If you can make me laugh, I'll give you 10 points!?

Answer 1

10 Things That Piss Me Off:

1. People who point at their wrist while
asking for the time. I know where my watch is,
buddy...where the hell is yours? Do I point at
my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

2. People in the supermarket check out line
who wait until their entire bill is rung up
before they begin writing their check.
Hello...is the store name going to change,
or the date, or your signature before the
clerk finishes? Get a clue!

3. People who are willing to get off their
*** to search the entire room for the damn TV
remote because they refuse to walk to the TV
and change it manually!

4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to
have your cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!!
What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't
eat it? What should I do...eat someone else's
piece of cake instead.

5. When people say..."It's always the last
place you look." No ****!! Why the hell would
you keep looking for it after you've already
found it?? Do people do this?? Who and where
are they??

6. When people say, while watching a movie
.."Did you see that?" No, dumb ***, I paid
$7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the
ceiling up there. What did you come here for??.

7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did
ya buddy?

8. When something is "New & Improved," Which
is it? If it's new, there has never been anything
before it. If it's an improvement then there must
have been something before it!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks
if you know how fast you were going. "You should
know, asshole. You're the one that pulled me
over!"

Here's the 10TH thing that really bugs
me....

10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that
by annoying other people with stupid mail with
no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or
make your long-lost love fall into your arms.
Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid
chain letter that the computer gods are going to
curse me!! What a crock of ****!!!

By the way, if you send this to 10
people, **** won't happen, and that person you're
in love with won't come crawling to you...so if
you feel this is funny, go on and send it to some
one else, but don't expect one damn thing in return!

Answer 2

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

I THOUGHT THIS WAS REALLY FUNNY

Answer 3

This blond opens a box of cheerios, and gets all excited. She starts jumping up and down and whooping and hollering, until finally someone asks her whats going on. She says "i'm rich, I'm rich.." Why the other person asks. She says "look in my cereal box, I have found DONUT SEEDS!!!
OR

This blond goes missing, and this other blond says, oh wait, I know where she is....so the blond drives out to the corn field, and sees the blond in a rowboat rowing her *** off. The other blond gets all pissed off and says "YOU ARE SO LUCKY I CAN'T SWIM, OTHERWISE I"D SWIM OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ***!!
HAHAH lol

or this one:

There are 3 blondes and 1 brunette and they were all hanging onto a rope from an airplane and one had to let go or else they would all die and that was pointless so they were all arguing about who would let go and they brunette said fine I will and all of the blondes were so full of pride and joy they started to clap
*Problem Solved*

Or
How do you amusse a blond for hours?..........
You write on a peice of paper peice turn over on both side!

Haha how could that have not made you laugh.........lol

Answer 4

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR Stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Answer 5

Lifesavers

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.

One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're a$$holes!"...............LOL

Answer 6

a guy walked into a bar...ouch. haha, thats not really my joke...but read on..its kinda rasist though....here goes:

a zebra died and was at the gates to heaven..there he met a man..he asked the man at the gate, "am i a black horse with white stripes, or a white horse with black stripes?"...the man said, "i dont know..i think that is a question you should ask god." so the zebra finds god and asks him, "am i a black horse with white stripes, or a white horse with black stripes?" god then replied, "you are what you are." the zebra wasnt sure what he meant, but he thanked him and left. he went to the guy at the gate. the guy asked him, "well, what did god say?" the zebra said, "all god said was ,'you are what you are.'" the guy replied, "ooooooh. so youre a white horse with black stripes!" the zebra was looking confused and puzzled..he asked the guy, "what? how do you know that?" the guy then answered back, "well, if you were a black horse with white stripes, god would have said, 'you is what you is'"



hahahahahaha. i hope you understood it. cause it took me a long time to type!

Answer 7

Carolina is going to win the Stanley Cup lol hahaha whatever

Answer 8

This women goes to her family reunoin after not seeing her cousin for five years . she spots him across the room and realizes he has gained like 200 lbs. She walks up to him trying to get the fact across that he got jus t plain FAT! But' also trying not to insult him. So, she looks at him and knudges his arm and says,Hey,Elmer I'm really glad to see you got over that anerexia problem!

Answer 9

A horse walked into a bar. the bartender asked him, " Why the long face"?

Answer 10

he dindt like the casserole
and he dindt like my cake
my bisuits were too hard
not like his mother used to make
i dindt perk the coffe right
he dindt like the stew
i dindt mend his socks
the way his mother used to do.....
i pondered for an answer
i was looking for a clue

then i turned around and smacked him
JUST LIKE HIS MOTHERE USED TO DO
HAHHHAHAHHA