Stepfamily- My boyfriend doesnt want to live with my 15 (troubled) son anymore...says he just cant handle it..

Question

My son has bevavior problems and is destroying the family. He has no repect for anyone -lies, steals, smokes weed, is out all night, wrecks things, has terrible hygine, wont follow rules, wont think for himself..and now he wont listen at all. We are tired of locking up everything and dealing with this day after day. Now my commonlaw says thats it- he doesnt feel safe and cant live like this anymore. He gives up and wont help me with the 'behavior management' the psycolgist recommended. He says its my problem. I recently caught him flirting via email with a woman at his work- he says he did it because hes not happy at home. I though about just leaving but my son is even WORSE when im alone with him...and we recently decieded to have a baby and Im 2 months pregnant. I dont feel I can handle my son alone and I dont want to have this baby alone. I cant help but think that my spouse is a jerk for putting this all on me and then flirting (cheated 2x before) Been togther 4 yrs

Answer 1

1) your unborn child needs to be your #1 priority right now. Stress is not good for the fetus and if your son gets violent with you, you could lose the baby.

2) Your son should be your #2 priority - you've obviously been through some rough times and made some parenting mistakes along the way. Get him the help he needs while you still have some legal authority over him! It will be difficult, but in the end, you'll most likely be glad you did it. Your son needs major help, and you and your bf are obviously not capable of handling it- you need outside resources. Here's a list of some websites that might help:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=teen+out+of+control&btnG=Google+Search

3) Your boyfriend should also consider the unborn child HIS #1 priority, and so should be sticking around to help you stay safe. However, if he's a liar and cheater, then you already know that you (and the baby) can not count on him, so you may need to let him go. It will be one less stress in your life.

Answer 2

What made you decide now would be a good time to have a baby if he has cheated twice and there have been problems at home?
I would say your son needs professional help.
As for family dynamics, there are going to be a lot of changes no matter what happens with your common-law. A baby on the way and all is a lot for your 15 y.o. to adjust to. Has he been diagnosed with an actual behavioral condition or is this just a teenager with a rocky life acting out? You can't blame your son, he needs some space and to feel in control of his life too. He is almost a young man.
You can take control of your household though.
One suggestion is a family mediation. You can find programs for free in a lot of communities. A mediator will sit down with you and your son and your common law and let all of you be heard and respected. Then you can start discussing creative ways to make sure all of your needs and concerns are met.
If your common law is about to leave then he may not be a willing negotiator but it's worth a try.

Answer 3

You remember when your son was just a baby and you took care of all his needs? You promised within your heart to love him unconditionally for the rest of his life, and to put him first. Well, guess what? he is still your son, baby or not! You need to ditch this guy as soon as you can. I know from personal experience that if you don't your son will hate you for a long time. Maybe your son and this common law husband of yours don't get along. Try to look at it from your son's point of view. Maybe you will understand why. He is a teenager and teens all go through this kind of behavior. Its normal. Ditch the guy and pay more attention to what your son needs.

Answer 4

Are you, yourself, in counseling?? If not, you to need help too, not just your son. If your common law has already cheated on you twice, it is not your son that is the problem in the relationship. It is your common-law. I know you said you don't want to raise this baby by yourself, and that your son gets worse when you deal with him alone. But you are already doing this on your own. He has already told you that it is your problem and that he has given up. In a relationship, the two people must be in it for better or worse.. and from what you have said, he isn't in it at all. You may be able to deal with your son better if you get your own life in order first.

Answer 5

Whatever happens, your son is everything. But if he continues to do these same things you described, one of these days, the law is going to catch up to him and he will expect you to bail him out. He knoes better, he knows right from wrong. If you care anything about your relationship with both your son and boyfriend, you would do whatever you can to make both relationships work. Good luck

Answer 6

yea your son may have behavior problems but i dont think you boyfriend shouldve left you while your 2 months pregnate your son probly has problems at school or maybe theres some at home that you dont know about he needs you try to find out if thers going on and ask him what alls happened during the day im not saying your not a part of his life but try to be there as much as you can im 15 and my mom hasnt talked to me in 3 months and told my cousin shes leaving and never coming back she dont relize how muck shes hurting me and i wish i could tell her now but she wouldnt give me her number and me and my dad never talk hes always in his room and im in mine i take my lil sis out side and i know her better than he does so no he dont know what goes on out side his bedroom door im giving you an example of my family and im not a bad kid but im not good either i cuse,drink and smoke sometimes the way i live got me that way i see money laying around and i take it im 15 too so see they dont know what goes on maybe you dont either try to talk to him i wish my parents would try to talk to me sometime if you want me to talk to your son maybe i can help because im 15 and i know more about teenage life than some one that you take him to my email address is [e-mail] if you want me to talk to him.that guy that your seeing is a jerk and you need to leave him and find someone better.

Answer 7

You needs to find someone that can love you and your son, that can show the both of yous love and understanding and do things together!

Answer 8

Leave this guy. Find some one who will take your family for what it is. The guy your with is a jerk, and wouldn't be a good father to either child.