. I am in a relationship right now where I am engaged, I'm 20 years old but I am realizing now that i am not truly happy, I love his family and am very used to the way things are already and don't really want to change everything about it; but I want to explore more and go to parties, drink and hang out with friends whenever I want but I know that I love him and we have a 9 month lease right now together on an apartment still. He also brings up the flaws in my past that I wish would just go away and it bugs the crap out of me. I need help on what to do.
2006-06-18 06:57:15 · 17 answers · asked by Tara 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Perhaps you could wait out your lease, and let him know that you will be moving on.
It doesn't sound like marriage is meant for you and he. Sometimes we (as women) get ourselves comfortable and think we have to marry the guy. But..if it is not really working out for you now, it won't in 2 years, or 10.
It sounds like you want your freedom. You should take your freedom, as a young person, and run with it! It is fun to be a 20 year old, and you should live life to the fullest before you are older, and really ready to settle down a bit.
Good luck!
2006-06-18 07:05:58 · answer #1 · answered by Toolooroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have doubts now it will only get worse later, not to mention if you start involving kids, then you will be stuck!!! If he truly loves you and is considerate of your feelings then he will wait for you or wait til the time is right. 20 is still young so why rush anyway....Just think you want your ideal marriage to be with someone you truly love/happy with and someone you don't mind spendin the rest of you life with. You want to get married and have a family when your ready not to feel pressured into it. Everyone also wishes they could get it right the first time and make their relationship work, because struggling with a failed relationship is no fun. So if your not 100% sure of what you want, then give yourself time, talk to him (who knows maybe he feels the same way) let him know you still love him, but your just a little uneasy about how things are going. Don't ever go into something that your not sure about, because the outcome usually isn't very good. I wish the best for you and your boyfriend.
Be Blessed!!!
2006-06-18 14:18:48 · answer #2 · answered by AAP0305 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Niether of you are ready to get married yet. If he keeps tossing things about your past in your face, he is showing you what you can epect from him say 5 or 10 yrs down the road. It is a form of control, and it will destroy the marriage at some point. At the same time you are wanting to go out and raise some hell. You are showing that there are things in life that you want to experience, and if you don't do some of those things you will eventually feel resentment. You both need to sit down and talk about these problems, because a divorce is a very potential problem in your future. I am not attacking or insulting either of you, but I would like to say that you both are a little immature to get married right now. Marriage is a major commitment that should not be taken lightly.
2006-06-18 14:08:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your point, I think you still to young and haven't taste life. You want to be free to do what you feel will be fun for you. In my opinion you are right. A young woman need to experiment with life, hang out with friends, go out to the club, drink, do all the fun things young people like us do. I am 22 yeard old, and enjoy life to the point I got bored of going out...you will get there. I hope your fiance understand you and give you the freedom you deserve. If he can't see this stage of your life, and you still feel like you need to enjoy your life, the best thing for you to do is call the relation over and move on, he is not the only man in the worl and I bet you would find some other guys in the future. Good Luck.
2006-06-18 14:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by malee198310 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK you say your engaged. If a date has been set postpone it as quick as you can. I'm sure you can come up with a reasonable enough reason. BUT It may be better to just fess up to your boyfriend that you need some time. And explain that you are starting to question if you both are ready. Telling him that by his bringing up these flaws as you call them is showing you as you understand it that maybe he is not ready. And with you now thinking / believing this you now need some time to just look at things. The way you talk I'd say that your not 100% in love with this guy. And JUST this is reason enough NOT to marry him. NOT at this time anyway. If he cannot except this then I'd say that he isn't totally in love with you and as such all the better and just call it off. Good Luck and PLEASE Don't rush into this.
2006-06-18 14:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your bf was right about bringing the past flaws back, its not usually a negative sign in relationship, its rather postive. What he is doing is strengthening the relationship. He is open minded and determine to help you to regain from your flaws. Now I know out of my experiences with many people I know that relationship can get really boring after awhile because same thing happens over and over again. What your bf needs to do, is to do something totally not his style or not himself. Something that is out of the blue, something he never ever done before. That will spice up the relationship because its something new between you two, its not just him doing this, you also got to do it to, to improve the relationship between you two.
2006-06-18 15:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you can do is see if you can get him to sit with you and see if you can sort things out, and talk to him more regular and let him know how much you love him and ask him to stop using your past agaisnt you ,let him know how much you love him but will like a spare time to enjoy yourself in parties with your friends but make sure not to stray and go party with another fella,then your love life will be on hold .have a strong mindset and live a little
2006-06-18 14:12:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you arent ready to commit. If you love him go for it and if you dont dont. Sure youll be able to go to parties still maybe not as much and you wont be able to makeout with other guys but youll have a nice guy to come home to. And you will still get to see your parents and family. And the thing about him bringing up flaws and that he bugs you alot, consoling
2006-06-18 14:09:49 · answer #8 · answered by beach babe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU ARE TRUELY NOT HAPPY WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP YOU AND HIM SHOULD SIT DOWN AND HAVE A LONG TALK MAYBE GETTING ENGAGED AT THIS EARLY AGE WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS EXPERIENCE LIFE FIRST BEFORE SEATTLEING DOWN IS NOT FOR YOU AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE AND IF THIS PERSON CARES FOR YOU HE WILL WAIT FOR YOU UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO COMMIT. WHAT IAM TRYING TO SAY IS YOU CANT EXPLORE AND HAVE FUN AND STILL EXPECT TO STAY ENGAGED TO THIS PERSON I DONT THINK IT IS FAIR TO HIM OR TO YOU . IF THIS PERSON KEEPS BRINGING UP STUFF THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST TELL HIM THAT IT IS IN THE PAST AND NOW THIS IS THE FUTURE AND YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENED ALONG TIME AGO I SUGGEST YOU BOTH SEEK MARRIAGE CONSULING BEFORE THE BOTH OF YOU GET MARRIED OTHRWISE ALL THE THINGS THAT BUG YOU NOW ABOUT THIS PERSON WILL KEEP BUGGING YOU UNTIL YOU GO I HOPE THIS HELPS NAD
2006-06-18 14:09:01 · answer #9 · answered by Ann C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel about him bringing this up like that and if you really love him then you 2 can work through it and you can still do all those things with your friends just not every single night because you a your boyfriend will need some alone time trust me things will work out if try but if your not really happy then see how long you can pospone the wedding and see what you really want
2006-06-18 14:04:29 · answer #10 · answered by smartypants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋