Straightforward honesty or only "nice things to say"?

Question

Do you believe it is right to encourage others to only say nice things and avoid giving negative criticism even though it's only honest?

Answer 1

Assuming that your goal is to help the person get better and improve his/her life, positive comments are usually the way to go.

Negative criticism often goes against that goal. For example, sometimes boyfriends tell their girlfriends that they look fat. The boyfriends claim that they are trying to motivate their girlfriend to lose weight. However, the negative comments often have the opposite effect. The abused girlfriend ends up feeling worse about herself and therefore has less motivation to take care of her body. So, in this case, and in many others, negative criticism doesn't actually help things to get better.

In some cases, people actually can improve because of negative criticism. For example, I am a teacher and a teacher educator, and I often get observed while teaching or observe teaching. In this case, negative comments can help the teacher know how he/she can change. However, positive comments are important too, in this case, because we want to know what we can continue doing. Notice that, if negative criticism is used, it's a specific situation where the criticism was solicited, and we should only comment about behavior ("you spoke too quickly"), not a direct comment about the person ("you're a bad teacher"), because, again, direct attacks don't make the person want to improve and don't really give any information on how they can improve anyway.

So, I'd say in most cases, positive comments will help people to change in the ways that you want more than negative. I believe that's what the proverb "You catch more flies with honey..." is talking about. In the rare cases where a person asks for negative criticism, using tact can help, but I don't think you should offer negative criticism unless they ask for it.

Answer 2

Negative criticism may be honest, but if there's nothing good that can come of it, sometimes I think it's better left unsaid. I was brought up by the rule, "If you can't say something good, don't say anything." I don't think that's always the best policy, but if it's hurtful and in no way helpful, I don't think there's any need to be cruel for cruelty's sake. But criticism can be constructive; we can hear what we're doing wrong so that in future we can do things better. That's necessary sometimes, especially in a business setting. Sometimes in personal situations, though, I think it's better to stay out of other people's business unless we're specifically asked, and then, again, to make negative comments only if they can actually result in something good.

Answer 3

If somebody *asks* for an honest opinion, they should be *prepared* for an honest opinion. Which might not be what they really want to hear.

If you only want people to say nice things to you.....then make that request up front.

If you are the one giving the advice, however, you should always be sensitive to the fact that you are talking to a real human being, with real human feelings. If you have something negative to say.....you should at least try to word it in as kind and constructive a manner as possible.

Answer 4

I believe that there is a difference between constructive criticism and just criticizing some one. When offering constructive criticism, one should give an alternative course of action. People who criticize just like to hear themselves talk.

Answer 5

Its right to be honest, to speak as you find. That being said, sometimes I think you have to be kind. That doesn't mean lying necessarily. It just means saying things in such a way it doesn't get too negative.

You can undo someone's confidence with a few 'honest' words. You can hurt someone terribly with a few 'honest' words. So honesty when its appropriate, kindness when its appropriate. And I don't mean condescending kindness. I think there is almost always a positive few words to find if you want to find them.

Answer 6

You should tend to be a little more nice than critical even when they ask for your opinion. Sometimes the question they are really asking is not really what they are asking. Sometimes they are really just asking if they are okay. Also it depends on the situation. If she asks you how does she look in this dress when she is just trying it on in the store, then you tell her straight up what you think. If she asks how does she looks in this dress when she is already at the party, then the question translates to something like "Am I okay?". The answer to that one is "You look great!".

Answer 7

Using tact and diplomacy is far better than flat out criticism. When an employer would say to me, this part of your work has tremendous merit, however you need to focus a little more in this area. That is constructive criticism . A friend saying that suit you are wearing is not flattering to your figure, rather than you look fat in it, would be using tact and diplomacy.

Answer 8

It is right to encourage but if negative comments are necessary, it's best to phrase them as kindly as possible. I like honesty myself (if it's said politely) but others don't. You'll have to use your own best judgment as situations arise. Somedays it's better to say nothing rather than something.

Answer 9

Straightforward honesty.

Answer 10

No. I think you should eventually tell the truth. I mean of course you have to be careful how you tell it, but you need to be always honest, sooner or later.