Tell me some funny @$$ blonde jokes?

Question

The one that makes me laugh the hardest gets the 10 points!

Answer 1

three blondes are walking in the forest.they come upon some tracks.first blonde says there deer tracks.second says there bear tracks.third says there moose tracks.

then th train hits them

Answer 2

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “I’m having a hard time with this puzzle, there’s all these jagged little pieces. It doesn’t make sense.” The boyfriend says, “ What’s the picture on the box?” “It’s just a talking tiger.”, the blonde replies. “A Talking tiger? Well what’s he saying?” The blonde answers, “They’re Great!”


A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The brunette tells the others at this bar you have to order by code. So the brunette walks up to the bar and says, “I’ll take a M.T.” The bartender hands her a Mai Tai. The redhead goes ahead and says, “I’ll have a B.L.” The bartender gives her a Bud Light. The blonde goes, “I get it!” She proceeds up to the bar and says, “ I’ll take a 17.” “What the hell is that?” The bartender asks. “Duh!” says the blonde, “A 7 and 7!”

A Construction company is preparing a building to be demolished. While they were gutting out walls, one of the workers comes across the skeleton of a blonde woman. The police come to remove the remains. A few days later the construction manager calls the police and asks, “Did you identify the body? Was it anybody famous?” “yeah,” the detective replies “It was the 1987 Hide-and-go-seek champion.”

Answer 3

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it"
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Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
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One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."

She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.

The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"

At that number, the blonde agrees.

The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.

"Got it," she replies.

He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.

Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"

The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00.

Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"

She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane

Answer 4

There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead at the doctor's office(all pregnant). The brunette says I'm having a boy cause I was on bottom, the redhead say I'm having a girl because I was on top. The blond thinks for a minute and says in that case I'm having puppies. lmao.... Have a good day.

Answer 5

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

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Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Answer 6

3 Women In Mexico

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake
up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the
morning, though none of them can remember what they did the
night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair,
and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from
Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to
intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the
switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate
themselves;
beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last
words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in
the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they
all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness,
and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm
from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated
with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right
now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this
thing in."
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Blonde Jokes (Some Old Some New All Good)

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.
Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to
pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said,
"Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact.
Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!
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A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff,
"I wish you guys would get your stupid act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect
me to show it to you!"

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"

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The blonde reported for her university final examination which
consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the
examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes
a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet
- Yes for Heads, No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class
is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half and hour. But I'm rechecking my
answers."

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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing
a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But... what happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back."
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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but
was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were
asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a
reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll
luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on
catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper
is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep
in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge
9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim,
kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to
the swamp bank.

Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The
shopkeeper watches in amazement. The blonde flips the alligator
on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't
wearing any shoes either!"

Answer 7

A blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car, she
was pulled over by a woman cop who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she asked.

The cop replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the cop. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay,
you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Answer 8

3 blondes are in a bar celebrating, drinking champagne and toasting each other shouting "3 weeks, 3 weeks" . When one blonde goes to the bartender to get more champagne, he asks, "what are you celebrating?" The blonde replies "we got this puzzle that said 3 years and it only took us 3 weeks!"

Answer 9

TGIF for Blondes

Q: Why does a blonde write TGIF on the inside of her shoes?
A: To remind her that Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: T*ts Go In Front.

Answer 10

Q: What did one blonds leg say to the other?

A: In between us we can make a lot of money.

Answer 11

HOW DO YOUR DROWN A BLONDE? PUT A SCRATCH AND SNIFF STICKER ON THE BOTTOM OF A POOL....WHAT DO YOU CALL 20 BLONDE'S LINED UP IN A ROW? A WIND TUNNEL......WHAT IS THE FIRST THING A BLONDE DOES WHEN SHE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING? OPENS THE CAR DOOR.....WHY DO BLONDE'S WEAR GREEN LIPSTICK? BECAUSE RED MEANS STOP.......