He doesn't want to understand...!?

Question

I tried to break up with my fiance, but he doesn't want to understand. He's still continuing the preparations for the wedding. My parents also want me to marry him.
How could I make him understand that I don't want him?

He just says that love will come afterwards and couldn't endure to break up with me.
please help

Answer 1

Can you get your priest or clergyman to help you? Perhaps you could meet with him and your fiance and talk it out with him. Or maybe a therapist?

Good luck, girl, and don't let your parents or your fiance talk you into something you don't want to do. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

First, sit down with your parents and discuss the reasons why you don't feel that marriage is the right decision for you at this time in your life. Be clear that you are not ready to marry this man.

Second, hopefully with parental support, you can have the same discussion with your fiance. Just be calm and firm in your explanation as to why you are breaking it off.

Then, take some time to explore your own feelings in this matter. Is it simply cold feet or is this decision really not the right one for you at this time? If you have to, take some time away from the scene. Go stay with an out of town friend for a few days. Get some perspective on the situation and give everyone time to do the same.

You don't have to be pressured into a marriage that is not right for you. If your fiance and parents choose not to listen to what you have said, then make it clear that the effort to continue with wedding plans is futile. Be sure that you separate yourself financially from any and all wedding plans. If the plans continue without your support, make alternative plans for the time during which the planning sessions and events are scheduled. After a few "conflicting schedules" excuses, and your refusal to foot the bill for anything associated with the affair, they will get the idea.

Answer 3

It only gets harder after the wedding.

If you are sure this isn't cold feet ... if you've known this all along in your gut, walk away. Move away. Go away. Tell him to leave you alone if he knows what is good form him. He can endure it. Your parents will support you in the end.

I was engaged many years ago and stopped it 10 days before the wedding. That was definitely the right decision. It was very hard but I have no regrets. Funny thing is that we probably would have been a great couple at a different time. If I met her now, we'd do great. But I had too much life to discover, as did she.

It is much better to be single wishing you were married than to be married wishing you were single.

Answer 4

Sorry chick that you're in this situation. There isn't really any sure fire way of resolving this other than to be firm in your decision. Remind your parents that they are not the ones who would have to live with this guy, or a divorcee label when the time comes. As far as he's concerned, I'd if you live together already, move your things out, go live with family/friends/get your own place, cancel any joint financial affairs you have, and also cancel any bookings made with regards to the wedding. As the young lady at the start of the list said, perhaps contact your religious minister for guidance, or if it's a civil ceremony, then I would suggest, well, not entirely sure, obviously some of your family are stacked against you in your decision so your not likely to get much help, but try confiding in friends for affirmation that your choice is right.
I really hope that you resolve this without loosing your sanity. Good Luck.

Answer 5

i was in the same perdicament not to long ago u just need to tell ur family that it is ur life on the line here and ur happiness. And if they cant understand that then they aint very good family. And as for him just tell him straight out that u dont wanna be with him, It may be hard it took me two years with my fiance to finally leave and now that i have i am so much happier he also tried to play the i dont wanna lose u and i love u games that is bs seriously and as for the love coming afterwards do not marry him if u honestly dont love him cause u are setting urself up for either divorce or a life of complete unhappiness

Answer 6

Oh dear this sounds like a sorry situation for the both of you, he obviously loves you but you don't love him.
I wouldn't go along with the others who say sleep with someone else, he sounds like the type who would forgive you, and you don't sound like the type who would do it.

First you need to sit your parents down and tell them that strength of their own marriage could never be replicated if you married this man and that when you do finally marry someone it needs to be with someone you love and respect or you could never be truly happy. get them on your side first because you will need their support.

Next sit your man down, tell him there is absolutely no way you can marry someone you don't love in the hope that you will one day. Constantly look him in the eye while you are saying this, it will give your argument sincerity. Tell him that if he does love you then he wouldn't force this marriage on you. If he still plays hardball then while he is out find all the marriage documents and call everything you have booked to unbook them.

He will probably cry, maybe threaten to hurt himself. You have to stay strong to your beliefs and tell him over and over that you cannot marry a man you do not love and that he can not marry someone who does not love him and will only offer him resentment in the years to come.

Who knows, maybe in time you will love him. But right now, you NEED to make him understand that this will NOT work

Answer 7

What's more important his feeling on yours?!?

You are doing him (and yourself) a favour, but cancelling this now rather than going ahead with it and then getting a divorce within the 1st year of marriage.

Listen, we all make mistakes....it's not a crime if your feelings change.

He should be wanting to cancel or at least postpone to see if you change your mind.

Whatever he or anyone else trying to change your mind says to you......just keep telling them....I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM.....

Then just let your actions do the talking!

Personally cancel the service at the church or registry office yourself.

Once you've done this, the wedding is off, no matter what he or anyone else may say or do!

Good Luck...keep smiling!

Let me know how it goes maybe?

Answer 8

Everyone concerned should want you to be "happy," because a marriage is designed to last a life time and surely the two should truly love each other before marriage, what if love don`t come after marriage, that`s a serious gamble to take. If someone really loves the other he or she will want that one to be happy at most any cost. and won`t try to manipulate them to benefit themselves,and the Parents have already made their own choices, now they need to encourage you to go with your heart .not with theirs. that`s making it even more hard to get it through the fiances head, because he`s thinking your parents will eventually help him win you over. that`s not good.

Answer 9

I understand that you want to break up with him - but why did you agree in the first place...

Still - if you really want to do this - get everyone concerned in the same room & have a proper chat - tell everyone your feelings.. If they still dont understand.. go on a holiday somewhere for a week.. Tell him - your just not ready yet..

Answer 10

Restraining order? No means no! Don't let anyone presure you into marrying him if you don't want to marry him! Your family is not being supportive of you and maybe you shohuld discuss that with them, i know that not all families are the same, but I found that talking to my parents about what they want vs what I want helps and they support me no matter what (even if they still stress their opinions). That is what parents do tho, so keep that in mind, they give their opinions no matter how unwelcome they may be (its their job to meddle) Good Luck!