Why do so many people ask questions in the negative when they are requesting something?

Question

For example: You don't have a pencil, do you? If it's one of my students, I usually retort by saying, "Why don't you ask me?" And, they answer, but I already did. I find it really odd.

Answer 1

Heheheheheh .. I so hate that as well. Next time it happens say yes and then marvel at their confusion when you give them no pencil.

Answer 2

It depends, it usually means the asker thinks the answer will be "No", but is asking anyway. Also I think there's an implied element of, I don't know... forgiveness in asking it this way. It's like the asker is saying "if you don't have one, it's okay", simultaneously the phrasing of the question makes the responder feel a little better if they can say "yes", since they feel like they've unexpectedly done something well. Of course this can backfire, some people will take umbrage from the fact it's assumed they'll answer "no" when (in their eyes) it's obvious they'll answer "yes".

By inverting the sentence in various ways, we can change the implication of it:

You do have a pencil, don't you?

has pretty much the opposite effect, the assumption is that the responder will say "yes". So, either the person will say "yes" in which case they might feel a bit patronised, or they'll say "no" in which case they might feel like they're being called stupid or inadequate.

You do have a pencil, do you?

Is even worse, here the question implies sarcasm (because it's saying the thing is true, then asking if it's true), a disbelief that the responder will say "yes" when, presumably, the responder would like to be able to.

Of course, you could restructure the question so it was neutral:

Do you have a pencil?

Whereas the other sentences were a statement of fact (i.e., "you do have a pencil"), followed by a request for confirmation (i.e., "don't you?"). This is simply a question, which carries little if any hidden meaning or assumption. But the rules of etiquette demand we be polite, especially when asking for something. We tend to favour positive statements over neutral ones, since neutral ones can sound rude. This isn't because they imply anything rude, more that they don't imply anything polite. In asking for things that "polite" tends to mean implying that it's somehow not important if the request is denied:

Could I borrow a pencil?

Isn't even technically asking to borrow a pencil, it's just inquiring about the existence of the possibility of borrowing a pencil. The implication that if such a possibility exists, would the person be generous enough to make it come to pass, is entirely hidden and not really apparent from what the words actually mean.

Answer 3

I think people ask questions in the negative because they feel uncomfortable with requesting something from somebody else. The person may feel it's an imposition or it's like asking for a favor and the person may be afraid of refusal. You may think what is the big deal if someone is asking to borrow something like a pencil, but perhaps that person was brought up to feel that borrowing is a big deal and must be done very cautiously.

Answer 4

Maybe because they are afraid to ask for themselves? I had a really strict teacher once - there were five of us in the room, and he was the only one wearing a watch. And I asked the room "Would anyone happen to know the right time, please?"

He snapped "Yes!" and stalked out! So much for that strategy!
If he was still alive, I'd ask him upfront. Knowing what he was like, I'd phrase it as "I make it 13:05" - is that right?" He'd enjoy correcting me, bless him.

Answer 5

They don't take the time to frame the question as a positive.

Answer 6

Fear of rejection. If I asked directly it would be more hurtful to be turned down. You wouldn't know what I meant by that would you? :)

Answer 7

Its a habit because of what they hear at home or with their friends so they don't know any better