Should I cut my family off?

Question

It's a long story, but basically my family has always asked for money and wanted things from me. I have paid their rents, given them vehicles, and still tried to make do for myself. Almost none of them work or want to, and I am so sick of it.
Recently, I was hounded by my mother to leave my husband. I didn so, and left myself and two small children without shelter for a while. NONE of them offered help, or said they had no money to help me out. I was so frightened. I now am back on my feet, my husband is back, and I have a car that I own. The car is registered and insured by my stepfather, who did actually help me out doing that. (He is not related by blood). Now in the past week, my brother and girlfriend have asked for money, asked to use the car twice, and my mother says their car is broken down, so I will have to give them (1600 dollars I paid) the car that is in my stepfather's name!!! I am struggling here, people. I am so ready to just move to another state!

Answer 1

Yes, if you think it will help. Your duty is to your family, which is made up of your husband and two children. You must remember to always take care of yourself first. You must also remember that you owe your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. nothing. You don't have to "pay them back", no matter what they say. The way a healthy family works is that you "pay it forward". They took care of you, you take care of your children, and one day, your kids will take care of their kids, etc. I'm sorry that you folks think it is your job to help them. It isn't. If you can live with just offering them conversation and advice, do that. But if that proves too hard, cut them out. You will be relieved in the long run, to have less stress, more money, and ultimately, more self-respect. Good luck. This won't be easy.

Answer 2

I have been in your situation. Evidently, these people do not think about the fact that you worked many days to obtain the money they ask for and use like it is a sandwich. They will never help you because they are users. They do not value or respect you.
Bottom line is that you no longer have money to loan them. "I am sorry...I do not loan my car and I don't have money to loan you. If they act indignant or pleading just say "I am sorry that you feel your needs are greater than my own. I can not help you but wish you luck".
Moving will do you no good...they will still hit you up for cash. Stick to your guns and put that extra money in an account in the event that you need help in the future.

Answer 3

You have to look long term. It's hard to see now, but you're not really helping them by giving them handouts. If you want a place to start, maybe ask them why they need money so much. Then try to help them understand how to save better or be smarter about their own money.

They're not going to like this, but it's the best thing in the long run for all of you. Good luck.

Answer 4

Very sory for that !!
Back to the point of view...
POLLYGAM FAMILY
You have to ask yourself about back ground of your's even your biological parent's before any decision right .
Do you recognaise that HAPPNESS is better than MONEY if so , have to choose where to go !
NB. Food, Shelter ,Clothes as well as treatment are the basic needs to human especial elders .i.e. your Parent's
Also it's not good to think for return to what u offer so far .
NOW IT'S TIME TO BUILD YOU OWN FAMILY.
PLEASE BE SERIUSLY ON THIS
BECAUSE IT'S YOUR TASK.....
Now just forget the past and then express/reveal your life priciples ,make sure that everyone obey the principles
for more detail {[e-mail]}

Answer 5

You are riddled by insecurities. You feel guilty putting limits and saying no. Why go to extremes, if by cutting them off, you mean cutting ties with them. Just stop giving money. If they then stop talking to you, that should make some thhings very clear. You are being taken advantage of and abused by them. Let your husband help with setting limits, and never put him second to them. Your family now is your husband and children. People who care about you would not treat you like you're being treated. Say No. Give no explanations or apologies. If you really can't do it, even with your husband's help, see a therapist.

Answer 6

Wow, that really sucks. I mean I would say to just tell them "No, I can't help you, because you didn't help me out" - but the fact that your mom is asking you for that car back, that makes everything so much worse.
Can you talk to your stepfather and ask him to put the car in your name?
If not, then I think you need to tell your mom "You haven't been there for me, and this just shows that you don't care. I'll give you the car back, but I'm also going to leave and never talk to you again, unless you show me somehow that you care, by turning this situation around."

Answer 7

moved out from there...as far as u can...as much as u love them, u need to know that u can only help them if u urself are doing fine...if u urself is not in a struggle to make ends meet
ur husband has came back to u, and that a strong person tat u can rely to, but u also need to be strong and have thought of ur children...u too need to save for them...if u barely have enough with ur family that constantly keeps asking, how will the future turn out to be...
if ur bro needs the car, as harsh as it means, say no
if ur mum needs the car, as sad as it may look like say no

Answer 8

It's hard to stand up after so long being a door mat. You have to try. You might find they break off contact if you do which kind of solves your problem Talk to your husband. He is probably as sick of this as you are. Can you talk to your step dad about it? He may be able to offer support. I know its tough and leaving may be the only solution, but get help from those who will give it

Answer 9

Stop being so nice to them. You are being taken and used and being taken for granted. Just start telling them, "No." Just say, "No," and keep saying, "No." You don't need to give them an explanation and don't argue with them and don't feel guilty. Look them in the eye and say, "No." You have no authority over the car that belongs to your stepfather. Keep it and use it until he asks for it back. Tell them to ask your stepfather. Don't give any of them any more money, period. You don't owe anybody anything, except your husband and children. I certainly wouldn't take any more of their nastiness, begging and manipulation. God bless you.

Answer 10

Things like this is always hard because they are family. Trust me here, people are people and will take advantage of you when they can, especially family. If you feel guilty about hurting them by saying no, then your hide your income and just keep asking them all for money before they ask you. Call them at awkward times to ask. They will soon start avoiding you.