My dad shouldn't make me feel this way?!?

Question

i know it's not father's day but yesterday he wasn't gonna work. i thought it was a good idea to leave a present for FD in my dads truck while he was working it's late night and i bet u he already saw the present. but he hasn't called. am i supposed to be mad and sad? CAUSE I AM. i love my dad but he hasn't called me in 6 months that says bad father to me. I miss my dad. :( i'm sorry but i have given up on him. am i wrong to do that?

Answer 1

Speaking as a father who loves his son and daughter very much, I can assure you that you have every right to feel "mad and sad" as you put it, and you have a right to miss him very much, but you shouldn't give up on him. Oh, you have the "right" to do so if you wish, but since you've never been a parent, much less a father, you might be acting prematurely. Being a dad has a lot of obstacles to loving our kids the way we want to. I love my two kids immensely, and I've tried throughout their lives to keep that in their forefront, but I'm sure I've missed numerous opportunities. Some of the time I could've helped it, and "been there for them" as they might have liked, but wasn't. And other times I just couldn't find a way to be there, and other times still, I knew I should not be there for them because they needed to grow up in a world without their dad always there. It's hard to know when to do what, and believe me, no one's got all the right answers. And that leads me to me and my dad. I can't imagine anyone I love more than him, and it seemed almost impossible for me to get it across to him how wonderful and fantastic he was. And yet he seemed often never there for me as often as I needed, and I whined about it forever through my teen years and young adulthood and full adulthood. And now he's dead. He died last year after a long life, and today I love him more. And just before he died, or should I say in the last 5 years before he died, he told me he was proud of me, and that he loved me. He only said those words once each, and at different times, and I was so surprised and shocked. But now he's dead and I look back over our lives together, and I see things I never saw before as our family continues to unfold and live on into the next generation. Please hear me when I tell you that odds are tremendous that your dad loves you IMMENSELY but is facing obstacles bigger than you at your young age can understand. I know you're seriously disappointed, and "mad and sad" as you say, but YOU WILL REGRET SEVERELY GIVING UP ON HIM!!! He will come to you throughout your life showing his love and respect for you. Maybe not in exactly the ways you want, as the case was with me and my father, but he's doing it and will continue to do it all your life. And you won't want to miss the moment when it finally dawns on you when he's showing his love for you, and why he didn't or couldn't at other times you wanted. Just because it's not done on your schedule and as you want doesn't mean he's not doing it or won't do it. I know that's a very popular way to think, as it has been a popular way to think for the last several decades as I can remember, and maybe even before, but it's not true. You will feel pain even deeper if you give up on your dad because you will miss the love he was trying to give you but somehow couldn't get done in a way you wanted, and you will feel the pain of giving up on someone who loved you as much as only a father can. I love my daughter and son IMMENSELY, but I'm sure there's numbers of times I didn't show them the way they wanted. I only pray they see now, and more later, the many ways I did show my love, and love me for it, and are glad I was their dad, no matter how many times I may have disappointed them. God Bless you honey.

Answer 2

Not all people are good nor fathers are, but i think they all have that fatherly instinct. If you would just let him know how you feel and do your part in that father-daughter relationship, i bet you would know in the end that it still worth the time and effort...and the second or even the third try! We are all different beings and you just can't jolt a bad colleague 'hey be nice!' and expect a change instantly. What you do is make an adjustment and stretch your patience and at least, be nice to her, ayt? Sometimes it becomes more easy for us to tolerate other people than our family. I hope you do the same thing on him...Goodluck!

Answer 3

I am very sorry, Have you tried calling him, tell him how you feel. Sometimes long distance fathers don't call because they miss you so much, so very much it hurts them. So they just push it back in there hearts and minds. I am not saying it is OK, It is just what they do. You need to tell him how it hurts you. If you left the present for him six months ago he may have forgotten, but if it was yesterday wait till tomorrow then call wish him happy FD and ask him about it. Don't give up on him, you have to talk to him. If it doesn't change you have to protect your heart. Good luck.

Answer 4

Being a part of a family is like owning a rusty old car. It takes a lot of work and repairs and sometimes you'll feel just like shoving it over a cliff and walking away. It's okay to feel that way. But you must realize that it really will be worth all the efforts you've made to keep patching it up just enough to roll on down the road, because in the end it is YOUR family. And when family works well it really does make your world cruise along on wings.

Call your Dad and tell him you love him (again). The rust isn't so bad.

WK

Answer 5

Maybe he hasn't had time to call? I would give it some time, then call him just to say hi, and randomly ask if he got your present. That is what I would personally do.

But you have every right to feel the need to give up on him, if he hasn't called you in six months that makes him a bad father. But if you miss him, I would give him just one more chance, and call him up and talk to him yourself, see where the conversation takes you. But for sure be sure to ask him, and talk to him about all your concerns. "why dont you call?" "did you get my present" just be honest with him, and tell him how he makes you feel. It could work out for the best.

Take Care! :)

Answer 6

hiya .. look you havn't really given up on him cause your asking this question, probably that u just feel so hurt right now and it's all a bit confusing, men don't often thank someone for a present , they are pretty dumb when it comes to things like that, i bet your dad found the gift and was really pleased to know that your thinking of him, then he prpbably woulda started feeling guilty and then didn't ring, and won't ring cause he feels guilty and does not know what to say to you.can u call him? can u leave a note saying dad i miss you can u call me or can i call you??. Hope that helped.

Answer 7

You call him! ( if he has a phone) My dad calls me maybe once a year when he is bored. We have never met. I had to call him first, sometimes they are scared maybe he thinks that if he has not called you in so long you will reject his pone call. But also mybe he did not get to his truck yet or after working he was to tired to call. If he does not call you by afternoon tommorow call him or go to his home. I know how you feel, i promise! But remember, forgive him he is only human and you never really know what he faces everyday. Just give him a hug and keep you own feelings protected. Don't always wait for him to call you call too, it is two sided. I wish you the best

Answer 8

The present was a good idea, it will let him know that you are still out there and thinking about him, maybe he hasn't contacted you about the present yet because he feels ashamed for not calling you in 6 months............he probably feels like a worm.

Answer 9

You seem to know an awful lot about someone who hasnt called you in 6 months. Just how were you able to leave presents in his truck? He leaves it unlocked?

Well... its pretty much up to you. If your own father hasnt called you in 6 months...he's a loser. I havnt a clue as to why you would even be interested in knowing this guy.

Answer 10

Call him and ask about it. Maybe he has not seen it, or it was stolen or bounced out of the truck. But I would find out why he has not called or been a part of your life for the past 6 months. It is possible he thinks you want it that way, let him know you want him in your life and see what happens.

Answer 11

If he doesn't say anything call him and ask him if he found it. Tell him that you are sad that he didn't call to say anything about it. Tell him you love him and hope he has a great Father's Day. If that doesn't work, I'm afraid there's not much hope for the relationship. Maybe someday he'll change.