wrong decision??

Question

my girl and i have been together for 6 yrs and she told me she was ready for marriage and i was over joyed. but i told her that she needed to get her own place for 6 mos. to learn some responsibility and to understand what it's like to be on your own. that way she will appeciated life a lot more. she has never lived on her own. she never even bought a car on her own .she is 25 years old. i cook and clean and take care of our son all of the time-alone. and i'm the bread winner. I never get so much as a thank you. if i don't cook or clean she just asks why? i told her she didn't appreciate a man like me and if she was on her own she would have to do all this **** BY HERSELF!!!. i told her that i still love her but life can teach her lessons that i can't. i told her i still want to be a couple & i would be there for her. but since she's had her own place she won't half talk to me and plays games with me seeing my son!! i didn't intend for this to become a game only a learning experience

Answer 1

Right with you there buddy...

Answer 2

WOW!
Do you have an older brother by any chance? ; )

I think you are on the right track - It sounds like she's been spoiled her whole life. Maybe another, less intimidating (or expensive) option might have been for her to volunteer at a battered women's shelter or a non-profit child care center, so she can see how too many of us have had to live and raise our kids on our own.

What you have proposed makes sense but is a bit risky, as you appear to be finding out. I'd suggest some counseling at this point, because the two of you seem to need someone neutral to mediate at this point, for your son's sake.

Of course, no one's perfect, so I hope you truly have an open mind to whatever issues she feels you might have and are willing to work on those. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

you've been together for 6 years
You have a child together
and YOU are the one that chose to cook and clean and work and let her do nothing. You dont set a standard for a relationship and then just up and decide that it's time for your girl to grow up and take some responsibility. Too late to fix your mistake now, just apologize and tell her you want to marry her now, if she'll still have you, and try to agree that she will do some of the cooking and cleaning and childcare, but if she says no its your own dam fault.

Answer 4

But now u know. She plays games. It will get worse after marriage. Are u sure you want to get involved?

BTW -- you have set up a parent-child relationship with the woman u love. You do for her, she's unappreciative, she complains when u don't, she tries to punish u with bad behavior, she manipulates and uses u. It doesn't sound too healthy.

Be careful. Life is too short for self-imposed stress.

Answer 5

Nobody should get married or have children until they've lived by themselves and taken care of themselves for at least a year. You need that time to understand who the heck you are and to learn about financial responsibility. That's just my opinion.

Answer 6

You asked for it. You told her that she wasn't good enough for you when you told her to get her own place for a while. I think that there is more to this story than meets the eye, but as I said you asked for it. She came to you looking to get married, and you pulled the rug out from under her feet. Why on earth would you have waited for her to approach you about getting married, instead of you asking her??

Answer 7

I applaud you for be a great father to your child. I am glad you told her to get a place of her own to become more responsible. If she cant handle living alone and being responsible then she cant handle being married. Good job!!!

Answer 8

good thinking and , i guess you have all our support,
living on your own for a while makes you a good resource manager (money, time, friends) as well as living "under the same roof" with your future wife/husband is a step to take in order to see if you would get along.

Answer 9

all you had to do was put your foot down and let her do things for herself. letting her live on her own was a mistake. anyway now you will both know if you are ready to spend the rest of your lives together.

Answer 10

You didn't do anything wrong she just need to drow up and be a woman. It sounds like to me she is spoiled and u got her that way. Just stand ur ground and she will come around and know she got a good thing. Keep ur head up

Answer 11

Wow she sounds immature. You already have a kid, you don't want a 25 yr old one, do you? I'd say find someone who deserves a good man like you.