nothing...

I think that u're really insightful. It's good that u recognize where some of ur behaviors are stemming from. I'm guessing that u experienced some type of abuse in the past as well...it's usually learned behavior...

I hate to sound repetitious... but I'm a therapist and I do highly recommend counseling, probably individual sessions (1 x /week) with collateral involvement (aka. ur boy can join u in session 2x a month). You should shop around for a therapist and find someone who is a good match. Make sure he or she does a really thorough assessment ( anxiety, depression etc. may play role in what's going on too). And perhaps more importantly make sure ur boyfriend understand that things do not change overnight...it sucks that he gave u an ultimatum but it's obvious that he cares about u (and screw that last girlfriend...he's over her)...just make sure he understands that this will be a process and one that will be worth it in the end...for when you have children too....so you don't pass down abusive habits....

Answer 2

There is no easy solution. You really should find yourself a good therapist and work through your issues BEFORE you try to get serious with anyone.

It is wrong for you to be abusive to someone who cares about you. You can't blame him for other's past sins.

Get a counselor. You may have to see a few to find the right one but it is so worth it because if you don't fix yourself now, you will probably never have a good relationship.

Your guy must have some pretty good character if he was willing to give you a choice and not just walk.

BTW...a lot of people get into a pattern where they are either being abused within their relationships or are the abuser. Either way it keeps you from being fully committed. It is a bad and painful cycle. Get the help so you can find happiness.

Answer 3

Wow you've been through a lot in 4 months. But 4 months isnt that long of a time. You sound like your stressed a lot. You seem like a very caring person but your just afraid of getting hurt. Why dont you just talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Now for the baggage relationships just relax and have fun and try to forget about all the bad things just focus on the good things. Treat yourself for a day and chill out. Tell your boyfriend you love him. He must love you cause he hasnt left yet after everything.

Answer 4

12

Answer 5

Well to tell you the truth you shouldn't base this relationship on the ones you had in the past. BECAUSE i understand you have been hurt in the past but you cant be afraid that every other guy is gonna hurt you like the others have you have to trust your boyfriend because obviously he doesnt want to hurt you in any way he seems like a nice person yall have been together for a while so if you think counsiling will help then talk to him and see what he thinks about it

Answer 6

He's right, you need to chage your behavior. You have only been dating for four months, and are acting like this. A counselor may be of some help, but the real help will only come from you. You are holding onto the pain and problems of past relationships because it gives you a sense of control. You are lucky that he has put up with your behavior. I am willing to bet that you may actually have some type of depression that allows you to behave in this manner. You are going to have a miserable life if you don't change, please seek some help, and try to heal yourself from within.

Answer 7

You need to deal with all your past emotions - come to terms with them and let them go. You need to realize that there is no excuse for verbal abuse and you need to stop yourself and control yourself when you feel you are about to blow up.
Since you say that you have a lot of emotional baggage from being hurt - it would probably be good for you to get into counseling. A counselor will work with you to clarify your feelings and get over what has happened.

Answer 8

miss lady it sounds like you have got a good man but if you want to keep him you must not bring your pass Chico stick in your relationship with him and stop being so mean to him calling him names hanging up on him yelling and for God sacks stop using bad words it sound like you are not going to be happy until you have ran him off you've already said his ex wants him back don't let your mouth tire you a new awhole that you can't carry ease up on your man before it's too late. As for that baggage from past relationships why should this man have to pay for your pass you better forget about those relationships or be lonely girlfriend

Answer 9

He has given you the best advice you can ever get... GET COUNCELING!!

If not, then kiss this relationship and any future relationships goodby... Because you are not going to be up to it, as you say, YOU sabotauge each thing because you are immature, and are self destructive in nature.

You already killed your child, and now your killing your relationship with a good man. He is willing to overlook a lot of stuff, but, somethings have to come to an end, and if you dont take his advice, your are going to be the worse off for it.

Grow up and get the counceling you need. "He" is ready to stand by you, and you cant find that in too many men, (he must really see something in you, that obviously you dont, and wants this to work).

I shall pray for you...

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 10

the decision on LDR's (lengthy distance relationships) is amazingly divided. There are some who say it truly works, some who say it doesn't. some say absence makes the middle bypass fonder. some say out of sight, out of recommendations (and coronary heart?). on your case, that is plausible that the 4 month hiatus brought about issues to bypass the way of the second one saying. Any relationship must be worked on for it to save going. Being aside calls for even more effective attempt from both activities to save it going. that is in all likelihood that you've got here across some thing about your relationship in those 4 months - that you're not any further that in love including your bf and would stay with out him inspite of each thing. it should be a good suggestion to work out one yet another once back, spend high quality time, then attempt to save in additional effective consistent contact once you need to be aside back. It doesn't might want to be a telephone call commonplace. attempt to get more effective creative. communicate with him about this in order to be a joint attempt. in case you both truly have the opt to make the relationship, you'll both make an attempt.